<p>That and I really do think doing things with the kids should be shared (not necessarily equally, but definitely shared). I loved that fact that both of my parents took me to practice and rehearsals and such when I was younger, even though one would generally take me much more than the other. Those car rides allowed me to bond with my parents.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>unlikely.
As much as I have been pushing DS,
No one has offered up their dd.
Not like in the, ‘Oold Days’ :p</p>
<p>As a perpetual teenager myself I think the reward of raising two wonderful kids with little interference from more pesky, serious oriented cultures is worth the hard work. One thing I found out raising tri-cultural kids is to throw out stereotypes about parenting. How else can you combine the laid-back parenting style of European parents (elegantly laid out in the French parent article posted a while back) with Tiger focus on academics and motivation and American focus on ‘follow your heart’ and outright being a teenager?</p>
<p>In multicultural marriages there’s a tendency to either gravitate towards a dominant culture or outright abandon both cultures for the local one. Neither option was desirable so stitching together a parenting style that borrows from all three was the answer. Above all, finding a way to let them explore their options and opportunities while providing guidance and resources. </p>
<p>The Tiger culture would push a medical career, for example, with few concerns as to whether that’s what kids want. I’m now in the ‘exploration’ phase with DD2 to show her what hard sciences are all about. </p>
<p>LongPrime, trust me, architecture students don’t make good dating material :).</p>
<p>Longprime’s son is definitely not architecture. I think he is mech e or maybe cs? Probably worse dating material getting into the heavy tech fields. But plenty of money.</p>
<p>I’m still here.
Its Mech E and CS/HCI
you should see his art works.
and money doesn’t drive him, accomplishments do.</p>
<p>We have a potential match if he likes art… Extra points if he’s into power tools. DD1 is on her way to accumulating every piece of tool Dremel makes :).</p>
<p>
Will he let you be a match maker for him?
I guess very few young men would welcome this kind of “help.” Mine would not, even though he has not had a gf for the last 5 years. Maybe yours is an exception.</p>
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</p>
<p>Not too many of those exceptions going by what I’ve observed with my buddies, older cousins and myself during and after college. We find such forms of “parental help”…especially when unsolicited to be quite irritating at best. </p>
<p>A few like a post-college roommate and some cousins actually reacted by doubling down and later, marrying someone that was far from his parents’ ideal*.</p>
<ul>
<li>Same age/younger with no children from previous relationships, marrying someone whose ethnicity were hated enemies as a result of past wars, etc. Fortunately…after some parental grumblings…they’ve realized that once they looked beyond their prejudiced blinkers…their new in-laws were actually great additions to the family.</li>
</ul>
<p>I remember reading a newspaper article interviewing female students at elite schools. These female students were bright and driven but many said after marriage and children, they wouldn’t mind being a SAHM.
I was unsuccessful trying to google for the article. Perhaps others can help me.
They may not realize that finding a mate who could earn enough to provide for a family is difficult these days.</p>
<p>but I’d be surprised if a husband’s lower earning capacity would necessarily be a strain on the marriage IF he were picking up the slack at home. </p>
<p>=============</p>
<p>But it is a strain when the H is not picking up the slack at home…whether or not he’s earning the same, less, or more.</p>
<p>There still are a good number of working women who literally have 2 jobs…their paid one and their home one…and then their men wonder why these gals are exhausted all the time.</p>
<p>I know that many guys are splitting home duties and that’s great…it’s still frustrating for those women who don’t have H’s who share the home load. Part of the problem (I think) is that these types of guys either don’t really realize how much time/energy is spent on home/child care/social & holiday planning and/or they don’t know how to do these things so their minds minimize the effort.</p>
<p>I’m curious if anyone else notices my anecdotal evidence.</p>
<p>I know very, very few people in their 20’s getting married. I see lots and lots of single women with kids who have baby daddies, but never married them. Or they’re engaged for what seems forever with never making it legal.</p>
<p>I own a business and hire non college educated women to work in my office. None of them even seem to think “husband” is in their vocabulary. I have nieces and nephews in their 20’s, none seem to want to be married.</p>
<p>Seems to me being married, then having kids is a pretty antiquated notion now. Come to think of it, I don’t know if I know a single woman under 30 who has kids and is also married to the father of the children.</p>
<p>Interestingly, all the men in my company are married.</p>
<p>Many people seem to still be getting married and having babies where I live (the south) and where I’m from (southern Calif)…but maybe it’s a class thing and regional thing?</p>
<p>That said, many young women seem to be raising babies without a dad in the picture…which often contributes to their low income status. A two-parent home is often the ticket out of poverty and staying out of poverty.</p>
<p>==================
busdriver1 quote:
hmm, turbo. That sounds like you are really putting forth far more than Mrs turbo, and that kind of thing can build up alot of resentment over time. Even if you are good at suppressing it. Doesn’t matter whether it’s the man or the woman, when it gets too lopsided, somebody blows.</p>
<hr>
<p>I agree…and there was an article awhile back that featured some women who had divorced their H’s to force them to have to put some effort into parenting their kids…so the moms could get an occasional break.</p>
<p>Many of the people that I work with either go back to their home country for an arranged marriage, or get together in grad school. All of the women with kids that I know are married to the father of their kids. There are still a lot of traditional families here but that may be due to the ethnicity of many of my coworkers.</p>
<p>Ah, you got to remember one basic thing - functioning like a single parent has great advantages… Namely, the opportunity to provide some meaningful inputs to your kids’ lives, without the disagreements or compromises that would come from a more, ehem, involved parent. </p>
<p>That, and the opportunity to see skills and interests in your kids that you know 100% where they came from… Power tools? check. Kick-rear-end video gamers? check. Artistic/photography/etc? check. Awesome language skills? check. Avoid the outdoors? check, check, and check. </p>
<p>Thankfully, the only DNA that the Mrs. contributed was the ‘Kardashian looks’ gene for both girls and the Tiger academics gene in DD2…</p>
<p>
Hopefully, the second case (“get together in grad school”) will apply to DS. Regarding the possibility of going back to their parent’s home country to find a suitable mate (DS was born here in US), we brought up this possibility with him in the past, and he was strongly againt this, the reason being that the starting point is unfairly not equal.</p>
<p>It’s not as unequal as you may think - these days, one or the other can say no.</p>
<p>BCEagle, the catch is that the cultures we’re talking about are - in general - a bit more accommodating than other cultures so they simply make it work out at the end by reducing expectations or eliminating options. </p>
<p>I often joke with my girls that they’ve got grooms waiting for them either in Elbonia or in Tiger-land…</p>
<p>Post#74. My husband used to be a lot like you in a lot of ways, but we share 60/40 of driving kids back and forth for lessons and such. I don’t like to drive and he does and most of the time when the kids were younger, I was busy cooking and he had to drive so we divided and conquered. But it seems that Mrs Turbo takes advantage of your parenting or she abdicates her share of responsibility to you. I’m not sure that is a healthy balance either.
BTW, what’s the “Kardashian looks”, big butt?</p>
<p>As my psych training is largely in experimental and cognitive psychology, I’ll let others worry about the balance of ‘power’ in families… But I’m not sure I’d buy the ‘I don’t like to drive’ response either. For us it was largely a function of me having more flexible hours and more patience to deal with such things. Career-hopping like a butterfly means a lot longer hours and reduced flexibility, which suits us fine. </p>
<p>The Kardashian look? Eurasian looks, long curly dark hair, cheekbones, trim, medium build. No big anything. Tiger diets are not conducive to big anythings as a matter of fact :).</p>
<p>BCEagle, Although I have seen a couple of cases where the girls in other countries say no to boys in this country, depending on what country we are talking about, it is hard to deny the fact (as of today) that being a college-graduated US citizen who will likely have a job is a draw for his/her potential mate from other country where many of its citizens prefer to immigrate here by any means, possibly including marriage. If this is the case, the one in US will likely not know whether he or she is “desirable” to the other party due to his/her nationality, or his/her own personal merit.</p>
<p>BTW, I did not teach DS this at all and do not know from where he got this idea. (Being a too proud, and borderline arrogant, American? 
) He does not look down upon them at all. He was always the one in my family who helped showing relative visitors about his age around. Even though there is sometimes some communication difficulty, the younger visitors still prefer his company to our company during their visit. Many of his overseas cousins have access to his facebook, but we as parents do not. Sometimes, we found out something, by accident, about his activities from overseas (younger generation) relatives instead of him who we actually talk to each other regularly every week. LOL. Sometimes there is something the younger generation really does not want his/her own parent to know about. In C++, isn’t there a saying that goes like this: a friend (class) can see your private part? Disclaimer: This is really true in that computer language. I do not talk something dirty here.)</p>