More practice= More perfect? Grade it please :)

<p>Let perfection help me by grading this -cough cough- lovely essay.
Ha. I suck. I know I will try to throw in A LOT of SAT words. But I haven't really cracked open my word lists yet (Focusing on writing right now), so I don't have many..</p>

<p>But yeah, you don't have to grade it or anything (though I would love to see what I would get ;D), but I just need some tips beside throwing in SAT words (But recommendations will be very helpful :D)</p>

<p>Here is is: </p>

<p>(From collegeboard)</p>

<p>Assignment: Does every achievement bring with it new challenges? </p>

<p>Every achievement brings new challenges. In The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the main character has to endure never-ending problems. Furthermore, America's history is full of new responsibilities, new complications, and new challenges.</p>

<p>Mark Twain's The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn demonstrates how challenges are always in the way to reach the final destination. In the beginning, Huck Finn met Jim, a runaway slave. Huck thought that since he wanted to be wild and "free", his goal is reached when he leaves with his father. This accomplishment just causes more problems such as meeting Jim and escaping capture. Accompanying Jim caused challenges such as running away from police who are capturing the slave to lying to Ms. Watson to finding out if there is any news about Jim. For Jim's, his accomplishment is to have an adventure. He didn't realize that he will meet a group of men who pretended to be world-class actors (Which was a fraud) or get separated with Huck Finn (When their raft was destroyed by a large ship). </p>

<p>In America's history, complications, challenges, and responsibilities arose when we became a sovereign country. The American Revolution caused many challenges because of lack of military, compared to the British's Red Coats- who had the most cutting-edge technology at the time. The Bill of Rights was complications on deciding how much freedom should be given to its citizens. Continuing to present day, constant problems arise in America. Laws are put in place to prevent future problems. Similarly, responsibilities are placed on certain people managing money so the government won't go into default. </p>

<p>As children, we are taught that every accomplishment leads us closer to the solution. However it is shown in both The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and the current American History, that every achievement brings new, unthought of complications, challenges, and responsibilities. </p>

<p>(Lack of space. Sorry it's short /: & there is probably a lot of grammar errors. Sorry! I tried to write under 25 minutes)</p>

<p>I had this exact essay on my June SATs, i got an 8 lol. My examples were very similar to your's in respect to the American History topic (Revolutionary War). The Huckleberry Finn point is good, but it could have been better. All in all, i give this essay an 8-9.</p>

<p>Haha thanks!
I just went on google and searched for prompts and this came up XD</p>

<p>But is there any way I can improve? Beside SAT vocab, which I will try to learn asap!</p>

<p>Can anyone give me some tips? Much appreciated (:</p>

<p>Since you'll be using points that have a common theme, have a transition from paragraph to paragraph that it makes smooth and not rough. </p>

<p>Transitions like the following:</p>

<p>Body Para 1
"American Revolution....was a great achievement but led to further complications in the form of taxes, revolts, and political chaos"
Body Para 2
"About 80 years after the American Revolution, the Civil war took place....which also led to political turmoil after the union won"</p>

<p>That's the most i can think of for improvement here, better flow.</p>

<p>Dorkyelmo,</p>

<ol>
<li>This essay is good. Your examples are perfect, however you didn't DEVELOP. You really elaborated on the plot and portions of Huckleberry Finn, but you didn't LINK and SUPPORT your argument. Try spending less time doing so much summary and more time linking. If you do that, you'll find that while supporting your argument you will make links. For example:</li>
</ol>

<p>"Huckleberry Finn's new emancipation from his father led to a series of consequences. He encounters a run away slave named Jim. Encountering a slave running away in Huck's time period led to moral conflicts in that Huck felt obliged to society to report the "missing property" but also felt a moral obligation to help a man escape torture. This is but one of the multiple examples proving how each accomplishment opens a Pandora's box. Soon enough, Huck and Jim set sail and encounter thieves. These thieves and other trials Huck and Jim face support this idea that each accomplishment is a punishment in that it leads to an infinite number of consequences. After each trial, they find themselves in more trouble as they face more and more hardships. Huck and Jim's troubles show how with each accomplishment, both of them gained freedom, but as a result are constantly running in fear of being recaptured and more over, during this secret journey, they encounter more and more troubles." </p>

<p>^Granted that's long and repetitive, you want to list more specific examples of trouble they face (its been quite sometime since I've read the book), you want to state an example, support, state more of that same example (a new trouble of Hucks) then link, etc. By doing this, you ensure you support your thesis.</p>

<p>The same goes for your American Revolution example. You can really list a lot of troubles: making a new army to fight off foreign countries, standardizing a currency, writing a constitution, and organizing numerous other parts of government for a newly independent country.</p>

<p>Keep developing your body paragraphs and supporting your argument and you'll be fine. Remember, the SAT essay tests how well you can make an argument and support yourself, not how many facts you know about a book or historical event. Lastly, VOCABULARY! Don't forget to mix in some as you write, as that can always boost up your score. Hope I helped, good luck :)!</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>

<p>Thank you guys! I will throw in the SAT words and try to develop the points more clearly.</p>

<p>Dorkyelmo,</p>

<p>You can always try writing practice body paragraphs. This way you perfect the "developmental" aspect of your SAT essays. Tbh, the intro is important for your thesis and side of the argument alone. Work on examples and incorporating SAT words perhaps?</p>

<p>~Aceventura74</p>