<p>(((HUGS))) to you, spectrum. Ds had his athletic banquet last week, and I am so happy to never have to talk to his awful coach again. A bad coach is difficult on the whole family.</p>
<p>Younghoss, just noticed your response to my post. No, I don’t think your answer had relevance to what I had to say. I noticed that even at practice, the bench warmers did not have the opportunity to play much. So that coach did not see those kids play like he did his starters. He hardly paid them any attention. If he practiced them as much as his starters, maybe some of them would improve to the point that they would be better than the starters since these are young kids still growing and developing.</p>
<p>My son, by the way, made the A team because of his potential, not his current playing status. It’s pretty clear he is going to be a big kid, has long reach, big hands and a lot of the basics needed to be a good player. Also a good athlete. But he is not going to learn much of the game from that team. He’ll have to go to clinics and summer camps for the sport. I just got a note from the coach and he talked to my son about next year. I do take issue with the fact that he is only in middle school and the coach wants us to hone his skills since even at that age he wants only the finished product playing on his team He sure isn’t going to be teaching my son with the play AND PRACTICE time he gives him. I guarantee you this coach isn’t seeing his non first stringers playing at practice 5-6 days a week, two hours a shot. No where near.</p>
<p>YDS: Thanks for the hugs. As much as I am not looking forward to the empty nest I am looking forward to being finished with HS. </p>
<p>With regard to kids not getting playing time, I know that different coaches approach this in different ways. Most of the time I accept it even if I believe that the coach is making bad decisions. I do however feel that if a coach is going to have a kid on a team the kid should feel that they have some role and not that they should just be grateful that they have a coveted spot. It seems that it is coaches responsibility to see to that. </p>
<p>I will say that I did once have a really positive conversation with a coach regarding play time. S had been benched for several games because he missed practice due to what we knew was a recurrent injury but what appeared to coach as minor.(To clarify he was benched several games after the injury healed.) Once I explained why we were taking this seemingly minor injury seriously coach put him in the next game and S had one of his best games ever. Coach was pleased, S was pleased and so was his team. Sometimes it just helps for coach to know the whole story. I know it is best for the kids to explain what is going on, sometimes however, in this type of situation the story has more credibility coming from a parent.</p>
<p>For many sports the game playing time is just a small part of the practice they get in the sport. If they are not getting practice time either, how the heck are they going to get better?</p>
<p>Good luck Spectrum2. I hope it works out well for your son. I believe you said earlier the JV coach was leaving, so let’s hope the varsity coach and the new JV coach provide a better environment with more opportunities for all involved.</p>
<p>My3Tuitions: Thanks! I am hoping that it will be a positive change. At least in the off season S believes he has the varsity coach’s support.</p>
<p>Cpt: It has seemed that practice at our HS during the season has been focused on improving the skills of the regular players. While the whole team went to practice the whole team didn’t practice the whole time. Even when they did practice the benchwarmers were not a focus. It is during the off season during the class that there is more focus on improving the skills of all of the players in the class</p>
<p>So I am a little confused here. Will your son be an active player in the reserve,or will he be a varsity player? It may well be worth it to be an active player on the reserve. As someone who has observed a bench riding varsity vs. reserve active, the reserve player who also dresses for varsity probably has the advantage.
Another observation I have is that coaches who go deep to the bench are much better at game strategy as they will run the legs off the opposition just keeping the score close, and then just crushing the shallow bench opponent with tired players and foul trouble at game’s end.Realizing that the changing player mix offers more variables to defend against, a good coach will vary the plays to what abilities the player mix bring to the court. It takes a lot more work for the coach to do all this --recognize what plays to vary based on the talent that is on the court.
As far as any “promise” of being an active varsity player as a senior, do not count on it. The coach needs a good workhorse player like your son to practice the starters. He may be promising stuff just to make his varsity team better. If you and your son are comfortable with that, good for you. If not,your son could think about an individual/ team sport like Xcountry or track. My daughter had an experience similar to your son and as a senior ran xc just to make her tougher for sprints in the spring with no expectations of being a key runner. She surpassed one runner after another,and finally made it to the state meet,where she became the second highest female placer in school history. In track,she stood on the podium three times,so xc did not ruin her sprinters legs. 'Ya never know…</p>
<p>Slumlord: First, thanks for sharing your D’s success story. That is so great!</p>
<p>I can’t say I know what S’s role will be even for next year. S believes from what coach told him that he will have a leadership role on JV. We are just looking at one year at a time. I am assuming that by reserve you mean 2nd or 3rd string player. And as you describe coaches that rotate their bench and keep their players fresh, this would not be a bad thing. Our school seems to go by the philosophy, trust 5 players, rotate 7 and when desperate play 9. Actually if a reserve role were explained acted on and appreciated it might not be a bad thing. Last year, and I mean this without exageration, S didn’t feel that he had a role. An active role on JV would be much better. I really don’t think the choice will be his and I hope he gets what he expects.</p>
<p>As for Senior year there are too many variables. Over the year I have encouraged, Tennis, and LaCross (which isn’t a school sport) but Basketball remains where he wants to be even if its just club ball. That is also fine with me.</p>
<p>No, I assumed that he would be an active JV player,but I was concerned that his senior year would be disappointing if he did not make varsity in a meaningful way. It sounds like your son is a team player and is willing to take this one step at a time. The way he loves the game,JV as a junior is a good option. If it goes no further[senior year], he can still hold his head up for what he contributed to the team
Part of my concern was the experience of our local team. The coach would play only five and the development of the others would stagnate. Coach would then have to re-recruit his bench in the summer when he heard they were quitting,and the cycle of broken promises continued.
Your coach recruited your son after he was moving on, and your son is giving up some of his plans for basketball. He owes the kid what he promised being an active JV player. Godspeed to you and your son.</p>
<p>In these types of situations I would want to know what, if anything, about the team circumstances has changed such that I could expect there to be a difference in my kid’s playing time. Did some starters graduate, quit, get injured, etc. Did my child improve due to an outside team or camp? If I can’t come up with anything definitive beyond the coach’s statement, I’d be really wary of believing things will be different.</p>
<p>S was a good, solid, and versatile soccer player, though not a star. Was captain of his frreshman team, but soph year the JV coach would never start him. Yet he would always wait to see which starter was struggling and then put my son in saying things like “So-and-so can’t keep up with his man. You go in.” Or “So-and-so is all over the field and can’t hold his position. You go in.” After a while, S started to wonder how it was that if he could do what the starters couldn’t, he wasn’t a starter? He ended up asking that in a PC way. The answer, “I guess your versatility is a curse.” But there were also plenty of games where the starters played the entire time whether they were playing well or not. Certain political realities weren’t lost on S either regarding why particular boys always had to be in the starting line-up. </p>
<p>S decided to quit soccer and pursue another sport. When the coach found out, he kept telling S what a good player he was, questioned him about why he had quit, and kept asking him to come back. Since son saw no reason to expect a change for the following year, he refused. Four years later, the coach asked my D why her brother had quit. Frankly, I think it hurt his ego that someone had not valued his team enough to stay on it despite minimal playing time, or else he felt guilty because he knew S was better than the kids he had started. Asking S to come back was more about assuaging his guilt or bruised ego than anything.</p>
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<p>In the OP’s case, I believe that the coach who permanently benched the son left, and the promises come from the head coach. Possibly the other coach was let go because of his inadequate coaching. Presumably the head coach can select someone with a different coaching philosophy and enforce it.</p>
<p>Our HS soccer coach who is infamous for never subbing and leaving the starters run ragged and exhausted in overtime situations was also infamous for always starting his own son. Woe betide the kid who plays whatever position the coach’s kid plays. He’ll be lucky if he ever sets foot on the field during a game. From the stories here, it seems as if these characteristics go hand in hand, doesn’t it?</p>
<p>It’s frustrating when your kid gets a bad coach, particularly when there are so many examples of good coaches. Often on teams that are rivals or even within the same school, different sport. But, how is that different from getting a bad calculus teacher or a crummy advisor? People are different and inconsistent. The sooner our kids learn that and learn how to deal with it the better off they will be. (The sooner I learn how to deal with it the better off I will be…) </p>
<p>For Spectrum2’s son, circumstances have changed and he’s looking at it one year at a time. Not a bad approach. He’s trying to do something he loves and wil hopefully be better for the experience succeed or fail. He’s following his passion and that’s something to encourage. Hopefully, he will maintain his good, positive attitude and be successful and happy with basketball and with everything else he tries.</p>
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If the calculus teacher is bad enough, parents may have to demand that their kids get switched out of the class. They will do this if their kids aren’t learning calculus. This doesn’t seem to happen so much with coaches, unless the team isn’t winning.</p>
<p>ITA w/Hunt. And parents/kids are scared to complain about a bad coach because so much of what they do is subjective. They can withhold playing time because of an “attitude problem” or a subjective evaluation of a player’s skills. In calculus, you either get it right or you don’t – much less room for skewing evaluation of a student.</p>
<p>I guess your schools are more flexible than ours. I gave the calculus example specifically because of something that happened last fall. My kid had a bad AP calculus teacher. Poor teaching skills, uncaring, you name it. Daughter talked to counselors and administrators to get moved out, Parents followed up. “nothing can be done until next semester” was our answer. To make matters worse, teacher got pneumonia and was out for 6 weeks. Unqualified subs came in to babysit. No instruction provided. Daughter and a few friends took advantage of the good calculus teachers kindness and came in for help before school and during lunch hours. Even sitting in on classes over lunch. Very lucky my daughter was self motivated enough to do it. As it was, she ended up getting an 89.4 average for her first B in HS. She had to drop a class in the spring to make her schedule work to get in the good teachers class and is back to getting As. There will be no repercussions on bad teacher in spite of numerous complaints. Too much seniority to do anything about her.</p>
<p>The HS where my kids grew up was also notorius for playing the sons of the coaches in basketball, which only offers 5 spots. My friend’s son got screwed in HS and quit after a year or two, he had played AAU with all these boys all along, but there were at least 3 guards who had Dad’s working & coaching at the school in that same grade, coincidentally.</p>
<p>One of those boys went to our middle school and the long time middle school boy’s basketball coach took a year off when that kid came through, the boy’s Dad coached the junior high team the years his son played…politics. Sadly, the boy was really good, but past junior high he just never grew tall enough…not sure how that worked out in the varsity years as my friend’s son was no longer there.</p>
<p>Coaches are a dime a dozen in the areas I have lived. At least for pay.</p>
<p>Slumlord: Thanks for your good wishes. While it may seem that coach “owes the kid what he promised being an active JV player” because S is giving up some of his plans for basketball, I don’t really think coach knows any of this. These changes were made with the GC but I don’t think that teachers really know who is in their classes until the actual scheduling is done over the summer. S never told coach he was dropping basketball. I still think that coach does owe it to S to be honest to him, although since I wasn’t privy to the actual conversation, I don’t know for sure if what S thinks coach said is what coach thinks he said or for that matter what coach meant.</p>
<p>The GFG: What a bummer of a situation for your S, that would be frustrating… Consolation got it right, there will be a new JV coach. There will also be a new JV team since many will move up to Varsity. The other change is that first rising sophs were told they couldn’t be on JV then S was told he was an exception to that. </p>
<p>My3tuitions: Your words, “Hopefully, he will maintain his good, positive attitude and be successful and happy with basketball and with everything else he tries.” are a mother’s dream! Thank you for the encouragement. You are right he is following his passion.</p>
<p>YDS: , I guess that’s why I haven’t had that conversation with coach. I would hate for my actions to negatively impact S’s outcome, especially when S wants me to stay out of it. </p>
<p>To all of you facing coaches who have their kids on the team I know that would be difficult. I am used to this happening on club teams where the coaches are working for free. In that situaton it is easy enough to avoid a team where the coach’s kid is playing the same position as your kid. In HS there is no alternative. This is one scenerio we haven’t had to deal with.</p>
<p>Thanks to all of you for your support!</p>
<p>I’m not trying to resurrect this thread but I thought I would update those of you that shared your thoughts last spring. It is now basketball preseason. S did have a chance to be on varsity and did actually get on the court each game but didn’t get much time. He and coach discussed the Varsity vs JV question and S opted for JV and coach supported it. S has had the opportunity to start the first couple of games. It seems that things went exactly as coach suggested they would and happily there is a new JV coach. Oddly enough although the initial word was that there would be no Juniors on JV there actually are several. So far so good. It is so nice to see S happily playing again! One thing that I will say is that while last year it seemed that practice was all about the regular players and S felt dismissed even in practice, this year even at the varsity practices where S was a weaker player he still felt like an active participant.</p>
<p>Here’s one more thing for me to be thankful for! Happy Thanksgiving all!</p>
<p>I really don’t get the JV vs varsity debate. Most kids(those without enormous egos) just want to play. It makes little sense to sit on the bench all year on varsity if you can be playing most of the game for JV…especially for jrs. Life is short and once the 4 years of high school are over, your playing days are done.</p>