The biggest fit issues I think of concern autonomy. How much are the adults (teachers, parents, dorm parents, health center) involved with the kids’ lives? How clique-y are the students? How much intermingling is there with older students and younger students? How permeable is the boundary between the school and the town? How much choice does a student have over how, when and where she studies, eats and socializes? Overall, how much structure is there? How early and often do alarm bells ring if a kid is struggling with something?
I think of Choate, Andover and Exeter as being very autonomous (college lite) and the smaller more isolated bubble-y schools (SPS, St Andrew’s, George, NMH, Cate, Thacher) as more collaborative. Loomis, Milton, and others are in the middle.
@antirazor - “I am of the realistic opinion that if you are dealing with highly ambitious parents/kid with the horsepower to match the ambition, it will be impossible to convince them that “best fit” is radically different from the “prestige” rankings I mentioned above assuming they are committed to boarding schools.”
I agree with this and I also agree with your other points. My DC is not a pointy kid but a well-rounded kid so a specialty school is unnecessary for our family.
In my opinion, there’s no real difference in quality among the top 25 or so schools, just wildly different personalities. Find the personality that gets along best with your child’s. The answer to the question has nothing to do with some mythical, objective ranking of the top 15 - they’re not all apples for God’s sake. At the end of four years, at which school will your child become the best that they can be: academically and socially prepared, resilient, happy, ethical, independent-minded, and caring more about the world around them and other human beings than they do themselves. Getting this figured out is everything.
Firstly, I would definitely agree that it’s easier to get an A at a school like loomis than at PEA, PA, Groton. The question to ask, which we didn’t know, is what is the gpa range/distribution in the junior and senior years. My guess is there are kids at Loomis and PA achieving a 4.0. At Groton there are not.
Parents don’t know to ask this question AND sooooo many parents think their kid is the one who’s going to be able to get that 4.0 because their kid is so freaking smart and got all A’s in middle school and a 99% on the ssat. Many parents are still under the impression that graduating from an elite BS helps you get into an Ivy. If you graduate in the top 5-10% of the class maybe it does but the likelihood that your kid won’t do that is extremely high.
@one1ofeach - it is almost as if there is an advocacy to “scale down” to get better grades:higher GPA for a “better” college admission rather than to go to more “elite” schools.
Not really. The colleges are well aware of grading differences in high schools, in fact the school profile goes out with your application so the college can see exactly how many kids manage to get 4.0 etc. And since grade inflation is rampant across this country just having amazing GPA does not get you into a top college. If they see quarter of the class has 4.0 it means next to nothing to set your application apart. As several people said before, college like pointy kids and so it is very hard to get accepted to Harvard etc. without any hook. At schools like PA/PEA, the academic competition is such that if you your grades are in top 5-10% and you land some academic awards it is enough for HYPSM etc. to give you some serious consideration, even if there is no other hook present. Elsewhere, you really need something else to set you apart as it is near impossible to get accepted on academics alone.
Now if you are a legacy or athlete or URM or national science winner or you are app designer etc. then being at a less rigorous school where you could devote more time to your main extracurricular while still posting top grades may be the call, if top college is the goal.
But honestly this thread is going nowhere fast. These schools are all amazing and we are splitting hairs. My kid got into 3 schools on this list and we revisited them all and let him spend time with kids there and then did the spreadsheet and let him decide. There are differences in social vibes at these schools and IMO being happy and thriving socially is a huge part of the boarding school appeal to the kids. Also, if you end up getting the dreaded I hate it here and want to come home call at some point, you can walk your kid through why they picked the school and can work it out. If you were the one to do the picking it is a lot harder. Just my two cents.
Another side debate…everyone talks about the “perfect fit”, and I agree, going to a school that feels right for a child is way more important than going to a school based on it’s rankings. But what I find interesting is that it’s almost implied that only ONE school will be the right fit for a child. And while I agree each school has its own personality, I think well rounded students will find the right fit at most of the schools they look at (given thought and research were put into the original list).
For example, we did not look at PEA or PA because I know my child doesn’t want that cut throat environment. We had Groton on our tour list and we ended up cutting that as well because my sister went there and scared my DD away with some of her stories. She also cut out another school because the tour guide spent 90% of the tour talking about how stressed she always is and how the seniors always yell at them for breaking senior privilege rules. We came away with a handful of schools (several in the “top 10”) with varying sizes, locations and characters. And while we all have a top choice for DD, I am fairly confident she will find her spot in any of the schools to which she applied.
I know emotions are at a high right now. I barely get any sleep these days thinking about DD leaving next year, but it truly will all work out in the end.
One more thing…I graduated from Lville. I had an incredible experience there but had to fight my parents to go as it wasn’t a “top 10” school at the time. They wanted me to choose a more “prestigious” school. While I have always said I’m happy I won that fight, because Lville was the perfect fit for me, I’m pretty certain I would have found the perfect fit at many of the schools to which I was accepted. And while I know the personality at Lville has changed a lot in 20+ years, with the exception of one girl freshman year, everyone really thrived there during my 4 years. So again, I do think kids will adjust and find their spot at almost any of these schools.
Re: prestigious colleges, grades are necessary but not sufficient. PEA/Pa are neither necessary nor sufficient.
I have done spreadsheets on college matriculation for most of the “top” schools, including some day schools. While there is too much “noise” (urm, athletes, development, legacies) to know for certain, there isn’t much difference.
All things matriculation being equal, I pick the high school most likely to graduate my kid with as few scars as possible and most empowered to be the most successful as possible. Definitions of success vary, for me it means autonomous, generous, grateful and kind. And knowing what he is good at, with options to pursue what fulfills him. Surrounded by people he cares about and care about him.
Through that lens, our personalized rankings look very different than niche. I had no problem going a path that was completely different than anyone we knew did for their kids. And believe me, we get #%*! for it. But the proof is the path our kid is on, and it looks amazing. The unsolicited comments I get about his all around decency and potential when he is home for breaks are Incredibly validating. Our choice may not be your choice, but it checks all our boxes, and then some, Including matriculation.
I just want everyone else to feel as great as we do with their children’s high school and future. It took kicking tires hard. No doubt many schools would have checked all the boxes, but all I care about is that the one he chose does, and I don’t have a single “what if” bouncing in my head for him not applying to PEA/PA. We weren’t in a position to choose between those and Loomis, because Loomis made the cut but PEA/PA didn’t, btw. I think that is true for many many families. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy that if you apply based on rank you choose by rank.
I feel many of the posters on this thread are a little misguided. Some are WAY too focused on college matriculation (and, to be fair, I might have been too, before my oldest went to boarding school). The Headmaster of Millbrook said it best – “The question you should be asking is not where will my child end up in college, but what school will best prepare them to be a happy and successful (as they define success) adult 20 years after graduating”. He is 100% right.
What school will allow your child to find their path, to blossom into the best version of themselves? While I agree that kids can flourish at more than one school, the schools absolutely are not interchangeable.
I remember that thread! It didn’t stop me from making my spreadsheets, though. Parents- save yourself the trouble.
Here’s the thing. I totally identify with parents at the beginning of this process, concerned with getting into top colleges. The world is fiercely competitive now. Boarding school is expensive. It is a sacrifice in other ways, too. My heart broke a little when kiddo left.
But now, a year in, I am totally a-ok with whatever college kiddo ends up in, from tippy top to local state school. Even a service academy! ?.
If I had to choose, I would spend the money on bs instead of college for my kid. Getting the high school right is making that much of a difference. He will be able to forge his own path to success just fine, no matter what comes next. I know that deep in my soul. Priceless that is.
To the OP (and anyone else asking the same question)
The MOST Reliable Ranking of US Boarding Schools is your own. YOURS. Not some magazine’s, not some website’s, and not some parent forum of BS students whom all have their own opinions because they chose schools best for their kids (and some who made mistakes in that process and chose again with better result).
YOU need to do the research for yourself and formulate your top 10 list for you.
All of the schools have excellent education and resources. All of them provide excellent opportunities. All of them are not #1 for everybody.
Yep. With your OWN ranking, you can focus on the criteria that matter most to you:
school culture?
programmatic focus on character building or mostly on academics?
caliber of arts program?
availability of a specific sport?
proximity to airport?
dorm parent ratio?
frequency of formal, seated meals?
nature of senior capstone projects?
diversity?
opportunities to engage in college level research?
mental health supports?
ease of engaging in new activity or sport?
etc…
All of these criteria will affect your child’s boarding school experience in ways that are far more tangible than the perceived “prestige”.
And when you do your own ranking, you can weight the criteria based on your own family’s values — not some anonymous editor’s who might not even have kids.
This list is such a great list BUT also a reminder that each family should come up with their own list. There are several items on this list that wouldn’t make it on our families’ top 20 important things at a BS list.
@one1ofeach Agreed. These were just a few examples of criteria that aren’t taken into account in published rankings. Each kid and family is different, so the criteria and weighting should be different!
And some of the criteria are neither a “pro” nor a “con”, but a matter of preference. Example: Frequency of seated meals. For some families it’s “the more the better” and for others once a week is one too many!
Finally, know that “prestige” can be a double-edged sword. You may think you are giving your child the advantage of attending a school with great name recognition, but you never know what it might conjure up in the minds of future employers (entitlement? Snobbiness? Partying? Who knows what prejudices or stereotypes might be there?)
A very small percentage of kids are pointy by 8th grade. If you have one of those then check any school against that pointiness.
Is your kid a great soccer player top level at 12 years old? Well then make sure to meet the soccer coach. A kid who is light years ahead in ancient Greek or speaks 4 languages? Well then send him where they have that specialty.
Hey, most things can be arranged if you know what you are looking for when you kick the tires. For the 95% of 8th graders who have no idea what they want to be when they grow up and haven’t discovered their talent, send them to any school on the list. If they have an acceptance look carefully and pick the best one.
Most posters on CC and their kids love the school they chose. Very few wouldn’t choose it again. Some are very biased. And it’s actually sweet. Not balanced —but sweet.
Many parents start out thinking matriculation is #1, it isn’t. For some, “prestige” is going to give their child a shot in the arm so their life will be perfect and they will sail thru college. It aint’ going to happen. But hey…
There was a great article written years ago about a family who sent their child to Groton. They were first-generation, from Asia and sold a building they owned to send their son to Groton. They were not wealthy. Well, you know the rest. He didn’t get into an Ivy league school and they were incensed. In the end, their expectations didn’t meet what the school was offering. It was a poor fit and a less than happy ending. I wonder what the son thought about the situation years later.
I think most folks on CC avoid the poor fit issue by doing the research.
@Happytimes2001 That Groton boy was Henry Park. He ended up studying Neuroscience at Johns Hopkins and is now a neurologist in New Jersey. Not too shabby in the end
wow. I looked up the article. Holy moly, I know this is old but the admits to ivys and their super low scores and class rank kind of blew my mind. Also made me realize my kid will never get into the colleges that “should” be a match because we aren’t donors or legacy’s.
