<p>We all wish our kids the best and have been doing our best to help them. But, do they end up where we thought they would, e.g., a right place in school, a dream college, an exciting career, or a fulfilling life? If you could do the parenting all over again and would do something differently, whats the cue that you missed early on? Whether you are a mother of a 10-year old or a 50-year old, you surely have some wisdom to share in a few sentences or so. With that wisdom we may then best channel the kids energy and ours to their potentials. We dont need the experts to tell us what to do. We the parents collectively know the best (dads included). We were kids too, and we might wish our parents did something differently.</p>
<p>Good question…
I don’t know how to do things differently. I am very proud of my daughter who graduated HS at the top of her class and is at an Ivy League school-- just finished her first year. She did really well first year in school (4.0) declared her major already (art) and will be an editor of a local newspaper. Her school friends are wonderful. We like them a whole lot better than her HS friends, with whom she is still sort of friends with, but not a huge amount. But I know that she smokes (cigarettes and… I am afraid). I know that she drinks (in moderation-- has never thrown up and doesn’t stink when she gets home. Doesn’t drive, so not an issue. Friends don’t have cars, so not an issue-- thank god.) and I am pretty sure she is getting a fake ID. So, I feel that we did do some things right, but we must have done some things wrong as well… I don’t know what I should have done to avoid some of this stuff that is self-destructive.</p>
<p>Parents of ordinary kids may have as much or more wisdom than those of smart kids. If your kids are where you expected them to be, please share your secrets as well. Your D is smart, franglisg, but you must have a secret or two, because she can keep her eyes on the ball (straight A and good friends) even though she does things that could distract her (lots of fun though). Please share.</p>
<p>I would have done the required thirty hours of driving, with a parent in the car, back when gas was cheap.</p>
<p>If I had known I was raising the top Latin student in the world (OK one of two) maybe I should have let him watch kids’ videos in foreign languages or
language learning videos. Why wasn’t I warned?</p>
<p>Proud parent of an “ordinary” kid here. Not the top anything in the world or even this country. Don’t wish I had done anything different really. I did the best I could, just as my parents did. I wasn’t concerned about making sure either of my kids reached their “potential” just as my parents weren’t. </p>
<p>Just went by the old Golden Rule…treat everyone the way you want to be treated. </p>
<p>Worked for me and mine just fine.</p>
<p>
As Sam Bernstein said about his son, “If I’d known he would grow up to be Leonard Bernstein, I’d have made him practice more!”</p>
<p>My kids’ high school loves to be on that Newsweek Top 100 list, so they push AP classes like crazy. We signed my son up for WAY too many AP classes-all on the recommendations of teachers and counselors. His weighted GPA is fine, but when schools start asking for unweighted-yikes. With the two daughters coming up, we are going to be much more cautious about the AP classes.</p>
<p>One thing I am glad we did is start early signing our children up for interesting sounding experiences which they attended not knowing any one (e.g., Zoo Day Camp at age 4) and continuing that throughout elementary/middle and high school, letting them make the choices on which such camps/activities/summer programs as they got older. Although both children fall on the introversion end of the personality scale, both think nothing of jumping into such experiences now and are becoming very competent and independent young adults. (One reason we made that choice is that my parents always made sure I had a friend or cousin signed up with me for summer camps, etc., and when I got older, it was excruciatingly hard for me to do new things alone and sometimes I’d skip things that sounded great because I wouldn’t know anyone.)</p>
<p>I would have spent less time worrying to myself about why my older son isn’t more like me.</p>
<p>My younger one is just like me, bless his heart. Now that’s cause for worry.</p>
<p>If you have a gymnast and the gym wants to have them take lots of hours of classes at a very young age, do it. Gymnastics is a race against time…you want to get them as far along as you can before they have the sense to be scared!</p>
<p>Don’t bleed on the carpet.</p>
<p>Or leave nail polish out where 2 year olds can paint their toenails on the carpet!</p>
<p>If I had it to do again, I’d somehow make sure my kids kept eating a variety of food. They got pickier and pickier each year, especially the older one. He would eat anything when he was three.</p>
<p>I’d have stamped my feet more about math acceleration too.</p>
<p>I would have focused more on being the kind of person I hoped they’d become rather than trying to teach them to become that kind of person.</p>
<p>I would have cautioned the first child against overextending herself and trying to do everything in the world all at once. Wait, I did caution her. She didn’t listen and was often grouchy from lack of sleep. Oh well, she survived and so did we.</p>
<p>Second child was also an overachiever but got along quite well on less sleep.</p>
<h1>3 and 4 are less ambitious, thank goodness. :)</h1>
<p>So, words of wisdom? How about “Lessons will be repeated until they are learned.” And that goes for both children and parents!</p>
<p>Lots of wisdom here already, but IMO the best goes to post #8. Very competent and independent young adults with introversion personality would be grateful to mom and dad for their years of effort, regardless of what kind of colleges they go to.</p>
<p>Parents on CC are trying very hard to help their kids. Have you been doing so all along? If not, isnt it a little late a year or two before college? The wisdom we are seeking is that we, those with younger kids, can start early so we dont have to be anxious/frustrated right before college.</p>
<p>It seems parents with top students dont have as much wisdom to offer. Are some top students also weird which affects their life in some way? Whats your wisdom there?</p>
<p>Since I like the way my d has turned out, I’d be afraid to say I’d do much differently. Who knows what minor changes in her life would have changed who she is? You never know where things can lead. For example, as a fall baby, if I had let her spend another year in preschool instead of sending her to kindergarten, would she be as independent and mature as she is now? If I hadn’t sent her to a school that had swimming lessons at a camp that I never would have considered otherwise, would she have met the wonderful teacher who helped her transition into a new school? If I had sent her to the local school instead of a private one for the first few years, would she have “learned how to learn” the same way that she did? If we hadn’t gone to see a friend’s child in “The Nutcracker”, would she have taken up dance? If I had put her into different activities or fed her differnt foods, or whatever, what major change would have appeared in 16 years?</p>
<p>There’s always the “road less traveled” - but I can’t say I’d do too much differently. Not that I was a perfect parent (far from it), but I like my kid.</p>
<p>I’ve tried to talk to my kids about various jobs and careers since they were small…the nitty gritty of working hours and conditions, etc. For example, every Christmas Eve as we drive to church, I point out the places that we pass that are open - stores, hospitals, hotels, some restaurants. I talk to them about who works holidays and weekends and who doesn’t…not to discourage them from certain jobs, but to make sure that they go into any job with their eyes open.</p>
<p>My sister in law has a son with a below average IQ - struggled mightily all the way through school; he’s tried and failed at 2 or 3 colleges. What he desperately needed in high school was careful career counseling…I’m sure that there are several jobs that he could do well, rather than being a failure in a tradional college setting. He’s about 21 now, and rather than the three of them trying to find a trade that he would enjoy, his parents are now looking for a groundskeeper job for him. I know he could do more than that, but they did just about everthing wrong with him in planning for his adult life. </p>
<p>If your child is not likely to be “traditional college material”, investigate the many interesting and often profitable alternatives.</p>
<p>chedva is right…who knows what we did or didn’t do? But certainly having many experiences helped our kids decide what they might like to do. </p>
<p>And many of our kids are self-starters, which helped a LOT. All I had to do for 2 of mine is stay out of the way…or provide transportation! Child #4 is very bright but not as motivated…I’ve always had to encourage him to do things he wouldn’t have thought of himself, unlike the first 3. We’ll see if my prodding has any effect later in life or if he just lets things come to him! </p>
<p>As the mother in the old song said, “Que sera, sera.”</p>
<p>My son is exactly where he should be, BM degree continuing on with his masters. I wish I had the wisdom to make him believe he IS where he needs to be right now at 21, not his out of this world standards. He is pounding the pavement for a job that will continue throughout the school year. Feeing that his degree is worthless for crummy jobs. I am still happy and proud he followed his passion successfully.</p>
<p>My wisdom that helps me sometimes (but not too much today). “Some day in the future, I’ll wish I had this problem to worry about”.</p>