At least in New Orleans, you don’t have to worry about the out of town guests finding a good place to eat.
I think you should seriously consider a hotel venue for an event this large. My employer recently had a meeting at the Ritz, and we got surprisingly good room rates.
When my DD got married we gave her a cash gift to use however she wanted, even elopement would have been ok, she chose a small wedding at our home & had “change” leftover from the gift. Because it was our home & she did not live here, we had to be involved in much of it, but I deferred to her i everything. It did drive me crazy when she was not planning things ahead enough for me because I like things well planned, but even a low key easy going kid was a bit on edge during the process. I am glad I stayed mellow and did not foment any discord.
My wedding was more formal and,of course, mauve-pink, very traditional. I like the new fun creative options.
DD’s wedding was small, under 100 and most people were from out of town, the groom’s parents invited all out of towners which was lovely & most of the same people as the wedding guests.
D will be married later this year. Our family custom is a small rehearsal dinner with the wedding party and immediate family. Future SIL’s family custom is a large rehearsal dinner with all relatives and out of town guests. This is his family’s custom and we respect that. There will be a very large rehearsal dinner party. I agree with others that this is the blending of two families. We adore our future SIL and want his family to be happy and comfortable, too. I will help D’s future MIL as she organizes this event.
D and her fiancé are 30-ish. H and I are buying D’s beautiful wedding dress and giving them a fairly large amount of money for their wedding and reception. They will pay for the rest. They have included H and me in many of the decisions, but we always tell them, “This is your day. You should have it exactly the way you want it.” We think they are making great choices and will be very happy with their day and even happier in their life together.
I think things have changed so much that the old wedding rules are no longer valid. For example, now weddings are often held where the ‘older than 22’ bride and groom live (as in this case) so everyone is traveling. To say you must include the out of town guest to a rehearsal dinner just isn’t practical anymore. You can either throw a party and invite everyone to a casual picnic or BBQ or hold the traditional dinner, not both. The B&G want to have a fun weekend for all their guests, and usually that means that much of the weekend has to be more casual, and entertainment on the less expensive side. I know that’s what I’d want, everyone included but the overall event a little on the more casual side. A friend’s daughter got married (many years ago now) to a professional football player. The wedding was all very traditional, but the groom was from out of town, his parents not really sophisticated, and they just didn’t know what to do about the rehearsal dinner. My friend just said “Let’s have a pool party” so they all ended up in her backyard. It doesn’t take many pro football players to fill up a little backyard pool, but it was a really fun night and took all the presser off the out of town in-laws to set up a dinner.
OP, I think you should consider having a rehearsal lunch on Friday for just the wedding party and the grandparents. I wouldn’t include the cousins or aunts, just the wedding party and immediate family (both sides) The traditional meal you envision and then the party later on. The grandparents may not be able to enjoy the rehearsal party to its fullest, but the wedding is not about them, and they will have been included in the traditional rehearsal dinner. You want them included in everything, yes, but the B&G’s opinions count too. It would be nice if you had some relatives ‘volunteer’ to make sure the older folks are comfortable, have food, have a good place to watch the party so that you are free to be the hosts at the rehearsal party.
I think the venue sounds great, and that you can have it as fancy as you’d like by selecting food to match your budget.
Agree with twoinanddone above that things have changed. In D’s case her wedding will be held near our home in NoVA, she and her fiance live in NYC. They both grew up here so it is not a destination wedding, but his family now lives in Florida and most of our extended family is in the midwest. Several of the couple’s NY friends will be invited. There was NOWHERE the wedding could be held without a large number of guests traveling.
The wedding is being held at an historic home and we have the house from Friday PM through Sunday AM. The Friday rehearsal dinner will be held there and it will be the wedding party, parents. grandparents, clergy only. If we were to open it up to all out of town guests we would need to invite at least 100 people. Seriously. H and I are paying for the entire wedding and we just can not stretch things that far.
@snowball, I’m sure you’ll do your research but about some of the venues in post #196 -
Andrea’s is in a suburb, just next to the Causeway and you probably don’t want a suburban venue.
The old Falstaff brewery is interesting (you can see the light from almost anywhere in the city) but it’s in a grim neighborhood with a court/jail across the street and bail bondsmen’s offices everywhere.
Not sure, but the two plantations are likely out of town.
Cafe Amelie may not be big enough, but find time to eat there if you can! They have great food and they also have a nice little casual deli/gumbo place next door.
Just thinking about all the events & PizzaGirl mentioned a Thursday rehearsal for a Saturday wedding, that sounds like a great way to take the pressure off that last 24 hours, have Friday be able to be more mellow for the bride and groom.
I am also thinking about my wedding & DD’s wedding. I don’t recall my rehearsal dinner at all other than seeing it in photos, I don’t remember all the parts of the wedding day, frequently what stands out are the very best & very worst or oddest moments: when old Aunt Edith came up to talk to the couple during their first dance, when the bouquet hit the ceiling in the toss, when the MIL changed to seating in the church as she was seated and had never mentioned it before. I saw many chances in my DDs wedding where I could have inadvertently given her negative memories. Other than insisting on knowing the plan ahead of time, I stepped away from any potential conflict, anything I would have changed would not be recalled now, but the conflict would.
Of course, if someone has a huge family which is going to remember the lack of a proper dinner, that is another thing to negotiate and I would be sure that they were all clear on precisely what is happening, especially where it is different than their traditional expectation.
“anything I would have changed would not be recalled now, but the conflict would…”
^^^THIS IS BRILLIANT^^^
Yes, quite brilliant!