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I didn’t get my gardening as I had hoped. It was just too windy and cold. Felt like October weather. But my son made me our favorite dessert: cheesecake. Yumm!</p>
<p>My other kids who are away in college called to wish me a Happy Day. Just hearing from them made me smile.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for all your great stories. {{{hugs}}} to you worknprogress</p>
<p>You are all such wonderful moms. I hope that each of you, and all the other moms in your lives, had the happiest of Mothers’ Days. I am not a mom myself and will never have the opportunity to be one (although one of my dearest wishes is to be a grandma someday!), but I do think that I understand and appreciate what being a mom means, and how important mothers are, as much as anyone who isn’t one herself. Partly from my own experience of being a female parent for quite a long time now, and perhaps partly because I was so close to my own mom, and lost her at such a young age for both of us (20 for me, only 52 for her, when we were in a car accident, 35 years ago today, while she was driving me home from New Haven at the end of my final year at Yale.) Today is always a sad day for me, even after all these years. I try not to, but I can remember almost every moment of that day as if it happened yesterday. I miss her very much, still, and am so sorry that we never had a chance to have a relationship with each other as two adults, and, more than that, that she never had a chance to be a grandmother, something I know she was very much looking forward to. I know she would have been the best grandma ever, and would have loved J. so much and been so proud of him. </p>
<p>Not to mention that when I think of her a lot, as I’m doing today, I can’t help still worrying sometimes, silly as it sounds, about whether she would have accepted me as I am, and would still love me. I hope so, and would like to think she would have, if she felt about me anything like I feel about J. She did say some things to me when I was a young child that make me think she suspected how I felt, and would have been supportive. But, who knows?</p>
<p>In any event, congratulations to every one of you. And I do want to thank you all for having treated me as if I were one of you. Perhaps it shouldn’t, but that means something to me.</p>
<p>Donna</p>
<p>Hugs to you Donna- I consider you a mom- after all not all moms became that way because they gave birth-
It is hard to lose a parent and in such a sudden wrenching way- I hope that it gets easier for you .
I spent most of my mothers day preparing a bouquet to take to my parents cemetery marker. I had hoped to give my D a ride back to school and to have dinner with her- but she had already arranged for a ride.
However especially considering her usual temprament and seeing dmd77s post, I am appreciating that she did take the time to come & that means alot.</p>
<p>Referring back to my post #14, I am delighted to report that my tactic is working. Not only did eldest D pick up the check at dinner but my youngest D also showed up as a surprise Mother’s Day gift. She flew in the night before and is staying for 4 nights. It was a happy day.</p>
<p>DonnaL, in my mind you are both a Mom and a Dad, but I think it’s your families choice as to what roles you want to fill. </p>
<p>I’m sorry you lost your Mom so young and in such circumstances. My mother lost both her parents before I was old enough to remember them. I was always sorry that I never had the chance to know them.</p>
<p>Thanks, emk and mathmom. </p>
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<p>That’s pretty much how I like to think of myself, at least de facto. I don’t see why you can’t be both at the same time! Especially because I completely understand why it’s so very important to J. for me to still be his Dad. Which makes for a somewhat odd situation when we go to dinner on Father’s Day: everyone assumes I’m his mom (as usual), and probably feels sorry for him, thinking that he doesn’t have a dad he can be with on that day. As long as we know what we are to each other, though, what does it really matter what others think?</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for their kind words. Seeing irrefutable signs of dementia so close to Mother’s Day made it particularly bittersweet. </p>
<p>I was chuckling to myself, however, as I was NOT always such a good daughter. You know how we have MoWC on these boards? Well trust me, I was WC in high school and college. Honestly, I don’t know how I survived. </p>
<p>So for those of you who have kids who make you crazy, take heart. Maybe they will be the one caring for you someday. </p>
<p>Donna - What feelings you must have on Mother’s Day. I have a hunch your mom would have been happy for your happiness.</p>
<p>I just received the largest bouquet in my Mexico City office. Today is their official mother’s day, not Sun. A lot of moms in the office are going home at 2pm (MC time). I also recieved a gift certificate for a spa treatment.</p>
<p>S came home from his boarding school, he ordered 2 pairs of flip flops and a bracelet for me from Vineyard Vines. I have a massive flip flop addiction, he usually teases me for it, so it was nice that he was willing to “feed the beast.” He and H made me blueberry pancakes and did chores to help get the house ready for the big graduation party in 3 weeks. Then dinner at home, chocolate cake and S went back to school.</p>
<p>Donna,
thanks for your story. I’m so sad to read what today means to you, 35 years later. Time may heal wounds, but they never disappear. How devastating to go through that! And of course you’re the mother AND the father. Today’s family roles are all blurred anyway!</p>
<p>I made Mom’s day reservations for brunch. My college daughter flew in for the weekend, which was quite special, as she hadn’t been home since Christmas. I would like to think she flew home because she missed us, but I think it was probably more because she loves brunch and got $5 tickets off frequent flyer miles. She got me a old picture, of she and I in big hats playing dressup when she was 3, made into a wall hanging. My younger daughter bought me a ton of my favorite sponge bob square pants golf balls. (How can you possibly have a bad round when your ball is grinning at you.)</p>
<p>No gifts. DH gave me a happy Mother’s Day hug. S2(broke college student) got me a card and a candy bar. S1 who is serving in the Navy called to say Happy MD. </p>
<p>It’s nothing new here. DH and I have been making some big purchases for the house lately with more to come. I really wasn’t expecting anything.</p>
<p>Donna,</p>
<p>i think you are a terrific parent, and your son and friends appreciate your sensitivity.</p>
<p>So, Mother’s Day was stressful this year because DH wanted me to get a new car - I drive a 91 Volvo. I love my car. I am attached to my car. I am very attached to the “old volvo specialists” who work on my car. I love the spit-up stains and dog pee stains and ice cream cones that went heads up stains and all manner of ground up raisins and corn chips and M&Ms that no amount of detailing cleaning will ever expunge.</p>
<p>I think of my car as a sort of womb where I raised two amazing human beings and nothing will pry it from my old fingers.</p>
<p>I just can’t stand the thought of losing this car. We don’t have one of those big lots where you can park old cars at odd angles and forget them.</p>
<p>Hi Donna,</p>
<p>Your post touched my heart. I’m so sorry you lost your mom when you were both too young.
I think you are a wonderful, loving parent.</p>
<p>Hugs,
FG</p>
<p>sewhappy, I loved my slightly battered Land Cruiser with 160,000 miles on it. I planned to drive that truck until S graduated from college. My H felt I should have a new car, I disagreed. This past Christmas at the bottom of my stocking was the key to a Mercedes GL450. Honestly my initial reaction was anger, luckily I hid it well, I now love, love, love my new SUV. I feel a little guilty about it sometimes, but I like it. I also miss my LC. H kept it for himself!</p>
<p>anothercrazymom,</p>
<p>Yeah . . . I guess . . . kind of thinking about an Audi.</p>
<p>I had a lovely Mother’s Day. My 16-year son likes to cook, and made a delicious dinner (of all HIS favorite foods, of course). He had a school show choir concert and they end with a sweet song about and child loving his mother and they all bring roses to their mothers and serenade us. We all cry.</p>
<p>D is still at college. She sent me an e-card in Spanish - I used to be fluent, and used to help her study. She wanted to make sure I was keeping up with my Spanish, and also let me know she was learning something (she’s studying for her Spanish final). She also called (during her brother’s choir concert) but we talked later. She was in the woods identifying rocks for her geosciences take home test.</p>
<p>Husband purchased tickets for us to see a show house for a local charity.</p>
<p>It was a good day. Much better than 19 years ago, when I had given birth to our D a month earlier. Mother’s Day came and went with nothing. I reasoned that I wasn’t my H’s mother and he was probably waiting until the children could do something themselves for me. Until a month later and he told me what he wanted for father’s day, and I lost it. He said he didn’t realize he had totally forgotten mother’s day - he didn’t think of me as a mother! Of course, 19 years later I’m totally over it.</p>
<p>c-q, I guess there could be sort of a compliment in your H’s comment that he didn’t “think of you as a mother”… Not so swift to make a suggestion for a F-day present, though :)</p>
<p>Sewhappy,</p>
<p>My Volvo became history last week. Still mourning loss. It served me well for 11 years.</p>