Mother's Driving Concern Justified?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hey parents!
I usually lurk here but I decided to make an account.
I am honestly bamboozled at how my mom reacted to my suggestion that I drive a friend and my dad to the Houston airport and back. I was hoping that y’all might give me your thoughts and stories about your sons and daughters so that I can better understand why my mom thinks the way she does. Right now, I’m leaning towards the idea that she’s too overprotective but maybe after hearing from other parents, I’ll have a different view. Thanks in advance!</p>

<p>The story: I got my driver’s license at age 16 but I never really drove around until I was around 18, the summer before I left for college. During that summer, my dad made me drive on the highway (75 and 635 if anyone’s curious) for 3 hours a week with him for around 2 months. However, I still didn’t own a car and didn’t drive my freshman year. </p>

<p>Skip 1 year to sophomore summer. I signed up for 2 months of summer classes at the local community college. 2 months go by and I drove safely.</p>

<p>Junior summer, I took another course at a nearby university. Same deal, but my parents bought me a new car. Nearing end of summer, I decided that it might be a good idea to drive my dad and my friend, who’s subletting my apartment, to the airport. I mean, they had similar flight times and they were in the same place; convenience, right? </p>

<p>Cue my mom’s smoldering tirade pointing out my inexperience amid accusations of me being “rebellious.” Her solution for me was that I drove with my dad riding shotgun for 2 hours per day for a few days aimlessly on the highway to get used to Houston drivers 2 months later(as in, I’m definitely not going to be driving my dad and friend to the airport because I am obviously not ready RIGHT NOW). To be honest, that seemed perfectly reasonable, but she just went ON and ON about me being so reckless with my driving and how I just “don’t understand Houston drivers, etc, etc” Eventually, she stomped off in near tears.</p>

<p>My thought process was that before driving, I would have already looked online at directions and printed off a copy of the map. I would also have a GPS that gave me directions while I drove. My dad would be driving there so I could have a sense of how I was supposed to come back. Apparently, all these precautions were still not enough to counteract the almighty unpredictability and aggressiveness of all those Houston crazies on the highway!</p>

<p>I would like to think I’m a pretty defensive driver. I keep to the speed limits, use my turn signal, am content to drive in one lane at a constant speed without trying to get ahead in traffic. I’ve actually followed a person who drove 30mph in 40 mph on a one way road because I didn’t want to go into oncoming traffic lane and speed up (to give you an idea of how I drive). I didn’t really mind losing a minute or two to a slow driver. I’ve actually driven my mom a few times and she was perfectly fine with it.</p>

<p>What do the parents here think? Are there any stories that can help me understand just why she toed the line between crazy and concerned? Is there something that I might be missing? Or is my mom just being a helicopter parent?
Thanks again!</p>

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<p>Don’t even ask me. I’m totally freaked out about 18 year old son driving on the highway. However, I know I’m irrational so don’t offer my opinion. My H is more rational.</p>

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<p>Houston traffic is scary. How far to the airport from where you are? On first impressions, she sound unnecessarily paranoid.</p>

4

<p>Mom is a bit over protective to say the least.As an aside, you drive both ways. When you are driving you tend to focus more on directions, etc.</p>

<p>You re in college? Dad needs to step in and say, child is driving, letit go</p>

<p>How old is mom, as a woman of a certain age I have a feeling about this.</p>

5

<p>I can’t make a lot of comments about your situation, although I would hope that your parents wouldn’t have bought you a car if they didn’t trust you to drive it.</p>

<p>I think it is worth saying that, even as a 20 year experienced driver, airports are some of the scariest places for me to drive. Lots of traffic, lots of lane changes, speed limit changes, and other distractions that make them pretty tricky to drive. I don’t know what the Houston airplane is like, but I’m speaking from experience with Sky Harbor (Phoenix) & Seatac airports. </p>

<p>I think that an inexperienced driver should be more cautious when driving to /from an airport than some other driving experiences.</p>

6

<p>At 17, I drove 3 hours everyday one summer for an internship with a legislative senator. I drove on 2-3 of NJ’s main roads during rush hour each time. </p>

<p>Skip to two years later: I racked up over 25,000 miles of driving at this point. A freak storm came through the area, and I was on the highway. My car hydroplaned, spun out, and flipped to its side in the middle of traffic. Luckily, I came out of it with just a bruise, and no one else was in the car with me at the time. Granted, this was a weather incident, but anything can happen.</p>

<p>On top of that, major city airports are an absolute mess to navigate, even for the experienced, seasoned driver. </p>

<p>I can completely understand where your mom is coming from. My parents would freak out when I would decide to drive to certain places. They still do even though I have over 100,000 miles driven at this point.</p>

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<p>My kids learned to drive in DC traffic, including to/from the airports, so it wouldn’t faze me in the least. But I have learned I am pretty easy going on the whole driving thing in comparison to a lot of people.</p>

8

<p>How skilled a driver is your mother? It could be that she is fearful of driving and assumes that you are worse than she is (even if you are not worse than she is).</p>

<p>I have driven out of and into Houston Hobby airport and did not notice anything that was unusually difficult about it (coming from the perspective of something not familiar with the area) or the Houston area. Indeed, freeway driving in Houston seemed to be relatively low stress, since the frontage / feeder roads alongside all freeways mean that there was not as much of the “slow merge” problem at every on-ramp.</p>

<p>It may be the case that airports do have less predictable other drivers who are unfamiliar with the area, or rushing to return a rental car to catch a flight that they are in danger of missing, etc… But they do not seem to be especially poorly marked or anything like that.</p>

9

<p>It’s about 14 miles from my apartment to Hobby airport. It’s pretty much taking i45 down 11 or 12 miles and taking Broadway or 35 for 3 more miles. </p>

<p>I understand that Houston highways can be obnoxious (coming from Dallas), tons of trips to Chinatown have certainly helped me understand that. I’ve seen people speeding up from 6 car lengths away to stop others from turning. I’ve seen tailgating and blinker flashing at 70 miles per hour. But if I’m not going to have experience driving, when would be the best time? </p>

<p>I won’t lie when I admit that driving did indeed scare me, and that was also part of the reason why I didn’t want to drive at age 16 (The other reason being that I knew both my parents would oppose it and I wouldn’t hear the end of it until I left for college). If I don’t start now, when would I? I’ve driven the past two months on local roads and haven’t broken any laws (knock on wood).</p>

<p>I truly was confused because my mom tends to be the one that encouraged me to do things I normally wouldn’t do and my dad tends to be the helicopter. This time, it’s my dad that’s lax and my mom that’s overprotective. </p>

<p>My mom honestly believes that I want to fly before I can walk. I just saw it as the next step to take in driving. It’s not like they got me a sports car or a smart car for driving. They got me an SUV! I won’t be drag racing or making crazy turns any time soon! Did I mention I’m 21?</p>

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<p>Another parent whose kids learned to drive in DC traffic, all kinds of weather, etc. We had restrictions on not having friends in the car, or being a passenger of, until they were 18. Just too many kids in their high school lost in auto accidents, always with others in the car. </p>

<p>Frankly it sounds like your mom is being overprotective, with every good intention of keeping you safe. Sadly we can’t bubblewrap you ‘kids’ forever. Perhaps your dad could help talk to her. It sounds like you’ve done everything you can to show you’re a responsible driver. Maybe he can help out.</p>

11

<p>Maybe you can point out to your mother a few things-that the only way to become a better driver is to…drive. The only way to learn how to drive in airports and heavy traffic is to…drive in airports and heavy traffic. The only way to learn to drive in a big city is to… drive in a big city. </p>

<p>Since they bought the car for you, it’s entirely their right to set parameters on when and where you can drive it. But, as you pointed out, you’ve BEEN getting more and more practice and you’re not a kid anymore, you’re an adult not far off from living your own life away from mom and dad, where they won’t GET a say. If you’ve been responsible and cautious, and it sounds like you have, I as a parent would certainly let you make this drive. </p>

<p>My older 2 kids grew up in a city with such great public transportation that although they took driver’s ed, neither of them got their license until they were over 18. They handled their own costs, including when they bought their own used cars. It wasn’t for me to dictate to them anything about their driving choices. It’s worked out well for both of them. </p>

<p>I think your mom is being over protective and dramatic, but this is the internet, not your life so there’s likely some history I don’t know about. At some point though, they’re going to have to take your training wheels off. Age 21 and about to finish college is more than time enough, in my book.</p>

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<p>Your mother is being very unreasonable. You’re a senior in college, have been driving since you were 16 and she doesn’t think you’re ready yet? My goodness. My Ds all learned to drive, in a large city, when they were 16, and in all kinds of weather. They all did long distance trips while still in high school. The way to become a good and confident driver is to get lots of experience. All moms worry, it’s our job, but it sounds to me from the information you’ve given, that your mom is not thinking rationally. Maybe your dad could step in here and explain that to her? In my opinion, no parent should be dictating to a college senior where and when they can drive, even if they’ve paid for the car.</p>

13

<p>Your mom’s use of the word rebellious is a clue that this may be a control issue versus a concern about your driving status. Can you suggest that she ride along too?</p>

14

<p>I can understand your mother’s concerns about airport/highway although her way of expressing them is unfortunate. Airports are sites of frequent accidents because people aren’t paying attention to the roads, only the signs, and they don’t know where they’re going. There are some very challenging driving situations that I would not want my kid to try to negotiate even though she has driven a fair amount. Rationally, I know that she must deal with them, but I"m still afraid because I love her.</p>

<p>While I do not think you should change your plan to drive back from the airport, I would not argue with her right to be upset. Be calm and mature and accept that she is worried about your safety. You are doing everything reasonably possible to prepare for the drive. Leave it at that. Don’t try to be “right” or get some admission out of her that she is being unreasonable.</p>

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<p>Agree with most of the comments. Without knowing how you actually drive your Mom’s reaction seems over the top … then again a lot of parents overreact about their kids driving. (Exactly, how do these parents think they learned how to drive in traffic, big cities, etc without … you know … driving in traffic and big cities).</p>

<p>The question I have is where is Dad in all of this. He should have your back and be calming Mom down IMO.</p>

16

<p>OP - It was generous of your parents to purchase a car for you. And it was generous of you to offer your Dad the ride to the airport. Bask in those warm rays. In time your Mom and Dad will feel more comfortable discussing their feelings. Best not to rush them IMHO.</p>

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<p>Maybe explain that you will be with your dad on the drive there and that the drive back will be much easier. I have always found that the drive in to an airport is much more tense, has more traffic and more confusion. Leaving an airport never seems as bad. People are more relaxed, traffic never seems as heavy and it always seems more straight forward (unless it is a strange town). Really the only way to learn to drive in this kind of situation is to drive in this kind of situation. Mom needs to let you grow up. Call her before you go, call her when you get there and when you get home and that may help reassure her. Do not answer calls from her while driving.</p>

18

<p>Are Mom and Dad currently married to each other and living with each other? This type of behavior would make a bit more sense to me if there is a divorce/separation and it really is a “why him not me?” issue for your mom.</p>

<p>Does your mom drive? If so, why doesn’t she just ride along with you, dad, and friend? Then the two of you could stop for lunch somewhere on the way home, and dissect the behaviors of the crazy drivers you have witnessed that day.</p>

19

<p>You should be able to drive them.</p>

<p>Why’s your mom saying you’re ‘reckless’ when you haven’t had any issues driving? That doesn’t make sense.</p>

<p>It also doesn’t make sense that your parents would have purchased a new car for you yet don’t really want you to drive it. </p>

<p>What exactly is it about this particular drive that your mom’s so concerned about since you obviously drive otherwise? Is it because you’ll have other people in the car with you?</p>

<p>There’s also the point that if you don’t drive you won’t get experience driving - a catch 22. You need to actually drive to have driving experience.</p>

<p>What’s your dad have to say about it? He’s he one you’d be driving.</p>