<p>My teen son was quite a pack-rat. He’s into electronics and always had parts and pieces of various projects stored in his room along with all the regular clutter. Trying to get him to clean up and sort out was next to impossible and I mostly let it go.
The first thing he did when he got home from college this summer was spend 2 days COMPLETELY gutting his room. He cleaned out EVERYTHING (possibly even threw out too much childhood memorabilia, but oh well, I’ll get over it…), built a desk in his closet and now has a beautiful state-of-the-art room that functions perfectly for his current needs. You never know!</p>
<p>I think our children are related! I would first get her permission to do a thorough cleaning. I did it a few years when my daughter was at summer camp when she was a tween, however she has forbid me to do this in her current room. (she moved to the 3rd floor 2+ years ago which did help in sorting through some stuff, although now she has 2 rooms with her stuff). She swears she will get it under control before she leaves for college in 7 weeks, after which I’ve told her I can go through anything that looks like a mess. She did get a jolt this week - she had put a box of small stuff on a desk in our upstairs hall where I pull together donations. I handed a few things to her (inlcuding straw hats she had made for her favorite beanie babies) and wondered why she was getting rid of them. She grabbed her stuff and took it up to the current room to find it a home. (We found plastic underbed storage boxes were the best way to store beanie babies & other stuffed animals that can’t be parted with quite yet). </p>
<p>My 14yo son is happy to let me really clean his room, with I insist ever few months, especially when I come across food wrappers and plates.</p>
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<p>Been there…done that. The clean doesn’t last for long, LOL!</p>
<p>Why does the OP care that much?? Does she need to control her entire environment including the private space of others that much? She can get rid of her stuff when SHE is ready to get rid of it. Unless there is an immediate health hazard just close the door and stay the heck out. I kept a fair number of random things from my younger years and 50 years later I am very glad I did. I wish I had kept more of my old toys and stuff–much of it is considered classic 50’s stuff and very valuable today.</p>
<p>Same goes double for wives who feel the need to throw out their husband’s stuff. Keep your hands off. Unless it’s a real danger to health it’s none of your affair.</p>
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<p>Well, as a parent, it’s part of my job to teach my kids good habits. Keeping your living space relatively junk free is a good habit to develop. So I do care. </p>
<p>I was just never successful at getting D1 to catch the vision. "You’re going off to college and you’ll have roommate problems if you keep your dorm room as messy as you keep your bedroom at home. [She had a roommate as messy as she was. They got along fine!] Sigh…</p>
<p>So now she is living on her own in a messy apartment, but that’s her choice. When it comes to messy room, my mom hat is off.</p>
<p>Several black bags of D’s stuffed toys are at “Camp Storage”. She’s ok with it, but doesn’t want them donated. Many of them are truly lovely puppets, they are safely stored but out of the way. It works for both of us.</p>
<p>For the dresser, once it’s clean, check with a glass shop, have a peice of glass cut to fit. Much easier to keep clean. For the dresser scarf. I love old fabrics, I’m pretty conservative about cleaning them. I’d do the Martha Pullen soak: Ivory dish soap (white) and Clorax 2 powder, mix with warm water and whip (I actually use a whisk). Soak for as long as possible. Drain—do not lift wet item from bucket/sink, just pour out the water and add fresh. When you are ready to lift it out, scoop it up from the bottom, wet fabric is fragile. If you have one, link the sink or bucket with a white towel, use the towel to lift out the fabric. Rinse several times in cool water, lay flat to dry. Do not put it in the dryer or direct sun until you are sure the stains are out. If they are still there, try soilove–it’s in a green bottle. Possibly rubbing alcohol might work, try it in a small spot. Don’t rub, dab.</p>
<p>OP,
My D. has accumulated stuff for 8 years, all thru HS, all thru UG. She just cleanned out after she graduated from UG. So, do not loose hope, my D. is 21. I would not dare to throw away my D’s stuff. Not worth creating problem for …what…things, space? Which is more important to you, peace in a family or exercising control? It was first for me, you need to decide for yourself.</p>
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<p>The problem with this is that “junk” is a very subjective judgement when we are talking about people’s personal possessions. One person’s junk is another person’s treasure. I can’t imagine that anyone outside my family would look at the boxes I have for each kid of their school projects, mother’s day projects, etc. and think they were anything but junk. But they aren’t junk to me. In addition, the quantity of how much “junk” is acceptable is also subjective. Some people throw everything away. I have a sister-in-law who throws every project her kids make away. They will have nothing to remember their childhood by. She can’t stand clutter. Someone else would allow for a lot more of that stuff to stay. Everyone has a personal and subjective standard for what they consider too much junk. I think where it gets tricky is when parents start imposing their personal preference as the standard for the kids. I’m not commenting directly on the OP’s situation, but I think parents often think their preferences are the right ones for their kids whether it is in relation to clutter or to their personal style of doing homework or their style choices and it can turn into a control issue.</p>
<p>My definition of junk free means decluttered enough to find stuff with minimal search. We had an easy way out of this. When my D was 14, she asked to redo her room, new furniture, new wall paper. We took everything out of her room and let her put back what she wanted with the new furniture. It worked out.</p>
<p>"Well, as a parent, it’s part of my job to teach my kids good habits. Keeping your living space relatively junk free is a good habit to develop. "</p>
<p>-Somehow it happens without you teaching. It does! We think it is so important what we say, while it is not really. The only thing that is important is what we do. You can say it forever, and result will be the opposite. Might as well say it when you know that you might get results.</p>
<p>There is a huge difference between ‘stuff/junk’ and ‘trash/garbage’. Empty candy wrappers, used tissues, empty makeup cases, etc are garbage and should be thrown out. Some people, it sounds like the OP’s daughter & mine, don’t always put used things in the trash, instead it piles up. (I could take a picture of her bathroom, with the 3-4 empty shampoo bottles lining the tub - they need to go in the recycling bin, but out of sight out of mind).</p>
<p>Stuff can be kept, as long as it’s put away and does not attract dust. Dust is a health hazard to some people, so having too much stuff/junk is a problem. </p>
<p>I think taping and watching a few episodes of Hoarders can be motivation for a teen to clean a room. (it was for mine!)</p>
<p>This is a mom-daughter dance, I’ve found. My daughter’s room can get pretty bad but it’s usually because she is really busy and working hard. I’m kind of a clean freak so it can upset me but I try to remember that everyone has there own take on how to manage their personal space. Sometimes I’ll suggest that it’s a good moment to maybe clean up the room and she’ll usually groan and resist. What I find is if I just say, hey let’s go through the closet together and see what can be donated or maybe there’s a nice tee-shirt in there that’s long lost . . . then it can be a pretty good scene, not so daunting as her taking on the whole job alone. You have to choose your moments.</p>
<p>I would not feel comfortable going through her room on my own, though. 17 is practically an adult. Nope. Wouldn’t do that.</p>
<p>My husband would say I am a hoarder (I am in denial). Here’s what works for me; I know he throws away if I am gone for more than 36 hours; We celebrated our 21 st anniversary yesterday. I have learned it “makes sense for him” to do this, and it “makes sense for me” to go though the stuff he purged on my return. But it makes even MORE sense to make a pre-emptive strike, and do some before he does.</p>
<p>My D. has always enjoyed somebody else cleanning her trash. I would not throw away clothes, cosmetics, jewlerly despite the fact that it was not possible to hang single wire hanger in her double closet with double rack/orgonizer on both sides and huge closet in her own bathroom. But cleanning lady is coming every 2 weeks, D/I had to pick up. That was no problem. The problem was stuff accumulated for 8 years, but it is gone, yep!! So, eventually they will do it when time is right. And D. knows how to clean, she does it at school. This is not nuclear engineering, no need to teach that. I still cannot, I do not do it. when she ask me, I say, ask somebody else, I have no idea.</p>
<p>Mother of a pack-rat daughter. Her room is rather small so she moved her old “stuff” into the basement where she’s created a shrine to her childhood, lol. It’s fine with us, as long as we’re living in this house - but if/when we ever move… oy vey. She’ll have a cleaning job from heck on her hands. </p>
<p>Her own room is a mess. When she’s at home, she keeps the door closed. When she goes off to college she hides everything in the closet and vaccums. I keep the room clean, keeping her door open because I like its natural light. </p>
<p>My own philosophy about the cleanliness of my kids’ rooms: it’s not worth fighting about. Teens are complicated and it’s best to pick your battles. Save the “fighting” for real issues.</p>
<p>“My own philosophy about the cleanliness of my kids’ rooms: it’s not worth fighting about. Teens are complicated and it’s best to pick your battles. Save the “fighting” for real issues”</p>
<p>-Agree 100%. They will change when the time comes. No need to fight for that, you will not teach them to be clean with fighting, you will teach them how to fight and control.</p>