<p>My 17 year old daughter is away until Saturday and I have been threatening to strip her room down and give it a thorough cleaning as she can’t seem to part with anything and it has become over run with “stuff”. Most of it are things from childhood: tons of stuffed animals, american girl dolls, every trophy she ever won, even books from grammar school (I knew I had to do it when I found Good Night Moon on her bookshelf) and knick knacks etc. She has said she can’t do it (she wouldn’t be able to purge anything!) and I have promised her if I do, I will not throw anything away, I will pack it up and see if she misses it (there is so much stuff, I can’t see how she would) put it in my basement and then purge at a later date if she gives the ok. I will of course keep the special things but honestly, so much of it is just stuff that she won’t miss. </p>
<p>My question: Are your girls “pack-rats”. If so, how do you keep the room free of clutter? The ironic thing is my daugher has an enormous room and I think that is why she has it filled to the gills. Desk, dollhouse (not your play kind) ladders of stuffed animals, a triple dresser, a huge armoire, a huge bookcase…every space is filled with something. Sure, people come over and “love” her room but it is driving me crazy!!! </p>
<p>Today I started and what a job! My first dilemma was her dresser. She loves make up and has gotten in the habit of applying it over her dresser in her mirror. I just about died when I pulled up my late mother’s beloved dresser scarf…it is covered in bronze colored makeup!
I have scrubbed at the top (of course, it is antique white) but I cannot get the orange glow off the dresser. I am so irritated as the dresser is only 2 years old. Any suggestions on how to remove makeup from a white dresser? </p>
<p>I need some serious advice on how to get her to understand that we are not meant to keep everything that was ever given to us, won, bought for us etc. Dear Lord, in ten years she will be featured on “Hoarders”. Advice is appreciated.</p>
<p>Try Magic Eraser on the dresser top–but carefully–it could damage the finish. It has worked for me after I “tried everything else.”
Your D will likely forget about everything after you box it up, and will love the new clean space. (Smart of you to promise not to actually throw it away without her permission–this could make some people freak out.) Good luck. I understand how it is hard for her to do it herself. I have many boxes of junk in my closet that need to be sorted through and purged and I just can’t bring myself to do it. (I could go through another person’s stuff, but my own stuff is filled with so many distracting memories that it is hard to deal with–so I just let it sit.)
We’ve moved many times, so my girls don’t have too much stuff. Never had to give away toys, books because we always had younger kids. Now my baby is 6 and my oldest D (20) boxed up all the baby/toddler toys. (I wanted to save them for grandchildren!)</p>
<p>You know, I totally understand, because my 18 year old daughter has, for some reason, various stuffed animals, her American Girl doll, and these blocks she played with, once, when she was 5. And she refuses to part with them. And I think you should leave them there. Because it’s her way of holding on to the girl she was as she transitions into being a mature, female adult. And she needs them. You might find she does her own “purge” when she comes back from college. But if she’s 17, her life is probably pretty stressful right now (not that yours isn’t), and she probably needs these familiar things as an anchor to get her through.</p>
<p>On the makeup, if it’s oil-based (creamy), try the Goo-be-gone stuff they sell at hardware stores. It’s kind to wood. Good luck.</p>
<p>Be careful of what you may find… ! All may not be “cute keepsakes”…</p>
<p>Anyway, you are a brick to do this by yourself. I would try to do it WITH my D, to share the labor, to help her, to teach her how to do it, and to avoid her feeling that you have violated her privacy and taken control over her possessions (therefore her LIFE- you know what I mean about these girls- I have two if them!)</p>
<p>DD had all of the same “stuff” in her room at age 17 except the makeup…that was in the bathroom. We left it all there. She went to college and we left it all there. She graduated and spent a couple of weeks turning her room in to a “college grad’s” room. She did all the work. I helped when she asked…and got some bins to store some of these treasures. I also boxed up the things for donations or to give to younger friends. BUT really…SHE did all the work. These were her things, not mine and I just let her do it in her own time.</p>
<p>I will say…my daughter’s room had a lot of “stuff” in it but it was very clean…very. No makeup, she dusted regularly, carpets were shampooed with the rest of the house, etc. There was just a lot of “stuff”.</p>
<p>We got new carpet. Scheduled for just after Christmas break. She had to box up everything including the closet, since the carpet layers had to move all the furniture. She got it all done except the bookcase…yes, Goodnight Moon was still there (very large bookcase). I moved the books and weeded just a little. The rest are in boxes for if she ever wants them.</p>
<p>When my daughter left for college, I boxed up most of the stuffed animals, knick knacks and mementos, but left a few important items so that her room still looks like home. She never even mentioned the decluttering, and has never asked what I did with all of the stuff. I second trying Goo Gone on the dresser - I marred the finish of a few cabinet doors with the Magic Sponge. Her makeup accumulates quickly - I’m amazed that she’ll start of a new tube of something without throwing away the empty tube. What looks like a drawer full of makeup is actually made up of at least half old and dried up makeup. I’m always after her to cull and organize.</p>
<p>I would leave it. My DD was a huge packrat. She’d get upset if I threw anything away when she was away at camp. I put my foot down when I discovered a napkin chain tucked behind her bed. She was trying to set the record for the world’s longest napkin chain. That was a fire hazard. I tell you that to give you a true idea of what a packrat she was. Her room is now a guest room, but she still has some things in it – a few photos, some books she doesn’t have space for at her apartment and few other things which is fine. But she did start to get rid of things during her college years. Being away allowed her to see that she didn’t need most of that stuff. Then when she graduated, she did a much bigger purge. She has moved enough times in the past few years to have good reason not to be a packrat anymore. Unless your daughter is keeping things like used candy wrappers by the boxful, I don’t think you have to worry about her becoming a hoarder.</p>
<p>I felt uncomfortable reading the OP post .I had most of the same problems ,but I felt the OP was talking about a 7 , not 17 year old .Why does mom feel the need to manage everything ,as if she were a child ? I had talked how D’s room was out of control ,and I expected HER to handle it . She is 18 ,and just finished freshman year of college . I told her she had to clean up before she left for her volunteer work on a farm in Sweden for 8 weeks . I expected her stuff to be sorted in 3 groups -stuff to donate , stuff to throw out , and stuff to be saved . She did a reasonable job . Now I can clean it . Why does mom feel the need to clean it ? Let your D take control of her stuff and sort it . Tell her a reasonable consequence that will happen if she doesn’t handle her stuff ,Start treating her as a 17 year old .</p>
<p>Some young adults just can’t deal with the getting rid-of things issue. This IS the reasonable consequence since Mom has been asking for a purge for some time. If D said this approach was OK (boxing things up) then go ahead. She’ll be glad in the long run because her room will look more grown-up. </p>
<p>I am in the process of moving to a smaller house and have been sorting through so many years of stuff! We’ve been in our house for 20 years and it was all too easy to keep everything. I actually found my D’s kdg. registration packet in our downstairs storage area. I am keeping a few nice toys and quite a few books and her dollhouse. It was like an archeological excavation cleaning out her double closet. Found a gym bag with leftover costume, makeup, and a granola bar from a play she was in in junior high.</p>
<p>My D’s room is cluttered, but I figure it is her room so if she is OK with it that’s fine. I keep the door closed when she is gone, and she will at least semi-clean it before she goes back to school, so I don’t worry about it. I guess I just don’t think it is that big a deal. She is basically clean and doesn’t clutter the rest of the house. It’s kind of a “pick-your-battles” thing.</p>
<p>Ah the memories. I remember my mother cleaning the bedroom I shared with my brother once when I was home for the summer from college (about 35 years ago). She did a great job especially with my underwear drawer…underwear…condoms…pipe…pot…all neatly arranged. So I went downstairs and said…I see you cleaned my room…thanks, mom. She just gave me a look.</p>
<p>My daughter also has a ton of stuff in her room, including dolls, china animals, hundreds of books, clothes on every surface, books, papers, makeup, at least three clocks, papers, more books, more papers, art supplies that haven’t been used in years, jewelry-making supplies that haven’t been used in years, etc. It is a huge mess. I mostly care because it all collects dust. She’s going away to college in September and has promised to declutter before then, but I’m not holding my breath. </p>
<p>I remember being very upset and angry when my own mother decluttered and organized my room as soon as I went away to college, so I’m not going to do that, at least not until she’s long out of college and living on her own.</p>
<p>This is not exclusive to women you know. Well, the make-up part is, but all those stuffed toys, beanie babies, medals, trophies, plaques, grammar books. Why my dear son even has a framed picture of the bedroom from Good Night Room above his bed! Of course he also has an incredible collection of video games and nerf guns too.</p>
<p>In any case, it is much, much easier to clean-up and toss when he is off at college. I highly recommend it. I removed a huge collection of stuffed toys he got from carnivals, but did he miss them? Nope. I consolidated all his papers from elementary/junior high, and hs. Then I asked him where he wanted it. He was fine if it ended up in the trash. I have to say, thank goodness I tossed what I did, when I did, b/c he came home and proceeded to stock pile again. This time, I’ll toss the day he goes back to college.</p>
<p>For the makeup, the goo gone stuff might work, or if you have rubbing alcohol, put a sparing amount on a paper towel or rag and gently rub (I would try it first in an inconspicuous spot, to make sure it doesn’t seem to be softening the finish). Another option might be to try the makeup remover towelettes they sell. You could also try making a paste of baking soda and water and gently rub with that to try and remove the makeup, it shouldn’t harm the surface and may work.</p>
<p>I use to pack stuff in a box and put it in the basement. If it wasn’t missed in a year, out it went. I never mentioned to my kids that the box existed. I don’t remember ever retrieving anything out of a box either.</p>
<p>Fauxmaven, so sorry my OP made you feel uncomfortable (and I really do mean that). I am not clear if it was because of the things my daughter hangs on to in her room or because I am actually cleaning it. I should clarify a few things. This has been an ongoing “discussion” with her regarding the need to get rid of some of these things. I have joked that she will come home from school one day and she won’t recognize the place (it will surely take me longer than a school day!) She laughs and says she will never part with any of it, but knowing her the way I do, I know that she actually welcomes someone doing it for her because she can’t bring herself to do it. Now if that is managing things, then I am guilty as charged! I don’t want to make it seem like a punishment by forcing her to do it. She is very sentimental and I think that is the reason that she is having trouble doing it herself. If she ever protested in our prior discussions, then of course I wouldn’t do it. But, sometimes the thought of doing something is the hinderance. The result is the reward. </p>
<p>Now, I think that I treat her very much like a 17 year old. She is off on a service trip 800 miles from home with a group of teenagers who aren’t allowed the use of their cel phones and I am ok with that. So yes, my feathers are a bit ruffled about that comment. I don’t want to walk in and demand that the room be cleaned. I have softly suggested for the past 6 months and like I said, knowing her the way I do, I recognize that doing this is difficult otherwise all of this stuff would have been disbursed of years ago. She is the type of kid who has names for all of her stuffed animals. She remembers when she got them, who gave them to her etc. She has said she just can’t put them in a box herself (like somehow they may know!) Hey, she’s 17 and I get that this is a transition period for her. But my intention was good and I thought it was far better doing it now then demanding it be done before heading off to college after next summer. Too many changes then.</p>
<p>Like I said, I understand how she feels. When my Mom died, I was tasked with the responsibility of cleaning out her house and for the most part it wasn’t a problem but I just couldn’t bring myself to go through her dresser drawers and closet. I may have kept alot of things and that just wasn’t reasonable. My sister in laws very kindly offered to do it for me, and they set aside several items that they thought I would like, things like old embroidered hankerchiefs, a beautiful silk nightgown, a pair of gloves (and even a pillbox hat!). It was such a relief and one of the greatest acts of kindness ever displayed to me.</p>
<p>And many thanks to all of you for the suggestions on how to remove the makeup stains. I didn’t have Goo Be Gone but did have “Goof off” and it worked like wonders! The dresser looks good as new, thank you so much. I knew the women of CC would know what to do!</p>
<p>My D (rising college junior) has the very same room as the OP’s daughter! We’ll be selling the house in a few years, so at some point the purge will have to happen. If I were the crafty type, I’d take a photo of every “treasure” and make one of those beautiful scrapbooks with some narrative about each item, maybe a bit of fluff from each stuffed critter, a lock of hair from each doll, etc. I think that would make the process much easier, with nothing truly “gone”. Unfortunately I’m in over my head with just a ruler and a gluestick…</p>
<p>We have solved the problem. My (younger) daughter’s stuffed animal collection (including a dozen Melissa and Doug huge ones) has their own bedroom…</p>
<p>If it is white paint, first test at an inconspicuous area and then use some of the water-based paint removers. Make sure the makeup has not ‘penetrated’ or ‘set’ or ‘bonded’ on the white paint in which case only refinishing would do. Maybe you can take a drawer out and take it to a refinishing place and ask what you can use (or if they can retouch the top)</p>
<p>Love geo113’s post. made me LOL.
My DS has no idea how many black bags have been filled and dumped. His room begins to smell and he does not take care of things and I do. I have no issues with taking care of business but am respectful and put important looking things in boxes on his closet shelves (He has a huge closet with many shelves). But no issue with tossing the 205 valentines cards from JH --of course setting aside his good friends cards. He will NEVER in this lifetime take the time to purge and has never once complained. I really think this comes down to knowing your own kid and your own kid knowing your limits.</p>