<p>We are closing in on moving in day for my son. Exactly how much time should we expect to help him set up, or are we delivering him, his stuff and then leaving? We have had several different opinions on what parents have done. We were planning on helping him set up somewhat, but when we went to orientation they made it sound like we (parents) were to become scarce. Maybe it makes a difference if you have a son or daughter. I just don’t know what to expect this is our first experience.</p>
<p>My parents went with me, helped me unload and get everything into my room and waited for me to unload my clothes so that they could take the duffel bags home with them and some of the boxes. Beyond that, they let me organize the room as I wanted. My dad helped me a bit with getting all of my computer stuff out, but I pretty much set up everything, and mom helped me put curtains up over my closet and get a fan going. Then, they took me out to dinner, came back, talked a bit about my plans to unpack, then left. We got there around noon, they left around 6. They’ll probably do the same this year, but we might spend a bit of time on grounds to walk around and let me show them everything (i transferred).<br>
So, I wouldn’t just go and drop him off with his stuff. But don’t set up everything for him and organize his room and stuff. Instead, find a happy medium. Put stuff where you can easily move around, but he won’t really know how to be settled in for a week or two and will probably rearrange stuff frequently to meet his needs. He will want your help to move everything in, but don’t feel bad if he doesn’t want you to help him make his room. If you feel necessary to do something, make his bed, but end it there, because that’s probably the last thing on his mind and he’ll probably stay out late meeting people and it’ll be nice for him to have a made bed to come back to. Take him out for one last dinner, maybe with his roommate and his parents, and then leave it at that. He’ll be wanting to explore/meet people, and it will be hard to let go, but it’s needed for both of you. So, I would say plan to leave around dinner time.</p>
<p>Your S is going to Delaware from your previous posts. You will be given a time to arrive based on what state you’re from. If time is an issue you can come whenever it works for you. There will be students, faculty and staff members waiting to unload your car and deliver the goods to his room. I know that they had some programs that afternoon for parents when we went. H went because unpacking a girl’s room was beyond his temperment. Later in the afternoon we left her and went to the store to get a few items. We got back at 5 to drop off the stuff . They have an awesome welcome night for freshman. She was heading to dinner with some kids on her floor so we said our goodbyes and left. We had a long drive so we stayed over that night. At her request we didn’t see her the next day. It was better for her and us that way, but everyone is different. I would make sure one of the guys in his room brings a good fan. It was sweltering on move-in day last year.</p>
<p>Who has time for any of that?</p>
<p>D has to repack all the stuff we will have put in the hotel room (30 miles from campus) for safekeeping, move in at a prespecified time (8 am), get everything to her room in the limited time we’re allowed to park nearby, go to the other side of campus to register, go to yet another place to take a swimming test, and attend two lengthy meetings (followed by a hopefully optional late-evening social event, since she will be dead on her feet at that point). Her drop-off day schedule doesn’t even allow time for dinner, so I guess she will be carrying around candy bars and water bottles in her backpack to keep from starving that day.</p>
<p>With a little bit of luck, she might be able to get a blanket on her bed by the time she collapses and set an alarm clock so that she will have a reasonable chance of getting to convocation next morning. My only contribution to this process will be to make sure that her alarm clock is in the “gotta have it right away” backpack, along with the bathing suit for the swim test and cash for junk food. (Unfortunately, I can’t even help her carry her boxes to her room because I broke my leg several months ago and still need to hold the rail to climb stairs; this is going to add a lot of stress to the “the clock is ticking and you have to have your car out of there in the next 15 minutes” stage of the move-in process.)</p>
<p>At this particular college, the modus operandi for orientation week seems to be “If you keep them constantly running in all directions in a state of utter confusion, they are less likely to have time to get drunk.” I wonder whether it works.</p>
<p>My daughter’s school sent her a specific time to arrive and then she has to get her ID, books, keys and stuff before the activities start. There’s a lunch for the students/parents, then a program after which parents march out the gate and students march in. There’s about 1 1/2 hours from the time we arrive till the lunch, during which she has to do the aforementioned things, so ZG handed me a list the other night, including a floorplan of her room, and told me exactly what she wants me to do while she is erranding and where everything should be placed. So at least I’m not conflicted about her wishes.</p>
<p>There is so much to do and it gets so busy with everyone moving in, I think it is best to help as much as possible. When we moved son in last year, all the parents were helping their kids set up their rooms and making trips to BBB to get stuff they needed. They need to get the computers up and running and get all the cabling for computer, TV, etc. all straightened out and organized so the wires are not hanging all over the place. Since there was 1 cable TV wire and they had 2 TV’s my husband had to run the cable up over the ceiling and then down and spliced in a longer cable. So, there are some bugs to work out. If you decide to loft the bed, then that is something your child would need help assembling. I wouldn’t just drop off and go.</p>
<p>As soon as orientation started we didn’t see son for 3 days and nights. We said goodbye and then he was on his own.</p>
<p>Just so you all know, they CAN manage moving in without parents if that is the way it works out. Three years ago, our D started her first year at Smith with a pre-orientation program. We had time only to move stuff into her room, period. We all then had to beat it to the pre-pre-orientation program where we were told what she would be doing for the next few days, after which the students were immediately whisked off to their respective buses, leaving parents time only for a quick hug (shades of nursery-school separation anxiety – for parents, that is, not for kids). We live close enough to Smith so we could have come back to help her organize her room and take her out shopping for unforeseen contingencies if necessary, but she called us after she got back from her backpacking trip to assure us she was doing fine without us. She had set up her computer herself, she had gotten her prescriptions set up at the local pharmacy, she had succeeded in getting money from the ATM of the local branch of her bank, she had started coordinating room decor with her room-mate, etc. etc. etc. </p>
<p>It’s possible the guys may need more help with making their beds and shopping for the niceties, but my guess is that they will do just fine, or do without.</p>
<p>It really didn’t take that much time for either of my Ds. At their dorms there wasn’t really that much to move in since one was in a double and the other in a triple (made out of a double room) so no furniture was involved. They also didn’t bring TVs or fridges (the college arranges for a rental one to be delivered to the room if desired - it was already there when we got there). It was just a matter bringing in boxes and suitcases of stuff and then moving the car out of the unloading zone as quickly as possible. Mom helped with unpacking somewhat (although D could have easily handled this) and I helped her and her roommates with the computer connections (this was more needed). </p>
<p>Some additional time might be spent running to the campus bookstore or nearby store for ethernet cables, etc. for the computer if needed. My D also had to go checkout a hub to be able to connect the computer. </p>
<p>Once the boxes/clothes are in the room, computer hooked up (internet access is of utmost importance to them), and TV setup if they bring one, that’s pretty much it. Once you’re standing in a triple with the 3 roommates and up to 6 parents plus some possible siblings, it becomes apparent that the room’s not the place to be. From that point, maybe do lunch depending on the time of day, do a quick look around campus if it hasn’t been done yet, and then probably say goodbye and leave. </p>
<p>The campus typically has a lot of ‘bonding’ activities for the new students in the evening so they need to be sans parents for that anyway.</p>
<p>We will be arriving via a big ole cab…and going out to lunch or dinner after, depending on the time…biggest job I have been assigned is hanging up close in the closet, so we can get the suitcases outta there, and maybe running, er cabbing it to target to get some storage stuff</p>
<p>I say go with the flow and have plans that are flexible</p>
<p>my H wanted to rent a car in NYC to shlep all the stuff, but don’t think we could afford one that held everything, and who wants to deal with parking and driving, so cabbing it is</p>
<p>My parents dropped everything on the floor of my room and left. Your kids got into college, I’m sure they are more than capable of settling on in their own once they get there. I know more about getting the internet set up than my parents, and trying to work with my mom to put away clothes and stuff is more hassle than it’s worth. We dropped all my stuff on my floor, we went to Walmart for a few last minute things, we argued about how much cash I should be left with, and they left. I spent the next 4 hours unpacking and getting to know my roommate. If you can’t stay long, they’ll be okay on their own.</p>
<p>Kid one had to drop stuff off before the camp-orientation. No time to linger, just drop it and run (sidelight - and then find out your car battery was dead, call a tow truck, find an bathroom for the 5 year old, find out the kids at the student center were great help, decide things will work out after all)
If that worked for us, you can do anything!
Reason to leave: Kid 2, moves in after athlete room-mate (never met before)… discover roomie has best bed, best dresser, best closet (in a double turned triple “best” is easy to define)and most of the walls covered… OK, it’s homey at least. Meet up with roomie’s parents (who have been there 3 days helping their D move in), who watch me sweep D’s valuables into a drawer while D meets with kids down the hall… roomie’s mom says “I would never presume to put things away for my daughter - does she always need you like this?” , then launches into other-language dialogue with husband. FOrtunatley I bit my tongue and the girls got along at least for the year.<br>
Sorry, that belongs in the "bad room-mates thread… but the idea is the same; drop it off and move along.</p>
<p>I’d recommend sticking around long enough to be sure everything needed to outfit the room is there. Unpacking suitcases and the like are student jobs for sure. But older dorms may have few (or poorly placed) electrical outlets and a ban on student-installed extension cords. “Hey, no one brought a refrigerator?”</p>
<p>For my incoming freshman this yr there will be the ‘to loft or not to loft’ issue - didn’t have that option for D1, in a forced triple no less. So H will be prepared to do that for her should she so desire…for me, personally, making up their bed so it’s close to as comfy as home helps ME at that particular moment. Stupid, I know, but it means a lot to me to know that I have made one little corner of their new world a little like home. H finds his little comfort in the wiring, and D’s and I share that little conspirational smile when he has finished and everything works and no fires have started or electrocutions occured. Hahaha.</p>
<p>It also depends on how close or far the stores are to buy extra stuff, and whether the kids have a convenient way to get to the stores.</p>
<p>My son was totally annoyed with me trying to help him “set up.” (I think he was stressed actually.) So, it might take less time than you think. Most of the parents seem to be sort of just standing around sweating.</p>
<p>Some schools have helpers to unload the car and bring things to the room. If that is the case for your school be sure EVERY box or bag has your room number on it.</p>
<p>Sometimes schools have a little ceremony or picnic with parents and kids, and you sort of leave after that. Just leave time in the day for a run to Target or wherever - there’s always some cable that they brought that is too short or the wrong thing or something. ;)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Check the college’s security rules first before trying to implement this plan. It may be against the rules for a guest (you) to be in the residence hall unless escorted by a resident (her). You may not be allowed to be in her room when she is not in the building.</p>
<p>One suggestion:</p>
<p>If you would <em>like</em> to make up the bed or some similar thing, ask before you leave if that will be OK. My S looked at me like I was nuts (well, OK) and said, “Sure, if you want too.” </p>
<p>There is a decent chance that, in the midst of the rush, the crush, the chaos, and the conflicting emotions, things could get tense over small things. (I don’t know why or how, but we were mercifully spared that occurrence!) So asking forbearance in advance can be a good idea.</p>
<p>Our experience with both D & S was pretty similar even though they’re wildly different in terms of personality, preferences, and communication styles.</p>
<p>I think they both really appreciated the help with setting up computers, cable tv, getting larger items into place (ie tv, fridge, microwave). I think it’s wise to hang around long enough to make sure everything works, that there’s adequate electrical plug ins, light bulbs, computer cords, etc.</p>
<p>I also made up both their beds right away to make the space seem less chaotic AND save them the hassle. The bedding seems to be so bulky and putting it away quickly seems to reduce the sense of being overwhelmed by all that “stuff” you’ve brought.</p>
<p>They were left with all the personalization, like posters, where to put personal items,etc. They do tend to be stressed (as are parents) and while it may sound good to review your move-in strategy in advance, the realities of actually being there and having to respond to what happens can’t always be predicted. I think our S expected it all to go much more smoothly and quickly than it did, for example. </p>
<p>In both cases, we had to run out and buy something necessary we either forgot or had to remedy something lacking in the room we hadn’t expected.</p>
<p>For our kids, being there to make sure they at least had the basics seemed to reduce some of their initial stress and made us feel good about helping.</p>
<p>Mostly, though, it’s actually fun to be part of all this!</p>
<p>I’m wondering about tips on hanging a mirror. We have an almost-full-length mirror to hang and the walls are the typical brick/cinder block. Is it possible to use enough of the sticky putty stuff to hold up a mirror? Is there a recommended type of putty to use? It’s not a heavy mirror, but not sure about how to hang it. Would probably like to try to hang it on the closet door. Advice? Thanks!</p>
<p>I think that mirror sounds too dangerous, but if you insist, how about those Command Adhesive things? I have a fairly heavy dry/erase board hanging with that stuff in my office, and it hasn’t fallen down yet.</p>