My D will be moving into school next week. The advice from this forum has been helpful in our planning. I want to hear your stories of what you planned (or hoped) it was going to when you dropped your child at college compared to what actually happened.
FYI: The plan is to move her stuff into her dorm and, at my D’s request, leave right away. Odds of anyone crying is low.
My daughter goes to Ohio State. She was an OWL (welcome leader/move in crew) last year (first year), so she got to move in early. I was incredibly stressed about the entire process having not gone away to college myself. As you can tell from my user name, I’m a bit on the high-strung side when it comes to these things (I have an anxiety disorder). I worried about all sorts of things from forgetting key items to not knowing where to go to breaking into tears over leaving my baby, but, as it turns out, nothing I worried about was relevant and we had problems I didn’t anticipate at all.
We followed the signs on the interstate to the appropriate exit, but we got stuck on the exit ramp. I’m not sure what happened. Maybe someone didn’t show up for work, but whoever was supposed to be directing traffic wasn’t there and we sat pinned on the exit ramp (too far onto the ramp to return to the interstate) for an hour before cops showed up and started releasing people from the exit ramp. Once that happened, it all moved like a well-oiled machine. There were color coded signs everywhere and cops or security at every intersection. We went through check in and got to her dorm and a team of OAs/RAs were standing ready. They unloaded our van in less than 5 minutes. We did nothing to help and were specifically instructed to just stand aside. Once we parked the now empty van, we headed up to her room, met the roommate & her parents, and started helping the girls unpack & assemble furniture. It was actually a really good time. The girls were excited and giggly, and both sets of parents were just trying to reign them in to get things in some semblance of order before we all left. Other students (and their RA) kept stopping by to introduce themselves. By the time we left, which was sooner than we’d anticipated, I was feeling really good about leaving my daughter there. I mean, I was sad, but I also had a sense that she would be ok, and I did not cry until I was back on the interstate on my way home with my empty car.
This year, she is an OA, so she moved in already. There was no move in team for her, but there was also no traffic! Leaving her this year was emotionally easier because I know how much she loves OSU, her dorm, and Columbus. It was like dropping her off at a second home. She’s super excited to help move in the OWLs this year and then, as an OWL herself, help move in the rest of her dorm building.
I honestly couldn’t have been more surprised at how well my daughter took to college. We live in a city of 50-60k people, and OSU is a school of 50-60k people tucked into the largest city in Ohio. I thought she’d be overwhelmed and homesick. Instead she slid into college like it was what she’d been waiting for her whole life.
Parent concept: Boxes sorted and packed. Leaving promptly, traffic hectic but manageable. A dozen trips and maybe a quick trip to walMart for forgotten items. Wittybanter as things are unpacked and settled. wisdom dispensed, grateful child hugs, friendly other parents and secure dorm. Drive away, have a relaxing meal on the way home.
Student concept: Magic and crickets. All my clothes are necessary except outerwear. Endure the parents but don’t encourage. Get desperate and weepy at the close. Unpack next week. Roommate is horrible. I should have gone somewhere else.
Reality: Nothing is really packed, and there is far, far, too much. Oversleep. Campus is a traffic dream but navigating the dorm is a nightmare. Your child goes cranky and monosyllabic. The elevator is broken. It rains, or is 90. One parent stays in the car and cries. Roommate is horrible. Parents tell too many stories. WalMart is a nightmare and you leave without a thing. Everything is weird and awkward and sad and exciting. No wisdom dispensed. Barest of hugs. But you slip in a “I love you” with all the worry and in a week or so, you are texting on occasion to say hi. More weepy moments. And a request for outerwear…
This is just kind of funny. My son checked in early, because he was doing a pre-orientation trip. My husband and son carried the stuff up three flights of stairs, while I mostly wiped everything down with Clorox wipes. They harassed me, a lot, said nobody else would do that, etc. Well, as we were walking out, another student was setting up his room. There was the mom, with her rubber gloves, scrubbing down his mattress. I “won” that one.
We were also worried that he would never wake up early to leave for his trip. They assured us someone would pound on the doors of students if necessary to get them, so we could sleep better that night. There was no drama.
The one thing that surprosed me about the move-in process was a couple hours after we left but were still in town at a museum before our flight, our son called us. I think he was a little stunned that we actually left – the reality of it sunk in. He said he would definitely be coming home for October break. I think even the most even-keeled kid can’t help but be a little rocked by the abruptness of the move to college, suddently surrounded by all these new people in this new place. Even if they have been to long summer camps, etc. it is still a big change.
Both of my kids had orientation the three days just prior to classes starting…and were allowed to move into their own dorm rooms for this.
First kid…boy…move in was very easy. We unloaded and got one of those big laundry carts. Moved everything to the room in two trips. I made the bed…and left. We didn’t see each other until the very end of orientation when we said goodbye…and left.
Kid two. Same thing, but no carts were available. Still…there were also not very many other students…so we parked right in front of the dorm entrance, and carried everything in. Then (because she was 3000 miles from home), did the BBB run and a trip to target. Because no one was really in the dorm that night, she stayed with me at my hotel. Orientation was two days, starting the following morning. Again…didn’t really see her except at certain meal times. After those two days, I went and spent the night with a friend who lived near the school. DD and I spoke on the phone just before I left her college state.
Honestly, it was exactly as we pictured it.
The first time I envisioned sticking around, helping son #1 unpack, helping clean up the room, helping hang it clothes. Reality…he wanted us gone, gone, gone ASAP. Reality for son #2 and son #3…schlep and dump all tlhe stuff in the middle of their rooms, hug them, tell them to call us if they needed us to stop and purchase anything and that we would be “back” to buy them dinner and then we headed back to the hotel and then out exploring the town. Dinner worked for son #2…son #3 called us and said to never mind about the dinner he had “other plans.”
After move-in and the wait for IDs, my daughter and I and her roommate and family went back to their dorm room. I watched as her roommate’s mother unpacked for her, putting all her clothes away. My daughter would have KILLED me if I had tried to do the same.
When I moved DD to school for freshman year 10 years ago, I had to rent an SUV because my tiny car would not hold all her stuff she just HAD to take with her. Car wasn’t available until 9:00, had to come home and load it, then drive 4 hours to her college. We missed the rush, but still had the welcome crew unload the car and carry it all to her room. My plan was to unload the boxes and huge suitcases that I was taking back with me so I could put them back in the car and make more space in her tiny room. She suddenly didn’t want my help at all, so I left and went to the business office to pay for the semester. There were meetings for the parents and for the students and a cook-out for everybody for a day or two. DD was so cranky the entire time that I was happy to leave and didn’t shed a single tear. And I’m a crybaby.
The first time I thought it would be similar to when we dropped them off at camp…I guess i forgot they are much different at 18 then they are at 11 
They need you at 11 but at 18 they don’t need you which is the way it should be I guess…just often a rude awakening and yes they get cranky if you try to insert yourself into their new world. I have a new appreciation for the colleges that simply tell parents to go home instead of planning all kinds of activities.
For S’s first move-in, I helped unpack, put everything away, etc. I had mom-visions of doing the same the remaining years because I love to do stuff like that. Never happened. Once I dragged the suitcases into the room, I was dismissed (well, after I bought lunch of course).
When we moved him to his first post-college apartment, H and S “let” me organize his room, bathroom and kitchen while they went to do the Sams Club run. I have to admit I was in heaven
Oh, and of course I cried freshman year move-in, but out of sight of both of them.
D had a convocation where they sat all the students in the middle and the parents on the outer ring, I was overcome with tears so H strategically positioned himself so if D looked over, he could give her a big wave and a smile and she couldn’t see me!
When we moved the boys in their first year, I made each of their beds, and under the comforter , on the bed, I left a note to them, from mom and dad. I think I also enclosed what we refer to as the “obligatory $20”, the $20 we always gave them upon departure when we visited them or they came home. Its was fun tradition and the notes to them were heartwarming to them.
We packed everything is boxes and plastic tubs, well labelled with their names and room numbers. The schools had great move in procedures with upperclassmen helping. We got the room generally unpacked, and then went to the store for the things we forgot or they needed. Each school had different procedures to separate the parents from the kids. One had a presentation for the parents after a luncheon for parents and students, the other had a convocation for the students and then parents lined the walkway as they exited. Each was good in their own way.
But do try leaving a note and a small gift somewhere. Meant a lot to us and to them.
Kid #1: State flagship, 40 minutes away from home. Everything purchased, sorted, boxed and sitting neatly in the livingroom a week before check-in. Day of check-in, the county decided that freshman move in day would be a marvelous day to begin a months long roads project, so the three miles from the beltway to campus was down to one lane in each direction. Traffic was backed uo to the beltway off-ramp. The university was not kidding when they said you need three people for move in - the student: to run inside and check in, the protector: to stand next to the student’s van-full of worldly belongings which are laying in a jumbled pile on the sidewalk in front of the 8 story dorm, and the driver: who, after helping to unload everything from the van, is directed to a giant parking lot a quarter of a mile away because there isn’t enough parking next to the freshman dorm cluster to allow anyone more than a 15 minute unloading window. There isn’t a giant rolling bin in sight, and every seven floor trip up the elevators takes an eternity. When we arrive, his rommate, a friend, has already moved his (apparently) two shopping bags of belongings in. (Five neatly hung shirts, three pairs of shoes, desk tidily arranged, bed neatly made…). It was 90 degrees, humid, and there was no AC. We make his bed, unload the boxes, and leave because kid can’t wait for us to get out. Two weekends later he asks us to pick up about half of the clothes he brought.
Kid #2: State flagship, five hour drive away from home. Everything purchased, but laying in a jumble in his room a few days before check-in. Day of check-in kid throws some clothes into garbage bags, we load the van, and drive five hours south, where the check-in process is equally hot and there are still no large rolling bins in sight, but the university’s attitude is a lot more relaxed. We make his bed, throw everying else on his side of the room, meet his roommate (who is lounging on a couch under his lofted bed when we arrive), and leave because we’ve got a five hour drive home. Did not bother with any sort of bed spread or comforter after realizing that his older brother’s comforter spent the first year balled up between his bed and the wall.
Kid #3 (daughter, leaves in 10 days): Small LAC two hours from home. Everything COLOR COORDINATED WITH FUTURE ROOMMATE, purchased two months ago, and includes vital necessities like a cute rug, a lamp that doesn’t look too “desky”, a 6’X6’ hippy-ish wall hanging, a Vera Bradley laptop bag, a backpack that has the right vibe and decorative string lights. We have survived the horror of the bed comforter being on back order and not arriving by move-in because it’ll be too hot to want to use it yet, anyway. As an athlete she moves in several weeks early, so we expect there will be parking, no rush to unload, and the dorm is too small to have any elevators. Stay tuned for updates…
Pack stuff that will be needed in one large and one carry on suitcase. Put other things in boxes to be shipped. Drive child to airport. Hug and kiss at security. Wait for arrival text.
Child 1 met some folks on the flight who were going the same place, those parents offered a ride to campus. Child 2 took a shuttle, tripped and dropped everything going up the steps to her dorm and was rescued by upperclass folk. Everyone survived.
During the 2 hour drive to the school I told my DS my expectations of the upcoming drop off and he informed me of his expectations. We compromised, came up with a key phrase (“Mom, you need to leave” 
). I knew once he said that, he’d had enough. While I was making his bed, I slipped a letter between the sheets/mattress with a note and some money. Told him to call home when he got the message. I was curious to see how long it would take him to change his sheets. Boy, I was not happy about that - he called home 3 weeks later to say thank you for the money.
One thing I gave him for his room was a small toolkit- about 25 pieces that included screwdrivers, sockets, measuring tape, hammer etc. he made fun of me but he ended up being a popular person as several people needed to borrow it during move in. I’d read (on CC, I think) that this was a good thing to have, it helped break the ice. It sure did work.
If you have too much time on your hands, here is an old but fun thread! http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/548296-when-will-he-start-to-pack.html
This is also a funny one!
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1211804-parent-faux-pas-at-move-in-p1.html
For our D, we helped unpack most of her things and get her room mostly set up (leaving final details for her to do later), as well as a run to Target for forgotten items. The rest of the day had specific programming for parents and students (some separate, some together). We just followed the program and said goodbye when it was done.
This fall, we plan on doing the same with our S.
Both S1 and D (in 2 weeks) have 3 days of student/parent activities. Thinking maybe this just prolongs the agony of everyone’s part. The student activities are also jam-packed each day–8 am to midnight. Wishing they allowed them more downtime.
Most memorable move-in part, S1–roomie’s mom showed up in a super short leather mini-skirt and high heels. WT? It was 90 and 90% humidity with no air. We’ll just say she didn’t help me build the futon