<p>I recently graduated from grad school and have accepted a job offer halfway across the country from where I grew up (Chicago -> DC area). I wouldn’t really be bothered by this, as I could fly home for holidays, things of that nature, but I have a more unique situation. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17 and I’m an only child, so it’s been me and my dad ever since. I went to school in-state, but just over 3 hours away, so we obviously have been a part on a regular basis for 5 years. I still call him every day and plan to continue doing so, as he’s not very social and I’m still daddy’s little girl :)</p>
<p>I’m just going through some anxiety unrelated to actual move, but related to how things are going to be in the coming years/decades. My dad doesn’t fly, so any trips to DC would be a 12+ hour drive alone. I suppose I’m just worried about him getting older and if he were to get sick, things like that. I initially was really afraid of my dad being okay with the move, but he obviously wants me to succeed career wise and I’m in a field that is based out of DC. He seems to be doing better with it than the rest of my family, actually. Do any of you guys have any advice on this type of situation, or words of wisdom?</p>
<p>Congratulations on your new job. DC is a great city for young people. You are going to enjoy it.</p>
<p>I just counted, there are close to 30 non stop flights from DC to Chicago for $230, and flights are under 2 hours. If you tag on 1 hour before the flight, that’s around 3 hours. The distance may be longer, but its is not going to take you any longer to get home. You will have long weekeends and vacation days to visit your dad and family. </p>
<p>I am sure your dad is a bit sad with you moving away, but I am sure he is very proud of you too. We raise our kids to be self supporting and independent some day. You have done good.</p>
<p>So happy for you too have a job and be willing to leave the hometown. It will be easy for you to return for holidays et al. Don’t worry about your dad, he sounds like he knows it is best for you to leave the nest. Do reconsider the daily phone calls, try to wean yourself to weekly ones, or only biweekly. You need to be moving forward without self imposed obligations. Your dad raised you to be independent- be so. This means not sharing your daily life with him. Let yourself be immersed in your work and new city, too busy to call. He may surprise you and be willing to visit via a flight someday. You’re being too far for a day’s drive and an easy flight may be an incentive. Or not. Things will work out. Never use needing to call your dad be a reason to not do things. He’ll understand and be happy you have a life outside of him.</p>
<p>As a dad of a daughter that went 1,500 miles away to school, I found it was a lot harder for her than me. Email, texting, skype all helps, so get him plugged in. For us, it was a lot cheaper( and faster of course) to fly.</p>
<p>As a father myself, I am sure your Dad understands that these next few years are “your time”, and that you have to do what is best for you. If his health declines, you can always move him to DC to watch over him.</p>
<p>As for “not flying”, what is the reason for that? Explain to him that you want to see him, and it would be a lot easier for him to come and see you, because you will be working.</p>
<p>@floridadad-- I’m not really sure why, other than he’s never had the opportunity (doesn’t believe in vacations away from home). Might be a fear, might be price, might be the pain in the butt quotient. </p>
<p>@wis75–It never stops me from doing anything, normally we just talk about sports or something like that. I have always had a great life…sorority, serious relationship, etc. I interned out in DC in UG and used calling him to get me through traffic on the Beltway :)</p>
<p>Have him join a neighborhood gym, he will make friends, socialize and get in shape.
How about have him volunteer at an animal shelter, library reading program for kids or a free clinic.
He needs a reason to get off the couch.
Invite him to come out and visit you at Thanksgiving, just the 2 of you.
Challenge him to fly to DC because he needs to expand his horizons.
He can’t be over 55, 60 at the most, so do’t put him in the nursing home yet.
You have to keep a stiff upper lip and have a happy face for everyone.</p>
<p>If he is anxious about flying, tell his to go to doc for prescription for Xanax. I have only ever taken it for one extra long flight and it was great!</p>
<p>I would suggest just taking the decision one year at a time. Like @floridadad55 mentioned, you can always move him closer to you if his health declines. In the meantime, move forward with your relocation, book some trips to visit him–letting him know the dates, and who knows in the future, maybe your career will relocate you closer to him. No decision is forever. I think it is wonderful that you check in with him frequently. You sound like a wonderful daughter!</p>
<p>Chicago to D.C. isn’t “that far”. California (or London) would be far. Plus, it is so easy to stay in touch these days, compared to when we were kids. You will both be fine. :)</p>
<p>I can empathize because one of my parents died when I was young. You have a special bond with your father. Distance will not stop that. You must move forward with your life: he knows that, and you do also. Who knows, in years to come, maybe he will move to be closer to you…unexpected things happen! Give it time, and it will be ok. And for what it’s worth, as the parent of 3 out of town adult children, I see no problem with daily phone calls. Continue that forever if you and he are comfortable. There’s nothing right- or wrong- with sharing more details of your day, providing of course, you don’t feel “obligated” to call. Each person decides what they are comfortable with. I would be sooo sad if I didn’t hear from my “kids” more often than once a week. Many days its just a quick text, some days I don’t hear anything, and that’s ok too…but keep those calls coming! and good luck with your new career!</p>
<p>Thank you to everyone for all of the suggestions/advice, I really appreciate it! </p>
<p>My dad is just a very quiet guy, but he does work in an office and holds leadership in his union, so I’m not so concerned about getting him off the couch. He has enough of a handful with the people at work!</p>
<p>@anxiousmom–I’m not really sure if he gets anxious…I know I definitely do! Looking into Xanax for future flights, especially if work takes me internationally</p>
<p>@peacefulmom–Thank you for the compliments!</p>
<p>I definitely don’t feel obligated to call every day, although I do just to keep in touch. We mainly chat about sports, what’s going on where I am or in our hometown, or if I’ve heard from work (I’m waiting on a contract to be awarded and thus a start date…and I lack patience). </p>
<p>My dad is definitely proud of me and brags about me all the time at work (or so they’ve told me), and he’s happy that I’ve found a career that has a lot of potential and makes me excited, even if it’s one he and I NEVER would’ve thought of when I went off to school!</p>
<p>My kid is going off to college in the United Kingdom. Would I prefer it if he were closer? Yes. </p>
<p>But your father will be getting a lot of satisfaction knowing that the sacrifices he has made for you have paid off, and in a way, will be living vicariously through your adventures and accomplishments.</p>
<p>Let me share with you a little story I once read. President Kennedy had just visited his father, who was by then in a wheel chair, unable to even talk, because of a stroke. His father had once been Ambassador to England, and a powerful man, and was instrumental in making his son President. Anyway, President Kennedy was in some fancy helicopter, which was about to take off. He looked out the window of the helicopter and saw his father in the wheelchair, on the front porch of his home, watching as the helicopter prepared to take off, and suddenly and unexpectedly ordered “stop the helicopter”. He then ran out of the helicopter, over to his father, and embraced his father. Then, he got back in the helicopter, and flew off to his next adventure. I am sure that meant a lot to his father. My point is that thanking your father for everything he has done for you will ease the pain of your being away.</p>
<p>I’ve taken Amtrak between DC and Chicago, and while it takes longer than driving, it definitely offers much more leg room than an airplane would. That could be an option for your dad.</p>