<p>We may need to relocate to a different state between my child’s freshman and sophomore years. First, assuming my daughter is generally well-adjusted, how bad could this potentially be for her from a social point of view? Secondly, does anyone have any advice regarding how to minimize the impact academically and with regard to EC’s when changing towns and high schools midstream?</p>
<p>i dont know how much help this will be but ill try anyways.
im a senior right now. i moved right after junior year ended. im not going to lie and say it was great all the time…it wasnt. it really sucked the first few weeks becuase you dont know anyone. seeing as ur daughter will be a sophomore it will most likley be easier then if she was moving at the time i did. it just takes time. and after a year here almost im having a blast.
as for the ec’s and academics. it all depends on the school u choose i think. mine has almost nothing compared to my old school. have ur daughter talk to a guidance counselor or the admin and find out what they offer and have her start thinking what she wants to join before the year starts.<br>
it could be the best thing thats happened to ur daughter. i know it was for me.
it also made me much closer to my friends back home in california.
hope that helps somewhat.
wish u all luck in the move. it will be tough at first but it will get better.</p>
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<li><p>Sophomore year is much better than junior year. My daughter was definitely affected by switching schools for 11th grade. But a boy one year behind her who made the same switch wound up as president of his class.</p></li>
<li><p>Obviously, identify the school early, and go to work on appropriate course selection. We probably didn’t do a good enough job of that, and let the school push us around a little.</p></li>
<li><p>If there’s anything special about her 9th grade curriculum that ought to make it into her GC report in 12th grade, try to get a letter from the old school explaining it. Also, if there’s a difference in the grading systems, a letter explaining that. If the new school uses 9th grade grades in its class rankings (and cares about class ranking), work on how her grades get translated to the new school’s system. (This is all stuff I screwed up. My daughter was one of three kids in her old school’s class that took a particular mix of hyper-challenging courses with an overload – by far the most challenging curriculum available at that school, and one they actively discouraged kids from pursuing because it was so tough to pull off. At the new school, they looked at it and said “No APs? No Honors courses?” By the time I figured out how bureaucratic the new school’s GC was going to be about it, it was not easy to get anyone at the old school to write anything for him, especially since my daughter was in direct competition with their students. And the new school completely screwed her on rank, initially placing her at the bottom of the second quintile of her class. By the time she graduated, she was in the top 10%, but lots of good that did her.)</p></li>
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<p>To their credit, once they got to know her, they worked very hard to acknowledge her, including manufacturing some leadership roles and giving her a bunch of prizes, and the principal personally ordered the GC to include some stuff in his report that he didn’t want to. She came out OK in the end. But there was struggle involved.</p>
<p>I don’t know what kind of school you are thinking of (or where you may move), but my sense is that it’s a lot easier to fit in quickly at a smaller, private school, where everyone expects to be friends. In a large public school, my daughter said she knew she wasn’t registering with kids as the new girl who might be interesting, they were looking at her like there’s another kid I’ve never met, must be a loser. That didn’t last long, but it was painful while it did. Meanwhile, a kid I know started as a sophomore at a local private school this year, and by October he was dating a very cute senior.</p>
<p>Some private schools also plan for a big influx of new kids in 10th grade.</p>
<p>I don’t think your D will have any trouble, but I do think she will pick up on your attitude a bit, so you might want to ‘accentuate the positive’. Many highschoolers daydream about the chance to have a new start. My D chose our move last summer (prior to senior year) to get her hair cut. A physical reminder to herself that she was “new” and could be anything she wanted to be.</p>
<p>Your D is changing early enough to not be too heavily penalized by school requirements. PE is a requirement for 9th graders in GA. Every year there are a few new seniors in the 9th grade PE class who transferred from states (like Florida) that don’t have that requirement. My D is taking GA history - the only senior in a class of juniors, and second year Spanish - also the oldest.</p>
<p>I assume you will be careful about researching new schools. Use every available resource - realtors, websites, etc, to know as much as possible going in. Make an appointment to tour the school, discuss course options (our HS has a course catalog), programs unique to that school such as honoros or gifted programs, ECs, etc. You might want to ask to meet with a advisor of a favorite EC or two.</p>
<p>By contacting the school at the end of this year, you will be sure to get ahold of any summer reading requirements, etc. If she is an EC that meets over the summer - like some sports programs or marching band, that will give her a headstart on meeting people. Also, you will have time to get bits of info you didn’t think to get in advance. In GA, they require immunizations on a specific form, so people have to take their records to the health department and get them transferred to the official form. Students have to have a disciplinary report, and a statement of attendance, among other things. If your old school doesn’t use these as a matter of routine, and your new school does, it gives you time to get them.</p>
<p>Make sure you keep contact info from the old school in an easy to access place. When it is time to apply to colleges, some will want an official transcript from every high school she attended. You will need to come up with names and fax numbers and addresses.</p>
<p>Binx, I never would have thought of some of the things you posted, like the special health form. Thank you. If we have to move, I hope we’ll know enough in advance that we can contact the school at the beginning of the summer.</p>
<p>It does sound like the private school option might be best and we’ll investigate it. But I doubt that would be financially feasible for us.</p>
<p>Here’s a question: if you could chose a brand new high school for your child, what qualities would it have that your current school lacks?</p>
<p>Since our town is in a financial crisis and just issued many layoff notices to teachers, I’d check your potential new town’s finances. Are they sound? Is there any reason to believe the school will have to cut back on programs in the next few years? This could be hard to find out depending what state you live in.</p>
<p>We moved between D1’s freshman and sophomore years, due to a job elimination/transfer that occurred due to the many bank mergers. While it came as a massive surprise to all of us, and if we’d had a choice I wouldn’t have done it, D1 has thrived. (it was a case of moving to NC for a known destination, or H entering the job market and most likely having to move somewhere else anyway).</p>
<p>I spent literally HOURS online doing massive school research. We were headed to NC in a massive urban school district, so I focused first on private schools. D was adamant that she did NOT want to go to a private school (didn’t see herself fitting into what she perceived as a preppy, “snobby” environment – can’t say whether that was a correct perception, but there it was). I focused on the top performing high schools, and looked at everything from graduation rates, % of kids going on to 4-year degrees, # and specifics of AP courses, % of kids in reduced lunch program, and all the state testing results for last few years. Googled high school and found news stories on academic-related EC’s, etc. Basically we picked the top 2 high schools, and then focused our home search based only on that. We’re pros at the corporate move-thing…having it done it 3 times before this last one…we flew down and toured the 2 high schools (D loved the look/feel of one—many similarities to her prev school; hated the look/feel of the other one). When we were making house decisions, which of the 2 high schools played heavily, as well as all the other common-sense choosing a house decisions. Found awesome house, put a bid on it, flew back home, and moved a couple of months later when school was finished.</p>
<p>The hardest part for D was leaving her very close-knit group of friends. Thank God for IM’ing… She wasn’t a very social person, and although I nagged her, she was fairly tentative about joining too many clubs, etc. The major advantage is that she threw herself entirely into her school work, and immediately connected with all her teachers. She found herself as the only female in her computer science class, and took AP Calculus, so she was the only sophomore in a class of some juniors and mostly seniors. </p>
<p>She slowly made friends, she had 2 close guy friends that year, excelled in school, and was home most weekend nights, so we were drawn very close as a family. We realized that she would have quite a few more AP options than her previous school, and the time she spent doing her school work resulted in easy A’s for her.</p>
<p>Fast forward to sr. year… She’s the class valedictorian, out of a class of 566 kids. She’s been dating her best friend (in several of her classes, including that otherwise all-male computer science class 3 yrs ago) for several months, and she was nominated to be on the prom court for tomorrow night’s prom. She had several college essays that talked about how she made the transition–and is in the running for a merit scholarship sponsored by a Relocation council in our city. </p>
<p>She’s going to be in the Honors program at UMD-College Park, and her best girlfriend from 6th to 9th grade (at old high school) made the decision to go to Georgetown…they are already talking regularly and planning to get together on weekends in D.C. </p>
<p>So, this long-winded entry is to say that it can be done, success can come from it, and between freshman and sophomore year is probably the best time, if it has to happen during high school. The keys are doing your homework ahead of time (including looking at financial issues of new area, have their been school bonds that weren’t approved, is the superintendent of schools and school board at odds, what kinds of problems have occurred and how have they been handled, etc.) I’m also very firmly convinced that the parents’ attitudes and how quickly you become involved in the activities and opportunities that the new area has to offer is a major way that kids take their cues on handling the move. Our 2 D’s were very much involved in the house-hunting process (altho we made it clear that there opinions mattered, their votes didn’t count quite as much as Mom and Dad’s). </p>
<p>Also a note–D2 was entering 8th grade when we moved—she had some issues, but she’s always been a more “social” creature and got involved in activities, etc. as soon as she started school in the fall. For the most part, she was intensely bored for 8th grade (unfortunately NCLB had caused the gifted program at the middle school to be cut). She compensated by getting very busy w/ school theater, and outside dance classes. She hit the ground running when she started high school.</p>
<p>Hope this helps. Feel free to PM me if you have any specific questions… Good luck. BTW–we promised both kids that we wouldn’t move again until both were done with high school, H and I love it here, so who knows how long we’ll stay after D2 graduates… ???</p>
<p>You never know! Our high school doesn’t even begin until 10th grade. Everyone is new for high school in 10th. We have two middle schools and about 250 kids in 9th grade at each school to total 500 students for 10th. We also get about 50 new to the district kids that come for 10th because our high school is so good. Each of our high school grades has about 550 kids total. The kids really mix together for high school. Your kid would be viewed as just another potential friend! I guess what I’m trying to say is that all the kids are new in 10th in my town. Maybe you’ll get lucky and find the same situation! Good luck.</p>
<p>Lots of good suggestions above. If you ‘might’ have to move in the next three years, jump in and do it now. It is much easier to get back on track as a sophmore than as a junior or senior. Some schools have a ‘Welcome’ event for new kids before school starts. Great idea, as the kids all recognize a familiar face, someone to talk to on the first day of school.</p>
<p>We moved our when youngest was between 8th and 9th grades, so that was certainly easier, but any time you move a teen you realize if the move “takes” socially it will be a good several years ahead, but if not things good go awry pretty badly. So good for you for thinking hard about it. </p>
<p>Our daughter’s closest h.s. friend was moved in at l0th grade. So from these two experiences, here’s the small amount of wisdom gleaned:</p>
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<li><p>A summer move is hard b/c they know they walk in to a large public school and know not a soul, whether to turn left or right. If you have any way to make a social contact prior to first-day-of-school, whether by asking new employers for families, or church (call the minister, ask for a good kid who attends that school, explain the situation and ask to be introduced). This is NOT to much to ask of a church to help someone adjust well. Then take the two kids out for ice cream. Just so your child knows ONE OR TWO reliable kids on first day of school; arrange a locker meeting. It will make a big difference.
Or call the school administration in August and ask for the president of their “Key Club” or do-gooder club of any kind to email your kid and meet personally during August.</p></li>
<li><p>My S had to go through several sets of friends in autumn before he found a
positive group. If you’re not happy with the first friends she calls “friends” don’t panic or get hysterical that the move is a disaster. Instead, calmly encourage her to keep looking and mingling longer. </p></li>
<li><p>Point out how you are also modeling the same adjustments, and for adults it takes a full year to settle in. Talk about it at dinner, who you met new, and how you handle all the newness as adults. It’s really a family project, so check in rather than putting her alone on the spot. Surely you, too, have a few fears and hopes. These are good to share over dinner in the new home.
Reporting your progress adjusting will open up more conversation than grilling her on her situation!</p></li>
<li><p>They do miss best friends from the previous community. It can be good to invite one in for October break or Thanksgiving to admire the new surroundings, if the distances apart aren’t ridiculous. A morale booster.</p></li>
<li><p>I did watch one kid pine for his old girlfriend from the previous community. He lived on the emails and it was a year before he’d talk to anyone else. So
if there’s anyone significant left behind in the old town, maybe it’s worth talking about those feelings. Can any parent suggest a break-up? Just as a practicality, it’s really a generous thing to do when someone has to move away and try anew. </p></li>
<li><p>Usually school administrators are away in July but back in late August, so if there are coursework questions certainly try to go over everything during the previous school year, if possible, for your own peace of mind. </p></li>
<li><p>If the new curriculum has unpleasant changes, try hard to think of creative solutions. For example, our S always wanted to study Spanish but that had already begun in Middle School. At first, he was told “No Spanish; only Latin or German.” But after a meeting in person with parent, GC and S, we unearthed new approaches. He could take a bus to middle school for last period to take Spanish 1. He could get private tutoring in the summer in Spanish 1, then enrol in Spanish 2 in the fall. The school had a list of tutors for us… Anyway, he chose #2 and got the language he wanted. Just don’t take the first “no” as definitive!</p></li>
<li><p>Teach your child that it’s okay to ask others for help in an appealing (not whiny) way. If she has a sense of humor, that’s a very useful tool, also.</p></li>
<li><p>It takes a YEAR to settle in, and yet people who haven’t moved ask within weeks, “are you all settled in yet?” It’s not only about the boxes. It’s finding your way aroudn the streets, getting a new pediatrician and dentist, and each conversation can feel like an audition for a year (I"m talking about the<br>
adults!). I felt … tired!..at the end of each day from all the effort. Take this into account and patient about yourself as an adult.</p></li>
<li><p>My eldest wrote a winning college essay about the moving process, understanding that the ability to recreate a community around himself, and watching his whole family do the same, equipped him to move on as a college freshman. That’s no reason to move! But, at least a realization that there’s tremendous learning that occurs. He had NO trouble moving in as a freshman b/c he already learned how to make new friends once before.</p></li>
<li><p>Find positive things to say about the new school and say them loudly to the new school administrators. Let them know you appreciate them. They’ll do much more for your kid if you identify yourself as someone who supports schools. Don’t harp on “what our old school used to do” because it’s irrelevant and irritates administrators. Make friends by stuffing your complaints whenever possible. Being new is not really fun, I found; it’s more wearying and confusing than anything else; but save all that for pillowtalk with your spouse. Tell people in the new town ANYTHING positive and then give it a year. That’s my recipe (and we’ve had to move cities 6 times since kids were born).</p></li>
<li><p>Consider joining something for your whole family’s spiritual needs. That could be a church/temple/mosque, a gym or indoor pool with a family package, rather than just letting the usual kid-scheduling (sports, music afterschools etc) be the only story on your calendar. I honestly think your kid will feel happier knowing there’s family time built in, and not just the same chase of EC’s for the kids. Pull together. If an EC waits for a year, it’ll still be there the following year, but you only have the first year to make your positive emotional transition as a family. Don’t be afraid of “down time” either.</p></li>
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