<p>In 4-ish months, I’ll be moving to a new town for grad school, which is pretty much a 180 (or at least a 120 ) from both my current college town and the city where I grew up. While I anticipate spending a good deal of time with my cohort, I’d like to get into the community outside of my department (which is pretty much a pre-requisite for dating, at least, as I’m a [straight] female, and my field’s 90%+ female). This is the first time I’ve actually moved somewhere totally new without the protective “guise” of being a kid/freshman college student, and if anyone has any “do’s” and “don’t’s” for transitioning into a new (young) adult community, I’d be all ears. </p>
<p>I do plan to join a church and a club sports team there, so hopefully that will help. I also won’t have gobs of free time (20 hour a week GAship + 13 graduate credit hours of classes + research obligations).</p>
<p>I’m sure your school will have grad school activities that are not just within your dept-explore the website. Looking at several sites I noticed grad depts often have a lot of info on the area for their incoming students.</p>
<p>You may find – as my son did – that there’s more support for new grad students than for undergrads.</p>
<p>Graduate students belong to their departments – which are usually of manageable size. People will know your name, and you will probably make some friends quickly. The graduate students within a department tend to help each other with practical things – everything from buying furniture to driving each other to the airport. Although the formal support structures of the undergraduate years are mostly gone, the informal support provided by students within a department more than make up for it.</p>
<p>A recently widowed woman once told me that the key to adjusting to any new life situation is to accept any invitation (obviously within reason ) at least once. She said she went to plays, lectures, breakfast (even if she had just eaten) whenever anyone asked. Her philosophy was that people might not ask a second time.</p>
<p>Now fortunately, your situation is a positive one, but the advice is still valid. You said you would join a church - that is such a great starting point. If you play an instrument or sing, churches always welcome new additions to their groups.</p>
<p>Joining a church will definitely help. When I was in a similar situation I also joined a gym and met a lot of great people including the man I’ve been married to for 25 years :)</p>
<p>And if you are someone who was “unchurched” growing up, don’t rule that suggestion out because it seems unfamiliar. Doing a "church search’ in a new area is a great way to learn about lots of interesting social justice activites, etc and it can be fascinating to learn what you don’t know about a range of faith traditions. (Of course it does require getting up before noon on Sunday for many traditions…but even there there are many exceptions, notably synagogues!) Especially if you are going into teaching, nursing or psychology/social work, you will be well served by this kind of multicultural exploration even if you don’t find dates early on…</p>
<p>MM, my D was already churched so it was no big deal but the Young Adults (18-30 or so) group at her church has their Mass at 5:30pm on Sundays…great for not having to drag out of bed on Sunday morning.</p>
<p>I like WNP’s philosophy of accepting every invitation once, wish I had done it.</p>
<p>Psych, not necessarily for dating, but since you’re in a 90-percent female field (wild guess…it’s Psychology…hey, how about that male intuition?!), find something you like that’s in male-dominated. A college-age bridge group might not be a bad idea if you have any affinity for cards. Or a campus Science Fiction group, ditto. Or D&D. Or Auto Repair. Or… I’m an ice floe…you get my drift.</p>
<p>another option is to volunteer within the Graduate School structure…like on committees, as a Grad mentor, for the Grad Student Gov’t,etc. these groups will reach beyond your cohort to the entire schools grad population ( at D’s University it includes reps from the Law School, Med School,Business School,etc) Her Grad Student Organization also has mixers during the semesters.While she doesnt do these anymore (she’s 6th year PhD and engaged) she did them originally…she moved to a city where she knew absolutely nobody…and her cohort is very small…
that said, some of them are now her best friends…and the social network expands outward from those few…to their friends, their partners,etc.</p>
<p>Since you asked for advice/tips: As you meet people from the church, even if they look geriatric or family-settled, still get to know them as whole individuals and present yourself similarly. Every now and then, at our place of worship we get nearby grad students who come to one service and seem to be sizing up the building looking directly for another datable young adult. They are disappointed and don’t return…</p>
<p>It doesn’t always work that way; life unfolds and is slower. If you can squeak out enough time to join one task force, choir, or demonstrate ongoing willingness/interest beyond just attending the service, that’s positive. You want to get to know/be known as a complete individual (as compared to those who look like they are on the hunt for datable others.) Those families and elders (with no young adult in sight at the church) often know someone from their family who is working in the community, professional, interesting, educated…who doesn’t come to church often. They might introduce you, even by blind date, but not on the first glance. It takes some return visits for other families to realize you are actually “in” and “interested” in this community. Give it time, accept a dinner invitation occasionally if it’s offered by some family without visible datables, and you might find yourself meeting interesting men not directly but via introductions by such families. </p>
<p>Also be sure to introduce yourself to the pastor and the top lay church elder (“president” “deacon” or however they are called). You might even say that your hope is to be part of the community on a regular basis, time permitting of course. Emphasize that so you don’t get tasked on something that’s a time-suck; you are a grad student! But you do care to become in some way part of this community for a few years. You can also make an office appointment with the pastor – and it’s in confidence – most importantly to simply say hello and introduce yourself beyond the post-sermon handshake. The pastor might, if asked, offer suggestions on local projects that bring in other people your age. They sometimes know interesting social justice projects or social networks outside the church building, but you only find out by asking. </p>
<p>You already sound delightful and I have a lot of confidence that someone who’d reach out with such a question here will find her way into a new community. Best wishes.</p>
<p>My husband’s sister moved to NYC from another area after college. She was a nature-lover living in Manhattan. She joined an area Sierra Club and went on their outings, where she met her eventual husband.</p>
<p>My college grad D loves all forms of dance and has participated in a university’s social dancing club, which was open to the community as well as to the campus. Surprisingly, the sex balance was more heavily male. (Apparently word got out in the grad school of engineering that social dancing was a good way to meet available women!)</p>
<p>I’d also consider going to whatever professional meetings are advertised as open to grad students. Sometimes you can get a reduction in costs or in for free and you will meet others in the field who are not in your program. </p>
<p>I was in grad school and had given up on finding anyone datable until I left school. I went to present the pilot of my dissertation at a state professional association meeting (a panel of women talking about women no less…and at 8 a.m.)–and that is where I met my husband of 25 years. And he is not an early morning person. (He admitted later he was at the meeting looking for interesting women to end his singledom.)</p>
<p>Anyway, even if you don’t find romance, those meetings of various kinds are often good networking sites for future work as well. Just be open-minded and surprising things come your way.</p>
) from both my current college town and the city where I grew up. While I anticipate spending a good deal of time with my cohort, I’d like to get into the community outside of my department (which is pretty much a pre-requisite for dating, at least, as I’m a [straight] female, and my field’s 90%+ female). This is the first time I’ve actually moved somewhere totally new without the protective “guise” of being a kid/freshman college student, and if anyone has any “do’s” and “don’t’s” for transitioning into a new (young) adult community, I’d be all ears. </p>
) at least once. She said she went to plays, lectures, breakfast (even if she had just eaten) whenever anyone asked. Her philosophy was that people might not ask a second time.</p>