Just a quick reminder - being a good actor and being incredibly intelligent usually go hand-in-hand. The best actors I know are also some of the smartest people.
@MTVT2015 - I know I’m going to open a can of worms here, but if your father is set on the idea of you going to an ivy - or similar - perhaps you can make the argument for saving that for the MFA. That’s what we told all three of our sons. We knew that undergrad could have an unexpected outcome for MANY different reasons - hate the school, hate the major, get homesick, party too much, “forget” to go to class, forget to eat and go to sleep, too many video games, have a major break-up with girlfriend, a health crisis, a financial crisis, can’t make up your mind what the meaning of life is, run away to be in a rock band/circus, decide to join somebody’s revolution, get a “dream job” before you graduate, etc. We told our sons to use that time to explore, make mistakes, figure out who you are and what REALLY floats your boat. And do it as cheaply as possible. We figured no matter how undergrad turned out, whether they found a way to do it for free, earned most of the money themselves, or racked up the max in gov’t student loan debt - they would have learned some tremendous life lessons, and hopefully have gotten a useful education at a relatively low cost. (and yes, we have helped all three of our kids financially in one way or another, just not with major parental loans or raiding the retirement piggy bank.) Even if student loans are involved, a college graduate has a decent chance at recovering from $25,000 in debt no matter what major they end up with (or even if there is NO degree). These days for MANY fields, a bachelors degree is only the beginning of the career path. Save the big guns for graduate school, when you’re more likely to know what you really want and have the wherewithal to make it happen. If you feel the need, get your MBA, MFA, MS, MD, PhD or whatever from the Harvards, Stanfords, Johns Hopkins, Julliards of the world. If you’ve “proven” yourself in your undergrad, have participated in original research, written a musical, launched a successful rock band, invented a 3-D printer that prints french fries, or built your own dance wear empire, the ivies will probably pay you to come to their schools. And then you can tell everyone you went to “fill-in-the-blank” and be connected to that network. Many people in the theater business have said that the name of their alma mater only mattered for the first year or so after they graduated. After that, it’s YOUR name and reputation that matters, and the network that YOU create will be your safety net. I’ll probably screw up the stats, but I think I read somewhere that of the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies, a hefty majority went to state universities and community colleges. Big name privates do not have a lock on producing smart, creative, hard-working graduates.
I know there are kids out there who have tremendous brains, talent and work ethic. They are the ones who maybe knew they wanted to be doctors, fighter pilots, corporate lawyers, rocket scientists, teachers. . . since the day the were born and did everything necessary at every step along the way to attain that goal. Perhaps they even know what schools they want to attend. The investment of the family’s fortune in that student’s college education can seem like a “sure bet”. But there are SO many students who aren’t sure, or who want to try EVERYTHING, or need to grow up some more. I’m sure there are many families who can afford to pay large amounts of money for their kids to explore for as long as it takes. Our family is not among those. We believe strongly in education and are willing to pay for it - up to a point. Everyone has the right “to the PURSUIT of happiness/passion/education/life’s work”, but we’d rather help pay for that when our kids know what they’re doing, and can prove they are willing/able to work hard at that “pursuit”. Until then, we will assist with food, shelter, medical expenses, reasonable clothing and footwear, free “stupid” phone (kids gotta pay for smart ones), and occasional handouts for books, tuition, art supplies, sheet music, tap shoes, workshop fees. . . When they get into Harvard/Yale/Warren Wilson Writer’s Program/Julliard/etc. for MFA/M_ _, we’ll know they’re serious and ready to get down to the work.
^ Like, Like, Like, Like! 
Thanks @entertainersmom. I guess it’s pretty obvious where I stand on the issue, eh? Sometimes I get carried away. . .
That was a fantastic post, @mom4bwayboy ! I will definitely share it with my dad. As it so happens, I know there are theatre management programs at Columbia and Yale that I might be interested in. I think if I go for the liberal arts school I would want an MFA but since it’s so much more expensive, that would be doubly impractical. We are going to discuss it soon…hopefully that and visiting will help me come to a decision.
@MTVT2015, do some digging about MFA programs; there are quite a few that support their students with stipend-bearing assistantships. Although he plans to work for awhile before deciding, my son plans to do an MFA at some point and is gearing his tentative list toward schools that provide funding. My impression is that most people actually do work for several years before deciding on grad school; some of my daughter’s theater BA classmates went back after 5-6 years, whether for acting, directing, playwriting, or tech. Obviously this is just one of many things you have to consider, and I look forward to hearing about your decision, whichever path you take next.
I went to a VERY mid-level MFA Program. I was on a full tuition remission and received a stipend of about 9,000/year. I also finished earning enough points to join AEA (Which I didn’t do at the time). My program prepped me as a teacher and an actor, which I appreciated. They also let me do a few musicals while there (this was before MFAs in MT started popping up).
I think an MFA is a good choice for a character actor who has to grow into their type OR someone in a career rut OR someone at the end of their performing career who wants to transition.
I do, however, think paying for a Graduate School NOT named Yale or Brown is questionable.
Do you mean grad school for ANY major? If so, I don’t agree. I have a daughter in Architecture and we paid for grad school at MIT and Berkeley and she got into many others like Columbia, Stanford, Cornell, RISD, UVA, and others. I would have paid for her to have attended any of them (she also got some scholarships, but certainly not full rides) or any school for that matter (top program or not).
If you mean paying for an MFA in Theater, I still don’t agree that it is only worth paying for Yale or Brown. Even if you were to stick with the tippy top programs, there are more than those two…such as Harvard/A.R.T., NYU/Tisch, A.C.T., UCSD, and others. Further, there are many other MFA programs worthy of tuition, in my view. By the way, even some who already have a BFA in MT/Acting, still go onto MFA programs. My D has several peers from her BFA program at Tisch who have gone onto MFAs at Yale, UCSD, etc.
@TheaterHiringCo, that’s an interesting comment. My son is only a college sophomore but has always thought he’d eventually get an MFA–and he is in fact a character actor (also interested in classical acting) who believes he has a long way to go before he reaches his “ceiling”–or, as you put it, he “has to grow into his type.” He’s also really interested in teaching (at the college level) in the long run. It seems that there are plenty of grad schools other than Yale & Brown that do provide both teaching experience and AEA points as well as stipends that would make it survivable, and we have also tried to make sure he’ll be debt-free after his BFA so that he’s not trying to pay off loans if/when grad school rolls around. And who knows what’ll happen; I’m glad he’s researching and asking questions now, but it’ll probably be quite awhile before he takes that next step.
clair74: Your husband sounds like me. I wanted my D to go into engineering. She was always great at math and science, had a great GPA and test scores, etc. But had no passion for those subjects. I fought it for a while. Then I came across this link to the SUNY Fredonia Theater Department:
http://www.fredonia.edu/department/theatredance/jobs.asp
This column changed my attitude. I highly suggest you and your husband read this. It describes the work skills that are developed by those obtaining a performing arts education. Things like being able to think creatively, etc. It talks about how employers value those skills, and how they like to hire people with a performing background.
When my D was going through auditions two years ago, and had gotten a couple rejections, I remember saying to her that she would do theater the rest of her life, but that she just didn;t know yet whether she’d be doing it for a living or as a hobby. Now she is about halfway done with her BFA MT program. And I still don’t know for sure how she’ll make a living, whether theater will be a true living or a hobby. I know she will take her shot, and I think she will make it in the theater world. But if not I can tell you the two years she has spent in her BFA program have already provided her with the ability to be successful in whatever the future may hold for her. She has developed as a performer, as a student, and as an individual, and in two years she’ll be ready to take on the world.
So many people go through life never feeling passion about what they do. Don’t let your son be one of those. Let him follow his passion. He will in the end have a college degree, he will have skills that are marketable not only in performing but many other venues, and he will figure it all out along the way.
Great post @jeffandann!!
An educated mind and a college degree won’t go to waste!
Thank you, everyone. Your responses have given our family lots to think about! I’m coming to the conclusion that the ultimate decision is solely my sons and we’ll support whatever path he decides on. My job now is to make sure he knows all his options and is aware of financial consequences. My bigger job is to help my husband see that there is light at the end of the MT tunnel!
I’ve thought a lot about MFA programs recently, and being a character actor I’m thinking I would like one at this point. That would also make sense if I were to go to a broader liberal arts school and then get a more performanc-specific masters. Unfortunately, that undergrad degree is pretty pricey and I worry about being able to afford grad school. But if I went to the less expensive conservatory BFA program, would it be harder for me to get into grad schools? Gah.
Friend’s daughter went to an unremarkable state school for her BA and is currently in her first year of YALE MFA with full tuition paid. Don’t think it matters where you went to undergrad.
@MTVT2015 : My D’s friends from her BFA program (Tisch) have gone onto Yale’s MFA. So, yes, you can go from a BFA to an MFA program like Yale, not just after a BA degree.
It’s really easy to figure this one out. Most MFA programs have a showcase page that includes bios for the students; you can look through them and see what their undergrad preparation included. I have noticed that some programs tend to have more BFAs, others more BAs, but both are always represented.
@soozievt - I don’t mean any major other than theatre. I have no authority to speak on those, so I have no idea.
I would add Harvard/ART to that list, but we can agree to disagree on the rest. An exception MIGHT be made if you can pay out of pocket OR you don’t have undergrad loan debt, I suppose.
It is really hard to make it as an actor, though, once you get into the 50K+ debt scenario.
A few things to add:
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I had my BFA (in MT) before getting my MFA (in Acting). My grad class had me, a Pepperdine grad, a Bowling Green grad, a two year NYC conservatory, and two actors in their late 50s (no idea where they went). Getting your MFA is a different ballgame altogether.
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The Acting/Directing Professor market is SATURATED with overqualified people, it is a terrible fallback plan.
@TheaterHiringCo, I agree that someone going into acting should not take on $50,000 in debt. There are many students, however, whose parents pay for their education (and may take out loans themselves). I would not want my kids saddled with that kind of loan, agreed. Just saying that in some families, the parents foot the bill and/or take out loans, not the kids. That’s the case in my family. And in that case, at least for ME, I don’t care the name of the college or grad school when footing the bill and feeling it is worth it.
And we’ll have to agree to disagree that I think NYU/Tisch, A.C.T. and UCSD are well regarded MFA programs for actors. My kid isn’t going for an MFA and so it isn’t personal.
Agree with Soozievt on this one. Also: I’ve glanced back through this thread and can’t see where anyone mentioned college teaching as a “fallback plan.” Certainly up to you, though, @TheaterHiringCo to view it as a “terrible” goal for yourself or your own offspring. Teaching at any level (and in any field) is a calling, not a fallback plan; lord knows, none of us does it for the money.
Wait - @times3 - don’t you spend your afternoons rolling around in your $$? That’s what most of the teachers in my district do… 
I myself try to keep it more refined - maybe a tasteful fan.
In all seriousness - I understand that there are lots of people and not so many jobs in academia. But- I do think that having as many skills and/or options as humanly possible is one way to combat the uncertainty of a life in the arts. JMHO