I’m with @twinsmama. Being "a parent “first” is about doing what’s best for your child even if those decisions cause you pain. I’ve posted loads about how sad that empty room at the end of the hall has made me and how much I think I’ve missed, but my child has missed nothing. He graduated from BS on Sunday and thanked us several times for the amazing opportunity we gave him. He knew it was hard on me and that made the gift of BS even more special to him.
We all need to let go at some point. I agree that 14 is early to leave home, but some kids want it and are ready for it. If they are, BS will transform them like nothing else can. The experience of living away from home and learning to navigate their world and advocate for themselves without needing to rely on mom or dad prepares them so extremely well for college and beyond. I can still enumerate what I’ve missed in allowing our son to leave, but that list pales next to the list of what he’s gained. Eventually, I learned to let that list go in the face of the independent, thoughtful, mature, happy young man and scholar he continued to present to me. I can tell you there was nothing like watching him accept his diploma to put closure on any misgivings.
As many of us repeat here, it’s not about us, it’s about them. If your daughter is expressing regrets, you should listen to her. But if counseling is necessary to reach a “compromise,” the counseling might be most effective if it helps you deal with the difficulty of letting her go than in helping her come to terms with your changed decision.