@egstarr I know it’s hard to have a sense of what your daughter’s experience might be at boarding school. You might be surprised by a few things. I think it’s much easier to be involved in all sorts of different activities at boarding school than at home. My daughter has spent her time in ways that she never would have dreamed of in BS, and it’s safe to say that this would not have happened if she had come home after school every day instead of spending 24/7 with fun and interesting peers and teachers. There’s never any need to consider logistics - it’s very easy to be involved in everything. Most BS kids have the problem of overextending themselves because there are too many things that seem fun! And my daughter is a kid who puts her studies first, like yours.
You’re not wrong for wanting to see your kid every day in HS, and be there for everything. It kills me that I don’t have that! But this isn’t about you - it’s about your daughter. I agree with others that if you were not going to let her go because you didn’t want her to be away from you, then you needed to have said that from the start and not let her get this far; saying “no” now is not fair to her and it is likely to result in irreparable damage to your relationship long term.
Parents who let their kids follow their own dreams are some of the best parents out there!