<p>My 13-year-old S is applying to four independent HS, and the admissions process is hard on all of us. He finds it excruciatingly painful to write essays on the kind of topics they ask for (if he were asked to write on why the minimum wage should be raised or whether the electoral college should be abolished he’d come up with a well-researched and well-argued essay and enjoy it). I’m finding that some of the good qualities that we’ve tried to instill in him are causing problems now. For example, he’s been taught not to brag or feel proud of the attributes, like a very good mind, that he gained by serendipity rather than by effort. He’s taken that to heart a little too much; he finds it hard to answer questions like, “What are your strengths?” - he says that whatever he writes will either sound stupid or be bragging. </p>
<p>The reason I’m posting here is to ask for advice on one issue that is critical at the moment. My son’s part of the application to one of the 4 schools is due tomorrow. We have gone from having time to mail it in plenty of time, to my having to drop it at the post office last night to make sure it was delivered tomorrow, to Plan C. I was so frustrated with my S last night, as he was unable to complete this application, that I told him that we’d just have to not complete the application for this particular school. I’d run out of energy. He then asked whether we could take it over there tomorrow, and pointed out that the school was only 10 minutes away while the post office is 5 minutes away. I agreed, but he is going to have to finish it tonight. </p>
<p>The issue is the following question on the application: “What sparked your interest in XXXX School?” The truth is that of the four schools on the list, it was originally my last choice. It is less academically selective than the others and has a higher proportion of rich, preppy kids. (An advantage is that it is very close.) But I did see in the local paper last year that the school has a science team that has done extremely well internationally. I recently printed out something about it and gave it to my S to read, and he was very excited about it. So when he said that he didn’t know how to answer the question, I mentioned this team. He said that he couldn’t put that down because he hadn’t known about it before applying. I replied that he did know about it before we actually submitted (my part of) the application. He said that it didn’t influence his decision to apply because he’d sent his ISEE scores before reading about the team. He feels that it would be dishonest to put down the team as a reason for his interest! I pointed out that the question didn’t ask about when his interest was sparked, but he feels that it is asking about the reason for the original decision to apply.</p>
<p>This is just one of many issues that are cropping up. He is not using it as an excuse not to complete the application; we’ve visited the school and he loved it - besides, I gave him the option of not finishing the application. He insisted that he wants to apply and came up with Plan C (our driving over there tomorrow). Any ideas on how to persuade him that it would be morally acceptable to answer the question with a reference to the team?</p>
<p>I’m new here, but having been through this with two boys, I can relate to what you’re going through so I’m making my first post.</p>
<p>If the question is “what sparked your interest in our school?” then I would suggest that he can answer honestly by saying something to the effect of “Since I live close by it seemed natural to apply, but my interest in your school has grown as I have visited and learned more and more about it. What has really made me like X School is what I’ve recently learned about your science team…” and finesse it that way in language that feels natural to him. Lots of (initially) last choice colleges and schools wind up being the favorite after all the research and visits are completed. While I would never say “You were my last choice school until…” it’s perfectly OK to say “I was really pleased to learn about all the great things you have to offer…”</p>
<p>He has to understand that the school doesn’t care WHEN he became enthusiastic about attending, only that he is NOW an enthusiastic applicant, and it’s imperative that he convey that to them in order for them to want to admit him. These schools want to be wanted! Furthermore, keep in mind that these schools know what 8th graders are like. </p>
<p>Was there a parent portion to the questionnaire? I imagine that you would have already completed that by now, if so, but you might find some words to include that could address your son’s and your increasing interest in the school to the point where you are now most enthusiastic applicants. In a very real sense, private schools are admitting parents as well as students, so they will be keying in to your attitudes as well (that is, if they have offered a parent component to the application).</p>
<p>Good luck! I’ve been through this with boys in 8th grade and then again for college with boys in 12th grade, and it is a challenge all the way!</p>
<p>NEMomof3, Thank you so much for coming out of lurkdom to offer such great advice! I think that the approach you outlined would be acceptable to him. He is scrupulous about honesty. </p>
<p>The parent portion of the application did not have any questions of this type. But I have to call to schedule a full-day visit, and I will manage to convey enthusiasm.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth back in the day when I was an 8th grader I went to an interview at the prep school my parents picked out for me. They interviewed me without my parents in the room. When asked why I wanted to attend, I told them that while I was sure it was a very nice school, I would really rather graduate from my jr. high in 9th grade and then go to a private high school. They accepted me anyway. I think they found my honesty refreshing!</p>
<p>NEMomof3, I presented your approach to my S and he was obviously relieved. He immediately finished his part of the application and we dropped it off this morning. Thanks for your help!</p>
<p>mathmom, I hope that the admissions officers find my son “refreshing!” He is definitely not the standard applicant saying and doing all the right things.</p>
<p>Good luck to your S, NYMom…he sounds like an extraordinary young man, and any (and all) of those schools will be lucky to admit him.</p>
<p>Our then-4-year-old S told each of his NYC gifted kindergarten admissions officers that he didn’t want to go to their schools. Three out of four admitted him anyway. Kids–gotta love 'em. I trust his interview skills have improved.</p>
<p>(BTW, kudos to you for starting on CC in middle school. I’d have been a lot smarter about this process if I had. Even crazier, but smarter.)</p>