My best friend doesn't make time for me anymore; thoughts?

College Life
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<p>My friend was basically my best friend in high school, we talked about everything and had such a great connection. When we got to college, however, I thought we were going to remain friends, and I still hold true to this intention, but I’m not sure he feels the same way, even though he says he does.</p>

<p>We never see each other here, even though we live on the same campus. He’s involved in certain clubs and I’m involved in different ones, however some of the clubs he’s in I wouldn’t mind joining.
My problem is, I feel like I am putting out more effort, and I actually want to hang out with him, whereas he only hangs out when he has a free moment, or when we bump into each other.</p>

<p>Now I have actually spoken to him about this; about how we never see each other and when we do talk its when we randomly bump into each other on campus. To me, being best friends, we should make time to see each other. I don’t care if its having a quick lunch one day at the college cafeteria, I am willing to try and set time apart to devote to him.
He tells me however, that his concept is “I’ll see you when I see you”, but to be honest that just sounds like an excuse. We won’t see each other, because we’re involved in different clubs, have different friends, and have different classes. So if going by that statement of his, we’ll definitely drift apart. I feel used. More like a convenience hang-out then a priority hang-out. I feel as if the only way to see him is to mold myself into all of HIS everyday plans.</p>

<p>I always see him spending time with the new friends he made, and while I made new friends too, I feel like I text him a lot more often to hang out. He thinks that he is making an effort but the only effort he makes is to invite me to events he was going to go to anyway. </p>

<p>He said he doesn’t think its fair that I can be upset when I know he tries to keep busy with things (clubs), but that just makes me think that I’m not even important enough to make time for. </p>

<p>I think the major tension is that we made our own groups of friends, and we both feel like we don’t hang out with one another as much. We have our own separate interests. It’s so hard to talk to him about this subject now. I want to sound sure of myself in telling him all this, but then he thinks I sound confrontational, and I feel that only pushes him away. </p>

<p>Sorry for the huge story. Any thoughts? Perhaps maybe I am the wrong one. I don’t know.</p>

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<p>This is a very natural transition and it’s called drifting apart.It can be sad but the reality is that people are constantly evolving and so are their relationships.As time goes on some people just become less and less relevant until eventually completely irrelevant.Allow the relationship to die a natural death.Friendships require effort from both sides,and that’s not happening so it’s probably time for you to accept that things are just different,you have both changed and it might be time to go your separate ways.</p>

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<p>I’ve been there. Don’t waste your time on him and just move on.</p>

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<p>“I am willing to try and set time apart to devote to him.”</p>

<p>This comment is too gay for me to take seriously.</p>

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<p>@cabhax, umm, based on the op’s username i think the op is a girl.</p>

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<p>^ What’s your point?</p>

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<p>^lol you got served</p>

<p>yeah, like some other nib above me said, it’s called drifting apart. college is a new school. my best friends in elementary school weren’t the same in middle school, and then weren’t the same in high school. make new friends, broaden your social network, and aggressively climb your way to the top of the food chain, which is what he’s probably too busy doing. don’t get too down. at least you guys are on the same campus. have you thought about the thousands of other best friend couples that are forced to split thousands of miles when they move on from high school? don’t worry joey, there will always be another dawson.</p>

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<p>lol wow cabhax, I was pretty unhappy about this yesterday so excuse my profuse gushiness of words. Thanks for all the other responders. @rymd In a way I kind of wish we didn’t go to the same school, because the fact that we go to the same school and we don’t see each other is a little bit more insulting. At least if we were miles and miles apart that would be the problem. I feel like he would value this thing a little more too. It’s just sad because we were such good friends but like you all said I guess this is natural. </p>

<p>He always says its not that he doesn’t want to hang out but I’m the type of person who you should just be honest with and say that you don’t want to hang out with me anymore, so I don’t keep thinking of the next chance we’ll see each other. </p>

<p>And @rymd that’s happened to me too, the thing about finding a new best friend after changing schools. I always hear about people have best friends for 20+ years. Is that the minority?</p>

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<p>He may be blowing you off. Male/female best friend relationships are the most difficult. All sorts of complications arise that don’t arise in same-sex friendships, even if there is zero attraction between the two. Sometimes friends drift apart, sometimes they reconcile. I don’t suggest that you <em>force</em> anything, but it’s okay to make an ultimatum and say something like “if you don’t want to be close friends anymore and just stay acquaintances, let me know now, don’t lead me along in false hope that we can go back to hanging out a lot again.” But I wouldn’t say something like “I demand you spend one-on-one time with me at least once a week.” Sometimes friends drift apart and it’s not a mutual thing, one of the pair still wants to stay good friends and the other has decided they want to move on, for whatever reason (it might be a stupid selfish reason, it might be a good reason).</p>

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<p>It’s also okay to just give your friend space for a while, see what happens. College is a time when you are meeting so many new people constantly. It might be the end of your friendship and that is sad, but you will meet other people and life will go on. Or you might reconnect with your friend later on. We all go through times when we need space, and this could just be one of those times for him. Focus on making some other friends and check in with him occasionally.</p>

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<p>@TomServo, yeah I get what you’re saying about the male/female friendships. We’ve never really had a problem with the gender thing haha especially cause he’s gay. I know what you mean about not forcing anything.</p>

<p>@RoxSox, you made a good point about giving him space and how college is a time of meeting people constantly. I was a bit like that in the beginning of the year as well. It’s funny just because we will rarely hang out in college, but when we go home to our hometowns, we have time to hang out. </p>

<p>Thanks for everyone’s advice. I really appreciate it.</p>

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<p>I was in a pretty similar position, except I was the guy (not gay). My friend and I both ended up going to the same college and within the first week I could already tell that our friendship was becoming less and less important. The only times we did hang out, anything that came out of her mouth was very passive aggressive and an attempt to start something. I was guilty of the same thing now that I look back on it. In the end, our friendship just died out. Yes, it sucks, but thats the way it goes…</p>

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<p>My best friend has been in town for a week and contacts me a day before he heads back home (another state) to hang out … Ticks me off a bit. Wonder if I should should hang out or just not hang out and explain why at a later time?</p>