My best friend recently moved out of the apartment she and I were sharing with 2 other girls, because I told her that I was uncomfortable with her boyfriend (who was living with us rent free in the living room on a futon with her) sleeping in our room every night. One night they had slept in here without asking me, and the next day I told her that it made me uncomfortable having him live here every day and sleep in the same room everyday but that maybe a few days would be okay. She did not understand or acknowledge my feelings and instead, abruptly told me that they were going to move out. The next day, she and her bf started moving things out without even telling me where she was living or even speaking to me at all, taking all our toilet paper and spices. For the past 2 weeks, she has only spoken to me about the subletting situation.
Last week, she brought over a subletter to look at the apartment at night without even letting me know. They all came in the apartment, and she and her boyfriend did not say one word to me and sent the subletter in my room alone. I was a little standoffish because I was completely surprised to see a stranger in my room and angry that my “best friend” couldn’t even come in the room to say hi. I told the subletter that my sister comes to visit me often on weekends and she did not show any signs of discomfort but got mad at my friend and told her that she should have let her know this. Anyway, the subletter decided to not take the apartment and in return, my best friend got mad at me, said I was being rude to the sublet and said that if it didn’t work out, that I should take over the subletting process. I responded to her (in text) that it was not at all my responsibility to find a subletter, as she is the one who decided to move out in the middle of the quarter, and that she had been acting extremely rude to me during this entire time when I had not done anything to her.
A couple days later, I saw that she had deleted me on snapchat. I know this sound stupid, but she and I had multiple conversations about other people deleting us off snapchat and how dramatic and crazy it is to delete someone off snapchat that you don’t even snapchat. Immediately, I knew that she was trying to delete me from her life. She and I do not snapchat at all and after I saw this, I texted her saying that I thought we were best friends and asking her if she was done and that I had thought that we could fix things. She never responded.
I’m just seriously hurt/confused because I really thought we were best friends. She would constantly tell me how much I meant to her and how she considered me a sister. She even said I would be the godmother to her kids…I never in a million years would think that she and I would not be speaking. We could literally tell each other anything and we were always there for each other. We have been best friends since we met our freshman year of college and now we are seniors. This isn’t a situation where we were too dependent on each other either. She and I did not hang out that much ever since she got a boyfriend last year, and we are very dependent from each other. We seriously never fought or ever had any problems. I definitely think that her boyfriend is in her ear egging her on to not be friends with me. I think maybe they feel that I forced them out of the apartment, but I didn’t? I even said he could sleep in the room a few days out of the week…I just don’t understand what is going on in her mind to completely cut me off…
I even said in my last text to her that I would like to know what is going on since I am tired of my so-called best friends in my life throwing away my friendship, and she still did not respond, when multiple friends have done this to her. I would think that that alone would make her reply to my text, even to say that she did not want to be friends anymore…
She’s immature and not a real friend. I’d stop trying to make up with her or communicate with her. She is responsible for finding someone to take over her lease (assuming it is even allowed by your lease to sublet). Whose name is on the lease?
You are not going to solve this with advice on here. If she wants to sublet, you need to have final approval since this person shares YOUR room. If you don’t approve, ex-roommate pays as her name is on the lease. It might take until the end of the quarter to find someone. Get this straightened out first.
Like we said in your earlier post - she has made her choice, and it is not you. Don’t take it personally, and don’t make things worse.
Just try your best to find a new friend or two during your last year of college. You can’t make her continue to be your best friend if she’s decided she’d rather spend her time with someone else.
Your now-former roommate and former best friend is a drama queen and she was being a total witch to you.
I’d caution you against trying to blame her boyfriend for her rude treatment of you. Even IF the boyfriend was buzzing in her ear about this, SHE was the one who CHOSE to give you the silent treatment. SHE was the one who chose to basically add an extra roommate (her boyfriend) to the apartment without consulting with you or the other roommates.
For a woman who is soon to graduate from college, she sure is immature. She can’t handle a simple disagreement. Her first reaction to being confronted is to run away and cut the person out of her life. That’s going to result in her being pretty alone and miserable throughout her life.
Clearly, she is no longer the sort of person who you initially became friends with. She did you a favor. Take time to mourn the friendship. And then go out and make some new friends…people who don’t treat each other like yesterday’s rotten lunch meat.
Sad. I feel for you - these are the pains of growing up. One of the hardest thing about journeying through life is learning someone isn’t who you thought they were. Its painful, disappointing and hurtful. In this case, I imagine this girl is blinded and overshadowed by her relationship with her boyfriend. Sadly, relationships can become all consuming and people lose sight of everything else. People let us down in life. It is my theory that this is why our culture has come to love dogs so much! They don’t do that.
My suggestion is to move on. Definitely hugs to you.
Maybe mentally put the relationship on hold for a while rather than consider it completely over. As the previous post pointed out, people in relationships sometimes lose perspective. Give yourself some time to be sad, but focus on moving forward and enjoying your senior year of college and surrounding yourself with positive people. Journaling to examine your feelings and her behavior may help you decide whether you would even want this person in your life in the future. If all is as you describe, I think the answer will be “No way.”
I feel for you too. I had a similar experience in college, losing my roommate and best friend due to her consuming (and in her case, unhealthy) relationship with her boyfriend. The loss of our friendship was very sad for me, but I don’t think she saw it that way at the time. She was consumed by her relationship and nothing else mattered.
Many years later we have restarted our relationship. She recognized later what a harmful person he was. And luckily she found a wonderful man later on.
It took a long time, but we are friends again. Maybe the same thing will happen to you, but if not, there are many other potential best friends out there.
Is this an on-campus or off-campus apartment? If on-campus, talk to the office. Tell them the situation. In both cases, See if subletting is allowed in the lease.
On the one hand, I see that she wants to live with. the boyfriend. And you rightly don’t want him living in your apartment/room rent free. So her leaving the apt to do that is the right thing.
HOWEVER, she is choosing a subletter that will be living in YOUR ROOM! So you definitely want someone who you can literally live with.
I know this is hard and is tough, but you have to let her do what she wants. She has the right to drop you off of social media. Yes you did the right thing in not letting someone extra live in your apartment. Not sure if he is egging her on not to be friends with you, but to make his life easier in paying for his housing? If you really like her, then just be patient and see if she comes around when she is tired of his mooching.
Spend your efforts trying to make sure the potential roommate is okay for you. But also be aware that you didn’t like someone staying in your apt rent free, but you want your sister to be able to visit all the time? Make sure you are being consistent.