My best writing...but does it need more emphasis on the point?

College Essays
1

<p>This is was one of my favorite essays to write; I had a lot of fun with the words, and friends have enjoyed reading it too. In terms of the quality, it is probably one of the best essays I’ve written. I only feel that perhaps I don’t spend enough time in the conclusion, where everything is led to the single point of the essay. A problem for many people reading my essay is that they know me, and their own vision of me probably filled in many blanks in their heads. I find the ending hard to pin down correctly in particular, and have a few different lines. I also fear it might be a bit incoherent in terms of the use of “Jack”</p>

<p>I’d like to get some feedback on it to see where exacly it is right now. The title is “Jack”, a hint as to what the essay is about is the word “trade”. It starts with this paragraph:</p>

<p>“I don’t really like the name David; it is definitely one of the more boring ones out there. It’s still David in Spanish, it’s David in French, and it’s probably David in a host of other languages too. Throughout the years, I’ve had a number of nicknames to replace boring David, from casual Dave to a more exotic Che to perhaps a hipper D-Chen. But if I could truly give myself a new name, a name that could take a snapshot of my fundamental self, it would be Jack.”</p>

<p>I hope that caught your attention, and I hope you enjoy reading the rest of it.</p>

<p>Thanks for your help!</p>

2

<p>bump? I could use some frank answers and advice.</p>

3

<p>That sounds like a really interesting essay. I love the introduction, very original. What is the ending like? It’s probably a good idea to get some people who don’t know you to read it.</p>

<p>On a side note, your name is David Chen? I know someone named David Chen. It’s probably a pretty common name, but I just thought I’d share :slight_smile: </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

4

<p>Yes my name is David Chen lol.</p>

<p>Here is an second half of the last paragraph if that’ll get people to want to read it:
“With the overall success and confidence from the pursuit of well roundedness comes something that being a “master” might never have brought: the ability to connect intimately with many other, different people, and to be able to bring them together. Whatever you call it, I suppose that is what being Jack really means. In a more pleasant fantasy, Jack would be my name, one that would reveal my soul, spirit, and self in a single word. But David is what I must be, and I guess it really is not all that bad; it is only a shame that “David of all trades” just doesn’t have that same ring.”</p>