My brother and his girlfriend want to get married. Our whole family thinks it is a bad idea considering he is a freshman and she is a sophomore. (She is kinda pushing it on him because they want to live together and she believe you have to be married first before you can actually sleep in the same bed.) My brothers girlfriend was adopted by her aunt and uncle and Vera free college education and I was wondering if getting married would change that for her? If so then maybe she won’t marry him right away.
LOL your post made me smile. My best wishes to them whatever they decide!
Yeah, if they’re adults they can do whatever they want. I wouldn’t try to persuade them not to get married - it would just make them more determined!
I don’t mind them getting married I just want to let her know what benefits she will lose if she gets married.
We can’t tell you that.
I believe if they get married they will both be considered “independent” for purposes of financial aid. If neither work, they should get full financial aid once married. My husband and I were married as college students (and we are still married- although it doesn’t work for everyone) and were considered independent for financial aid purposes. At the time, our full tuition was paid (public university) and we received money for books, etc.
My brother pays for his own tuition and he works she works like one day out of the week at a run down bbq house where we live in Texas and she gets free tuition cause she was adopted she relies on him for everything. So it would change her college tuition at all?
Support your brother. There are worse things in life than a too-young marriage.
And his girlfriend is really not your problem… even less than he is.
@Igotyoubabe19 I don’t understand the part about she receives free tuition because she is adopted. Is that something Texas does?
I actually find their “old fashioned” approach refreshing. I’m probably alone on this.
She’s not going to lose her financial aid- and your brother may get aid or more than he’s already getting. I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. In fact, I just read an article about people getting married as college students just for the financial aid (this is not legal, just like getting married for a green card is not legal, but people do it).
“Our whole family thinks it is a bad idea”
Your whole family is correct, but not for reasons that related to financial aid.
“She is kinda pushing it on him …”
This is a very bad sign. However, there is probably nothing that you can do about it. Your brother should run away from her as fast as he can. However, it will do absolutely no good for you to tell him that. Stay out of this situation and just try to be supportive of your brother whenever this all goes bad.
@gearmom " @Igotyoubabe19 I don’t understand the part about she receives free tuition because she is adopted. Is that something Texas does?"
On FAFSA if a child has been a foster child at any point after age 13 they are considered independent and are entitled to full federal aid benefits (full Pell). Texas might give them more. I know in VA there would be an additional grant of about $5k.
@Igotyoubabe19 I don’t think she will lose any benefits. Your brother might get more but he won’t lose any. If your parents earn more than about $30k per year he is probably not getting a lot for college right now.
IMO stay out of the discussion and let them handle it. If you express an opinion your possible sister-in-law might hold it against you forever. You seem like a good sister. 
Umm…are either of them in prison? Or have been in prison? Because the only context in which I’ve heard of Vera paying for college is for prisoners. Hey maybe there’s some other Vera program I just don’t know about–but if you’ve changed your “facts” it makes a big difference.
Oh and nobody can tell you what will happen to her financial aid if they marry because that varies by college. At least SOME private colleges will not give fin aid simultaneouly to a married couple. They insist that one should work while the other goes to school and then the other can go to school when the first has graduated.
On the other hand, some “Christian” colleges give tuition discounts to students who marry students at the same college.
So…the only way to get an answer is for THEM to inquire at their college(s)'s financial aid office.
Since money for their educations could be an issue, suggest that they each pay visits to the financial aid office to find out what changes to expect if/when they do get married. That way they can plan acordingly for their futures.
A coworker of mine adopted two girls from Texas foster care and there was some type of deal at the time where if you adopted kids older than age 6 they received free tuition at Texas public colleges. I don’t know how or if marriage would affect that.
OP @happymomof1 gave an excellent idea. I don’t think it is wrong that you care about your brother, just be careful that you don’t alienate him and his possible wife. Choose your words cautiously when discussing this with him. If you have already had one conversation with him, you may want to wait until he brings it up again.
He’s a freshman, she’s a sophomore? I can see it now: they get married, she gets pregnant within a year, she drops out of college to take care of baby, he drops out of college because they need more income, they split up…another kid off on the poverty single parent merry-go-round.
Sorry, I can’t think this is romantic.
I do sincerely hope that if they DO marry that this turns out to be the fairy tale where it all works out wonderfully. Sometimes it does.
In any case, it won’t do any good for you to say anything negative about the GF. The most you can do is talk with him seriously about the responsibility of marriage and even more so of bringing a child into the world. I agree that you will need to tread very carefully. making it a Romeo and Juliet situation will only make it worse.
You CAN discuss with your brother whether they’ve talked about children and when to have them - if his fiancee is okay using birth control till they both graduate, or if they want babies right away, or if she is against birth control have they discussed how they’d provide for the child. Perhaps your brother has thought of it but if he’s like most freshman guys, infants are the farthest thing from his mind. DO NOT be judgemental about it - if they want babies, they’ve already heard it from both parents that it’s a terrible idea. So, learn what it is he wants, what it is they want.
It sounds from your post that their main reason is that his fiancee will only break her abstinence vows once married. But is that your oercetptikn, his perception, or is the main reason something else entirely?
(If the main reason why they’d get married is to sleep together, you can expect a divorce in short order. )
Rushing into marriage because you want to have sex and you want to live together is a bad reason to get married.
Don’t do any research for them on the Vera free college education thing. But you could mention it to your brother as one additional factor to consider.
If this was my brother and he was getting this sort of pressure to get hitched at 18-19 years old, a few things I’d ask him or bring up to him would be stuff like:
- "Well, what do YOU think?"
- "What are YOUR concerns?"
- "Would GF lose her free college education if she got married?"
- "Getting married is a big deal and it's a big decision. You need to make sure that whoever you propose to that you are sure she's the right person for you. I'm behind you 100% with whatever you decide."
You need to tread lightly with your brother on this topic. You should probably also assume that whatever you say to him, he will repeat back to his GF. So she probably already knows that your family is not to keen on this whole “let’s get married right now” idea.
AND IF they get married and they stick together, then do you really want that relationship with your sister-in-law to start off on the wrong foot? This is another reason why you have to choose your words carefully with your brother.
If the GF has chosen to not have sex until marriage, there’s nothing wrong with that. But good things come to those who wait. Marriage is a BIG DEAL and getting married because you want to have sex and live together is ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THE WORST REASONS TO GET MARRIED!
Your brother needs to consider a few important questions when considering whether or not the GF is marriage material for him:
A. Does he want to have children? If so, about how many?
B. Does SHE want to have children? If so, how many?
C. When do he/she want to start having children?
D. What are his vs her views on whether they’ll be a 2-income family or if 1 of them will stay home with the kids?
E. Do they want to raise their kids in a particular religion? If so, which one? Do either your brother or the GF disagree with the other person’s views about religion? For some people who are passionate about their religious beliefs, this can be a deal breaker.
F. How will they manage their money? For example, 1 joint checking account or separate ones?
G. If they will be a 2-income family, have they thought about how they’d handle having to relocate/move for 1 of their jobs? Whose job will take priority? (the answer should be “it depends on the situation”)
H. If they want to have children, what are their views on how to raise children, disciplining children, education, etc.?
I. Where would they want to live/settle down after college? Does he or she insist that they live near 1 set of parents?
The religion, children, and money topics are the big 3 that any person getting married should discuss and sort out BEFORE YOU WALK DOWN THE AISLE! Otherwise, you can be on a fast lane to divorce.