Hey, my name is Ryan and I am going to apply to Virginia Tech early decision. The essay I am writing now is my free response 250 word limit. I was wondering if someone could take a quick look at it and see what needs work. I know it might not sound so good in terms of grammer/ sentence structure but i want to make sure i have the right idea down.
To me right now it sounds kind of too serious and not light hearted as it should be:
<pre><code> What if I wasnt? What if I lived another other life and this one went on without me? I ask myself these questions sometimes. If my wonderful parents were not to have adopted me, where would I be right now? I was given an opportunity to benefit. The home I would have grown up in was not ready for me. With the support and care of my selfless parents I was given a golden opportunity. Even though, at the mere age of 3 days, this life altering event shaped the person I am today.
When I first found out that I was adopted, it came and went, with no real impact. I must not have understood having been told at such young age. As I learned more about the dynamics surrounding my adoption, it helped me focus my attention and formulate goals to help others the same way I was helped. Learning these beliefs that formed my family, I in turn take these beliefs to help others. I hope that they too will pass on the knowledge that is shown through me and spread it throughout their life.
Family bonds are not sealed by blood. They are sealed by love, respect, and compassion for one another. Its through those ties that family bonds are formed. Some people think students volunteer to give them an edge when applying to college. With my opportunity, I truly find it a pleasure to help others just as I was helped 17 years ago.
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