My crazy neighbor

If not crazy, annoying and unreasonable. I need advice.

We bought this house a couple years ago. A day or so after closing, before we’d moved in, there was a note on the door that said something like “Welcome neighbor. Please don’t leave the light on in the kitchen at night. It bothers my mother.”

This was puzzling since we hadn’t moved in, but perhaps either us or our contractor had left the light on before leaving.

A week or so later, we meet the neighbor. It’s a woman and her very elderly mother. They also have tenants who seem to change frequently.

Now, I don’t leave the lights on all night because it’s a waste of electricity. But we need to turn on lights at night for a variety of reasons, and since I go to bed late, sometimes that is after midnight. Other times my husband leaves before sunrise to catch a flight. These are not unreasonably strong lights. An overhead, about four feet from the window.

Fast forward to last week. At midnight, I went into the kitchen and turned on the light. A minute later I hear a woman screaming. My husband and I go outside to figure out what is going on. The screaming stopped. I hear a woman’s voice saying, “I hate this city, I hate this city.”

Five minutes later, neighbor woman comes over and tells us to please stop leaving our light on because it bothers her mother. I tell her to get curtains, that I’m not going to not turn on lights. My husband, bless his soul, patiently listens to her complain for about 5 minutes.

Last night, 1 a.m., just before going to bed, I go to the kitchen and turn on lights to do something. As I leave, I pause at the light switch and for a moment think, “I could leave this on and bug my neighbor.” But no, I chide myself, don’t be mean, and I turn off the light.

Sure enough, this morning there was a note on the door. “Must you leave the light on all night long? They shine directly into my face.”

My lights were most definitely not on all night!

Some other info. These neighbors are not liked by others on the block. The woman across the street has a block party at her house once a year, and these 2 are the only people not invited. Once we watched in horror and amusement when another couple were having a fight and crazy neighbor was crouched in the bushes outside their window listening.

Plus, her tenants are a pain. They park right in front of our garbage cans after we put them out, so that the trash can’t be picked up. One time they parked blocking our driveway. We haven’t complained to crazy neighbor, although we have left notes on car windshields.

I don’t want to get into a feud with my neighbors. But I do think they are being unreasonable. I would think some quality black-out curtains and eye shades would solve this.

I can think of several ways to respond, but I’d like to know what you all would suggest.

Oh God – I hate situations like this.

If I were you, I would:

  1. Visit the two neighbors in their own home at a time when no one is upset about your “leaving the light on all night.”
  2. Calmly explain that you are trying to be considerate but that sometimes you need to go into the kitchen after dark (or before dawn) and turn on the light.
  3. Mention that never leave the light on all night.
  4. Tell them that you certainly don’t want to inconvenience them and of course a good night’s sleep is important for everyone.
  5. Suggest calmly that in order to help Mom get her good night’s sleep, perhaps she could hang curtains in her bedroom which she would close only when she’s going to sleep.
  6. If you really want to be nice, you could offer to purchase and/or hang them for her.

Good luck. I’m not optimistic. Crazy people are crazy and can’t be talked to logically.

Wow this just really takes the cake. I have never heard of anyone objecting to another person’s inside lights in my entire life.

You are a saint for even entertaining the possibility that you have to accommodate these people. Personally, I would have my lawyer send a cease and desist letter and keep them off your property and prevent them from contacting you.

Ignore. This is not your problem. It sounds like the older lady might have some cognitive impairment…and complains…and this bothers the daughter.

If they talk to you, again suggest that they get blinds and curtains…and draw both closed after sunset. Then walk away.

Agree ^^

I would not engage with them directly. Certainly there are some issues in that house and sadly, in today’s world you never know who can turn out to be dangerous. Save the notes and keep a record of when they knock on your door. If it continues I would suggest calling the town’s police who should be trained to deal with situations such as this. Seems obvious that your neighbors getting blackout shades would solve their problem quickly, easily, and inexpensively.

zooserman, your response has me laughing because we told friends about this the other day – friends from NYC – and their answer came close to what you said.

VeryHappy – what a reasonable response. I really don’t want to enter their house (I strongly suspect that they are hoarders and that the house is a mess), and I know myself well enough that I probably can’t have a logical or sane conversation with them.

My two gut instincts were to either ignore this entirely (as thumper suggests) or put a note on their door saying my lights aren’t on all night, along with a printout of blackout curtains they can buy on Amazon. (My evil twin wants to leave the lights on all night tonight.)

happy1 – I will start keeping track of when this happens. I didn’t save the first note (from 2 years ago). I’ll save this one. They also left one for the woman who house sat for us last month, and I’m sure she threw that out.

I say ignore as well–but I would also keep track of the notes and contacts, so you can tell your story accurately when the neighbors call the police to complain about you.

They do sound crazy.
My friends are having light wars with their neighbors, but it is because the neighbor has very bright outside lights on both their backporch and in their alley that shine directly on my friends’ house all night long. Neighbor was a judge and his wife is sure that these lights will keep them safe from the bad guys the judge sent to jail.

I’m in the ignore camp. Any engagement from your end will only fuel the fire.

It only seems logical that the neighbors should get curtains to block out the light. I just don’t understand the entitlement.

Do you have curtains or blinds on your window?

Or in court when the petty lawsuits start happening.

I don’t have blinds on my kitchen windows and wouldn’t want to put any up. Not my problem if it bothers the neighbors. If we were talking outside security lights it would be a different matter, though the code around here is pretty clear about what is and isn’t allowed.

I’d be inclined to send the lawyer letter - much as I’d like to think VeryHappy’s approach would work I don’t think you can deal with crazy people. The letter could include a suggestion that they get blackout shades. I understand being bothered by light, I get woken up by all the stupid blinking lights in our bedroom and have covered most of them up and will take the phone (which blinks if you forgot to check messages) out and put it in the hall in the middle of the night when it wakes me up.

Well, looking at this from a pragmatic pov, they are not going to put up blackout blinds, and even if they did, you still would be hearing how your lights were on unexpectedly, or too bright, or whatever. Can’t fix unreasonable. Is it possible the elderly lady has some dementia issues? Just to help you find sympathy for their side.

I would consider putting blinds in your own kitchen. I would definitely keep the notes, and I would tell her (send your husband) you are doing so. If she continues to harass you, you really only have the choice to ignore her (but still be subject to notes and outbursts) or inform authorities. this is the sort of thing that ends up in court, with restraining orders.

She’s not really harassing you if all she does is leave notes and occasionally ask you in person not to leave the lights on. I think you should ignore the notes, and try to respond calmly to in-person complaints, explaining that you turn the light on when you need to, and will continue to do so.

This is not your problem. I don’t have blinds at some of my windows (my kitchen window and a sliding glass door that leads from my kitchen to the back). Too bad if other people don’t like it. You have every right to turn lights on in your home as you see fit.

The way my house is situated on my property – when I am lying in bed and the next door neighbor turns his master bathroom light on, it shines right into my side of the bed. So therefore it’s my problem to make sure I pull down the shade on that window, which I often forget to do. It’s not his problem at all. He’s entitled to leave his light on all night if he is so inclined. You’re doing nothing unreasonable.

I am also in the ignore camp, but I have never inter-acted with my neighbors any where I lived. If the light is so bothersome, they are free to put up shades. We do that in NYC. I think the city would laugh if we were to ask them to turn off street lights.

Crazy people are crazy - they will not change their behavior.

I like the idea of keeping track of the various interactions with the neighbor, but other than that I would leave it alone and lead your life in your own way. Let them complain to the authorities - you will be able to show that your activities are rational. Police and judges are experienced dealing with crazies.

Agree with Hunt. Keep good diary of your encounters with the loons. I don’t think anything can fix crazy, and adding blinds on either side will not help (they seem to be able to see a single photon of light!) but if the situation escalates, a letter from your attorney might quiet them for a little while. So sorry you have to deal with this mess! Are the tenants parking illegally during garbage pickup? Maybe you can call the city or whatever authority is responsive and ask to send someone down your street to ticket them if they are violating parking ordinances (ea$y revenue for the city).

Sigh… We had a similar situation with our neighbor who was obsessed with our green fence. He decided that the fence was growing on his territory and was determined to exterminate all bushes with Roundup! But the activity stopped when Mr. calmly talked to him saying that we would not remove the bushes, and if the guy continues his “better living through chemistry”, he will be dealing with trespass, because the property line is outa here…

 There seems to be no good reason why the neighbors wouldn't solve their problem themselves with the curtains or blinds for use at night. 

 Not a great situation since you should be able to turn the lights on in your house whenever you want without triggering screaming and caterwauling from next door.     

I had neighbors once where our kitchen windows faced each other and they were kind of slobs so it was often not a pretty sight to be looking into their house.....and I suppose they could claim their view wasn't that great either.   And no, I don't like the idea of curtains on kitchen windows either.   

My suggestion, if you have the room on your property outside your kitchen window is to place some potted trees or a tall trellis with flowering vines…if it were me I would prefer to pretend they weren’t there and not to see or hear them at all.