NorCalGuy11, good for you for handling it all on your own, you’ll go far! Like your parents, we knew very little and it has become so much more complicated over the years. But I applaud you for picking up the reins and getting yourself through it all! Best of luck!
With my oldest I nagged once a week, and did sit in his room until the EA applications went out - which went in the day they were due. I was a little more relaxed about the rest of the process since he was able to recycle most of his essays. Younger son was completely different. He also procrastinated more than I was comfortable with, but was much more engaged in the process - he was taking time because he was writing completely different essays depending on the school and he went and got some teacher opinions about essays not just ours.
It sounds like your duaghter is on track even if it’s not your track, so I agree that a weekly check-in sounds like plenty.
“I will end up where I’m meant to be and I’m sure I’ll do just fine.” - This is the best attitude that college applicant can have. Our process was so enjoyable because I fully support this type of stand, confident and relaxed. It was basically fun with lots of memories that still bring smile to my face, unforgettable…
I wish everybody would refuse to stress out about anything in life! The best approach to everything. Stress solves absolutely nothing. Got to stay cool and enjoy every moment of everything in your life.
OP, my kid said exactly what you wrote. So back off. It’s a stressful process.
How refreshing! What a wonderful response. I’d leave her alone.
Sounds great, as long as you are sure that she understands the financial constraints. You might ask her how she understands the situation. If her answer matches your willingness to spend, you are in good shape. Also the weekly updates are a good idea. Written, texted, skyped, or over the dinner table, as long as you can see that things are being done.
The process can be kept very simple, but most kids underestimate how quickly deadlines show up. Being on top of HS duties is hardly the same as applying to college.
Few regret having started early and worked harder to get ready.
I was also in the camp of having Sunday afternoon meetings. I drove my ds nuts, I am sure, but limiting myself to talking about college things (unless he brought them up) just once a week helped. My ds was in a position to earn significant merit scholarships from his safety schools. Very cut and dry but also with very specific deadlines. IMO, that is too much of a financial risk to have fall through the cracks. Once all the applications for the safety schools and their requisite scholarship apps were completed, I relaxed a bit. I did stayed pretty involved until his REA app was in as well because it was due extremely early since he submitted a music supplement. But, by October 15th, I backed off. I knew he was going to have three Big State U admissions with significant merit money.
I told somebody at work about the process and he said to make them write essays, he went to Columbia and Columbia law school. But how do you make somebody to write essays, that’s impossible. Even if you could make them, the essays would be lousy. Luckily, I got help from kid #1, she is closer in age to kid#2 and could talk some senses. But I don’t think my kid did the best with essays. They were not terrible.
You are very fortunate! Take your daughter’s advice – and chill. Since you mention working with a financial planner, it appears that your daughter is already aware of whatever financial constraints exist – and that’s really the only thing you have to worry about.
"“I will end up where I’m meant to be and I’m sure I’ll do just fine.” - That’s a reasonable attitude, assuming all options are affordable. But in some cases there are some schools with bigger scholarship opportunities on the line.
I did a lot of research, and we hired somebody to help DS on essays. (He’s a fine writer, but it was good to have somebody to help him set topics, tone, and timeline). Then in the fall I tried hard not to nag too much. I’d remind him that he had fine and affordable in-state opportunities, so if he wanted more choices he had to do some work.
I totally understand the fact that you didn’t go to college and want your daughter to have the opportunity and experience that you did not get to have. However, you still have to let her make her own decisions. If she does want to go to college, she will go. If she doesn’t want to, she will be miserable there. Let her do what she wants to do… Also, if you are pushing something, that may make her want her to rebel. Maybe ease up a little on the topic, and things will fall into place.