My D who refuses to stress out about anything in life, told me yesterday to chill and quit trying to micro-managing the whole college prep thing. We’re working with a college financial planner who has basically been a lifesaver to me because of all that’s involved and I’ve been following the time frames they suggest for getting things ready. My D, however has told me that she is well aware of everything I’m telling her and will do what needs to be done on her own schedule. She has always come through and has never disappointed us or herself academically (and I admit to being a control freak.) I think I’ve gotten so caught up with the entire process (I never finished college) and I really want her to succeed. She is the type that goes with the flow and makes the best of what she has to work with. It’s a fine line between letting your kids make their own decisions and wanting to guide them because they don’t know everything. I asked her, what if she doesn’t get into the top college of her choice and she replied, “I will end up where I’m meant to be and I’m sure I’ll do just fine.”
Perhaps you can suggest a compromise–you agree not to control, if she agrees to keep you informed about what she’s doing.
Sounds like you have a great kid. Leave her alone!
Hunt, exactly what my husband said! I suggested that to her last night and she thought that was a good compromise.
Perhaps sit together and make some kind of schedule of what tasks should be finished by what dates (I did that with my kids)…and agree that as long as she tells you she is on target you will leave her alone. It is great she is independent and it is also great that you care about the process so this may be a good way to give everyone what they need.
You could concentrate on the financial aspect, something that is easier for you to control.
I agree…have them make up a big picture schedule and then ask for reports.
You’re the exact opposite of my mother, but the exact same as my uncle, lol. Anyway, your daughter seems to be on top of everything but it’s always good for you to check in once in a while to make sure everything is in order. I’ve been doing the whole college process on my own and have had some bumps in the process because I’d become overwhelmed at times. So being a third eye would be helpful, but don’t become her arms and legs.
My son won’t like my involvement either. He took whatever I said very offensively. I am afraid he will wait until the last minute.
The application process is one thing, then when acceptances are in and decisions to be made, deposits for tuition and housing to be sent in, etc another.
Above all they need to check their email for correspondence from the schools.
Then do it.
But be sure to have an honest talk about any financial constraints you have so that she can make her application list with affordability in mind.
When you compromise with her on getting info on her progress, maybe you can pick a weekly time to have a quick 5 minute progress report. Maybe Sunday afternoons you have a check in time, and then you don’t have to worry about when/how she will update you. She knows you won’t bother her during the week, and you’ll learn patience as you wait for that weekly progress report.
There’s a saying in the military - trust but verify. Get those weekly updates and you should both be happy.
I love your thread title because that is my daughter and me in a nutshell. My D seems to prefer written communication even though we are in the same house! I have a Google spreadsheet with all my research she can access and update. Smaller items are shared via text. I think it is the choice to respond when she is ready, instead when we are having a face to face conversation, that makes my “control freak” ways less intense.
You raised a fabulous daughter, OP.
Tell her, “You’re right, time for me to chill. You haven’t disappointed me yet, you won’t now.” Then give her a hug. She’ll “get it.” And appreciate it.
I will admit to driving my daughter absolutely crazy last year. I tried (but failed often) to keep college talk down to once a week. We divided up the tasks - I was administrative and money while she, of course, took care of everything else. I set deadlines (well, two - one for EA and one for RD). All she had to do was meet those two deadlines. D rose to the occasion. She scheduled and had telephone or skype interviews on her own. She contacted admissions offices with her questions. (she even contacted them with my questions, if I said “please”) Once I backed off, things actually went more smoothly for us. The funny thing is often she would email me “You need to do XYZ by this date!”, so I took as many orders from her as she did from me.
Your daughter sounds like she is on top of things. She also has a great attitude. I say, enjoy this ride.
This is why we hired a private college counselor. It kept us out of the process and from being our kids taskmaster. Obviously it’s a luxury but when some people said things like " that’s not going to help her get into X University" , I would explain that we weren’t doing it for any sort of admissions boost. We were doing it mainly to keep our last year with them at home free of this kind of stress. Our PCC organized and set deadlines and our kids met them in a way they were less likely to with us nagging them.
It sounds like she is a good kid and you guys have a good relationship. 
The weekly college check-in worked for us. We would make the to-do list for the week and review the last week’s to do list. As things got down to the wire, once a week wasn’t enough. But I really tried to bite my tongue the rest of the time. And knowing we would sit down and talk about it soon made me breathe a little easier.
She’s lucky to have a parent so involved (unlike mine who aren’t that involved not because they don’t want to but because they know little to nothing about anything regarding college). You have to realize that thousands of kids like me whose parents simply CAN’T be so involved with college stuff do all this stuff on their own. If we can do it on our own, she can as well. Just thought I’d let you know it’s not a foreign concept for kids to manage themselves regarding all this college stuff even as young as 17.
One suggestion: it might help if you start conversations about this with, “Is there anything you need me to do this week about the college stuff?”