Great points @toowonderful regarding the sense she will get during the audition process, this will be so interesting to see how it turns out!!!
Our D had a dream school for many years which fell several notches on her list after attending a summer program there (it’s a great school but she realized it didn’t offer the full college experience she wanted), so she applied binding ED to her new top choice and consequently never even auditioned for the original dream school.
Our S was waitlisted by his dream school (Stanford), but it turned out the school he ultimately chose has a far stonger program in his area of interest and he now can’t imagine being anywhere else.
Based on their experiences I’ve concluded that feelings towards a dream school are just a crush, but you only feel real love in a longterm relationship. 
Hahaaaa!! Love it @MomCares !!! I cant wait to be on the other side of this and giving wisdom as you now are!
I think one of the things that kept my kid from getting attached to any one particular program was attending several summer programs with different schools. If it isn’t possible to attend programs at multiple schools, ArtsBridge has a fabulous program with faculty from several schools (CMU, NYU, Syracuse, Pace, BW, and more). Also, Moo, MTCA and others still have master classes this fall at several schools that might help. I found that it helped my kid to actually experience the faculty, students and campus, and also to have an opportunity to watch faculty working with other students. My kid also learned a lot in the interaction and discussions with other students attending the master classes/ summer programs. While this suggestion is too late to help joyfulmama, it might be helpful to others with younger kids.
Believe me though, these summer programs, for all their benefits, CAN cause the “fall in love” situation to be even worse if they get extremely enamored with a particular school or faculty.
My D was determined not to have a favorite at any point. She didn’t even visit schools beforehand because she didn’t want to fall in love. (She did visit one nearby one junior year, but it didn’t end up on her final list, and she took dual enrollment courses at another and also saw many shows there. The latter was on her list, but she wasn’t sure she wanted to include it, after all.) At her school, people now ask if their school was her top choice, and, when she says she didn’t have one, they sometimes don’t know what to say, especially because, for many, their school was their top choice or one of them all along. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t like her school; in fact, she’s completely in love with it!
D did have one school that she had looked up to since she was 10, but she was objective enough to realize that there were many fabulous programs, not just that one. In fact, she now says she doesn’t think it would fit her nearly as well as her school. Of course, if she were there, she may say she can’t see herself anywhere else! It’s all in perspective…
One boy we know is going through this process this year. He definitely has a top choice. In fact, like your D, he’s convinced he’ll get in. Besides that, he’s only applying to tippy top places, and he’s basing it purely on that tippy top status. He’s asked us for help, and, up until a week ago, laughed off our suggestions to really look at the programs beyond the name, to examine each one to determine what exactly HE wants in a program, and then to find other programs that mostly match that. (Not that this is your D’s approach; it’s just part of a story here.) He’s finally asking questions about a couple other programs. I fear for him because he’ll fall hard if he doesn’t get into one his coveted programs (especially that one), but it’s his journey, and he’ll figure it out. Your other D figured it out after she didn’t get into her top choice; as you said, it was a blessing. If your D doesn’t get into her coveted school, she will also figure it out. I know that’s not much comfort.
Something D and I did to help her not fall hard for certain schools before auditions was really examine each school and enthusiastically point out the positives. After culling through some that weren’t fits, there were still so many that we’d both say, “I can see you/me there!” During auditions, she, of course, began developing general favorites, but she’d keep looking back at the spreadsheets and being reminded that all of the schools on her list had wonderful things to offer that fit what she wanted. (Looking over those sheets and essays before auditions to prepare for interviews helped keep all of that fresh in her mind. Double purpose served…)
I think it also helps to keep hammering home how acceptances are based on so many things, not just talent. When one is rejected, it’s a bit easier to take because they know that fact is true.
It sounds like your D is developing a list she really likes. Great! I think she’ll be just fine. If she does fall hard, she will end up at a great program, anyway (there are so many), and she will likely, like your D, be super thankful for how it all turned out in just a short while. Besides, it’s part of this career, right? Our kids have tough skin no matter how sweet or sensitive they really are–or hopefully develop it quickly if they don’t!
My daughter had a dream school before she started the process-then it wasn’t even on her radar when making her list. I’m sure the financial aspect and knowing it was notorious for not giving aid added to that. Once we started visits she “fell in love” with a school and that lasted until our second visit at audition time and she realized it wasn’t for her at all. Her top five varied day to day it’s such an emotional roller coaster especially when they know the odds of getting in are so slim. When they have auditions and talk to the department heads it’s hard not to get excited about that school because they are in the moment. Also during the process she was evolving and growing and realized more and more what she was looking for in a program. When it came to decision time, visiting the schools made all the difference and she knew which one fit. She’s loved it there ever since and yes not every school is perfect, they all have strengths and weaknesses, but she loves hers and can’t imagine going anywhere else.
Yes, @broadway95 , the faculty talks were another time my D and I would think (and afterwards, say), “This would be a great program for you/me!”
It is truly head-spinning how quickly that will happen! In light of all the blood and treasure we pour into college it is amazing how those 4 years flash past.
After college they’ll have dream projects, which sometimes happen but other times they’ll be replaced by the shows they’re actually cast in, so as has been said above this process is all good preparation for their futures.
@myloves Oh no my D is not convinced she will get in, she knows how selective they are,she just loves the school. Yes she isreally happy with her list and by December we will have visited all and auditioned for a few with more auditions in January and February.
Such an exciting time for them!!!
Maybe a corollary to that is the less you know about something, the more it seems to be the perfect answer.
We re going to visit a couple schools like I said and then at 2 of them going to see a show. I thought this would be a good idea but sometimes my D tends to be critical & if the show isn’t that great I am afraid she will immediately think the program isn’t…which I know is not the case a lot of times! Plus it will be the first shows for these schools for the season so they may tend to be not as good as the ones in the spring.
I don’t know how necessarily true that is. I’ve seen IU’s fall mainstage shows … they’re always fantastic.
And we saw Chicago at Nebraska Wesleyan in August (their first show of the season) and it was literally mindblowingly great.
I’ve said this before, but I know at many schools you need to be VERY careful about judging them by seeing shows on campus. Here are just a few things that come in to play at D’s school.
- NO single show on her campus EVER includes all of the top performers.
- Many shows are in various stages of creation concurrently (over 60 shows each year).
- Lots of kids do shows off campus around Chicago.
- Some shows intentionally cast people in “stretch” roles.
- Some shows are created by novice directors.
- Many kids are completing double majors so they choose not to audition some quarters.
- In addition to Mainstage, there are multiple student theatre groups with varying artistic goals.
- Some shows only cast non-majors, others try to cast one person from every school on campus, etc.
At other schools none of these things may be true, so if you compare those schools you are comparing apples and oranges and may learn NOTHING about the actual quality of training.
I know . I’m telling her all those things @MomCares . I’m sure the shows will be good. Not to disparage the MT students doing these shows. She actually went to see a show last yr at a college and it wasn’t great and that schools still on her list so I guess she realizes college is a work in progress too!
Sorry if my comment doesn’t help but I’ve told my D since her first day of high school: “Keep working hard and whatever colleges accept you, we’ll pick the one that is the most for our money.”
Keeping it simple. 
So her dream school is actually a good University that is affordable.
My suggestion in this area is always: “Don’t have a dream; have a strategy.”
Just curious about Theater and how competitive admissions are.
Is it because many basically unqualified kids apply thinking they can act and it would be cool to be a theater major at a “name” school?
It would be interesting to hear the auditors opinions on this … no way of telling…