I’m really struggling right now.
None of my college admission process has been easy. I’m fact, it’s been super tough on both me and my family.
It all started when I, stupidly, got my heart set on a university my junior year. I applied to a ton of colleges during my senior year, but I could only envision myself going to this one school. Long story short; I got in, it was expensive (it’s an international school), it was a stressful decision, my mom didn’t want me to go, my dad did, I ended up going there.
My mom is helping me out a TON with money. She’s agreed to pay for the brunt of my tuition and most of my housing costs. My parents are divorced and my dad makes a great deal less money than my mom. He hasn’t been able to help me out as much, which I understand completely, but it makes my situation more difficult.
My mom and I came to an agreement on the university because I was entering in a specialized major, and it was very important to me. Turns out, when I enrolled in the classes, I HATED it. It wasn’t for me at all. So I applied for a transfer of faculties and was hoping to begin my new degree search next fall.
I felt great at the school, even though it is quite large. I made a wonderful group of friends and love the campus.
When I left for winter break, I fully expected it to be a normal break from school. I knew I was going to have to take a loan out for this second term, but I had accepted it.
Unfortunately, my school has decided to conduct classes online until February 7th, but luckily tuition has been moved so it is due then.
However, now my mom has been discussing how she doesn’t think this school is worth it. She doesn’t want me to continue and would rather have me switch to a smaller liberal arts school in the United States. She thinks I would thrive better there.
I understand where this fear is coming from. I failed my first class ever my first term. I got two A’s, one A-, and an F. I was devastated. It’s never happened to me before. It was a math class that I don’t even need for my new major, but still. It will be on my transcript forever.
However, there were circumstances surrounding this grade. It was a 50% final, and I don’t think I put enough emphasis on that. It was 100% my fault. Also, the class average was 57%, and there was absolutely no curve to the class at all. It was odd. But I take full responsibility.
Regardless, I think this worries her a lot. She doesn’t want me to take out a loan for a school that I don’t thrive in, and with COVID, she doesn’t think it’s worth it to continue here for another term.
I’m heartbroken over this. So is my dad. He keeps saying I should stay, invest in my future, as it is a very good school. He and I visited it together almost 5 years ago, that’s where I fell in love with it.
I have no idea what to do. My mom is very adamant that I should apply to liberal arts universities in the US so I can explore my options for major, as I really don’t necessarily know what I want to go into. Which I understand there, but I don’t want to let my dad down, as this was a special place for us.
At the same time, I respect my mom’s opinion so much. And I hate that she has to keep spending money on me.
I’m devastated. None of my friends from high school are even considering transferring. I feel like such a loser. It hurts a lot.
I just want to be settled somewhere. I miss the life I built at my current university (as I’m at home now for online school.) I cry a lot thinking about if I had to leave it all behind.
I just want to make everyone happy, and in the process of doing that, I don’t know what makes me happy anymore.
For the time being, my school said they would update everyone on the week of January 24th on if school is staying online for longer. We’re putting off making our final decision until we hear that.
Anyways, any suggestions? Anyone struggling with something similar? I just feel so lost right now. I change my mind on what to do every 30 seconds. It hasn’t been good for my mental health.
Should I apply to transfer schools to see what I get? This F has all but ruined my life. My GPA is tanked, as I only have 12 credits. I don’t know if transfer schools would even take me.
I hope everyone is doing well. I appreciate all the advice!