My Dad Doesn't Want Me To Go To Any Out Of State Colleges

College Search & Lists
21

@prettycitygirl What grade are you in currently?

There is no perfect college or city. Your dream school may turn out to be a nightmare once you’re there.

It sounds to me like you’re romanticizing the college experience. College is not a vacation; it’s hard work. My student rarely gets off campus because he’s so busy with school and volunteers with some clubs.

Your father is signaling it’s not an option, so you need to explore the alternatives. Your college experience will be what you make of it. Adults don’t always get the job they want in the location they prefer. Welcome to the adult world.

22

I think it is time you sit down and have an honest talk with your father and mother about any restrictions (financial, geographic or anything else) they have on your college choices.

23

A heart to heart conversation is warranted. At first, listen more than you speak. Find out what your father’s concerns are. Instead of speculating about what they might be, just ask him directly. Try to put yourself into his shoes and understand his concerns. Then, you may be able to speak of your own goals and interests in a way that assuages his concerns. But also be open to researching and thinking about various other options that may be satisfactory to BOTH of you.

24

Agree that you need to sit down with both parents and talk through your options, the perceived unfairness of your situation, the actual reason NYU is not an option, etc. Your parents should not be giving you inconsistent guidelines for colleges. That’s on them, not on you.

Some posters will act like you’re being entitled and unreasonable, but when your own parents disagree, I can understand the frustration. I don’t know how most peoples’ marriages work but I don’t cede all decision-making to my husband - what the heck? I don’t quite comprehend the “You and your mom must obey your father” posts. That said, NYU is going to cost way more than USF and you should be prepared for it to be unaffordable.

We live in northern VA and neither one of our kids is that thrilled with our in-state options based on their particular interests. It happens.

25

@prettycitygirl I think you are getting a lot of good advice about ways to start a more productive conversation with your dad. And @Dustyfeathers gave you a very good list of alternatives to NYU. I will add Fordham to that list. The Rose Hill campus is lovely and has a 24 hour shuttle to NYU.

What are you planning to major in? Where else can you find that major (or a very good program) besides NYU? Will you need to go to graduate school later on? Perhaps NYU would be an option then.

26

Real dreams are assets. College is a liability. NYU is no more a dream than owning a Chevy. Real dreams supersede any college you go to. Plus the cost of going there is atrocious, especially when NYU is well known for being stingy with financial aid. I’m pretty certain money is a part of this argument. The cost of living in NYC is highest in the nation. You have plenty of great options. If you can get into NYU, you can get into Univ of Virginia.

27

“If you can get into NYU, you can get into University of Virginia.”. Not necessarily true at all.

28

Outside scholarships are not going to help much, most likely. Most are for small amounts and not renewable.

In some cities you can live off campus cheaper than on campus, and save some money that way, but NYC isn’t one of those cities.

29

S1 was hung up on NYU too. He learned that the social life is desperately lacking there, unless you have a fat credit card. Nothing charming about NYU. My kids wet to cozy colleges and had internships and job offers in NYC.

Here are some thoughts: 1) Try a bunch of overnighters there. 2) Intern your college summers there. 3) Fordham has nice campus and good merit aid.

30

Ok but a lot of people including the OP find NYU’s neighborhood charming, I’m guessing she doesn’t want to be judged on her top choice being NYU, but how to get her dad to consider it and that probably wouldn’t include suggesting a school in the Bronx.

31

OP,

Others have nailed this. Finances or worry for your well-being are probably driving your father’s concern: both understandable. I think that your solution is to work toward compromise. NYU might be your dream school, but sometimes dream schools can become less dreamy once one is there. On the other hand, schools that seemed like unfair purgatories become life-changing blasts of education and fun.

Find out about finances. If cost is not a big issue, try to come up with OOS schools that your dad would be open to. See, also, if he’ll at least consider allowing you to apply to NYU, with your full understanding that you might not be able to attend. Have backups! I always get nervous when a prospective student has her sights set on one–just one!–school.

32

It’s MUCH better to live in NYC when you’re an adult earning money, than as a penniless college student. You could however live near NYC so that you can go on weekends but far enough your father wouldn’t worry - Marist, Manhattan college, Fordham, SUNY New Paltz, Drew, TCNJ might be ok for him?

Keep in mind your father probably wouldn’t want to admit he can’t afford so sending you to NYU - but, most parents can’t.

33

I think you must figure out that whether he doesn’t want you go to university out of state or just NYU . As we all know. tuition of NYU is expensive. If he is worried about the prices , you can do some part time job and ask whether it can help change his mind. What’s more, maybe you can change another university locate in NY if your dad worried about the prices.

34

I was also really excited to go to college out of state and considered packing my bags for California as a Northeast resident. I decided to go to a school closer to home located about an hour away and am really glad I did. I had a hard time adjusting to college and having the option open of going home to be with my family on weekends really helped. Maybe consider staying in VA? I understand not everyone has the same mindset as me but maybe look more into instate schools, Virginia has a lot of great ones.

35

There is nothing wrong with you. You’re not the first high school student who has fallen in love with NYU & NYC. But you need to ask yourself what unique features of NYU/NYC are driving your fixation. Make a list of the things you are focused on.

I wouldn’t be surprised if your list included things like great museums, Broadway plays, amazing restaurants, & wild nightlife.

To which your father would likely respond, “You probably won’t spend more than 5 hours per semester in the museums; you might go to a few plays in 4 years; you can’t afford the great restaurants; & until you are a senior, you won’t be old enough for the nightlife.”

36

First of all you are entitled to your opinions, NYU can be on your wish list for now.

And I would also venture to guess that your parents love you more than anyone else and only want what is realistically best for you.

NYU is a solid school and worthy of consideration.

But consideration means you will be part of an intelligent and mature review. Your parents will be as well.

But as you will be applying in the fall, now is the time to take stock in a realistic and helpful way.

Have some fun with this and make this upfront process a great big adventure.

As a first step is to draw a circle within an hour or two of your home. Look at all the schools. Choose a few large, medium and small. More urban and more rural. State schools and private. Some in va md and dc perhaps. Ask your parents to go with you to visit some from each category. Keep an open mind during this investigative phase.

Once you have a sense of what you would like in broad terms start some sort of spreadsheet or journal of your wish list schools including NYU if you like. And pay special attention upfront to financial considerations.

All of this info can found found online and with some research.

Campus type.
Academic programs.

School vibe or reputation.
Size
Location
Intangibles (weather, cost of travel, social life on/off campus)
Greek life or no, service orientation
physical safety and local crime statistics
Likelihood of acceptance (and every school you should consider much harder to get jnto than you currently assume)
And the biggest of all. Finances.

Maybe set up a ranking system for each category.

Schools you might like will start to emerge.

If it were my family we would formally visit as a start -

uva, w and m, va tech. Richmond. GWU American and Georgetown UMD and Hopkins just as some starting spots.

That would give you some diversity around types, different levels of selectivity and locations.

You might be surprised yourself.

37

Great advice given already!

As a parent, any time one of my kids is insisting on one certain thing, I worry that they are being too emotional about it. Prove to your parents that you aren’t - that you are reasonable and willing to negotiate and compromise. What other schools check both your needs AND your dads? NYU isn’t the only school out there. Show your parents you are willing to compromise and ask for their input on your other options.

I’d suggest Fordham, Hofstra, Marist, and SUNY Stonybrook. Hofstra in particular is very generous with merit aid, and can likely match an in-state school. (I’m assuming if you’re good enough to get into NYU, you’ll be able to score $30K/year at Hofstra). For all of these schools, NYC is a quick train ride away.

Good luck!

38

I think NYU and NY are the problem. Your sis is out of state in Florida. Come up with a Florida option. Come up with an option in DC if you want urban. Drop the dream, because the dream is unlikely to come true. If your goal is to go to a school that isn’t in Virginia, then give your Dad more suitable options that he might be less opposed to. Give him an option in Maryland, or North Carolina. Don’t fixate on NY.

Agree with others that NYU gives terrible aid and will likely be unaffordable.