So I live in Northern Virginia in the suburbs. Its a nice town and I do like it here, but ever since I was in middle school, I've known I wanted to go to college out of state. New York to be specific. I am a senior in high school now and my dream college is New York University, located in the heart of New York City. I could go on and on about why I love this school and want to go there, but I'll just keep it simple and say that they have an exceptional program for my intended major, and the atmosphere and mood of the campus seems like a place where I could really fit in. My mom loves NYU as well and is totally on board with me going there, but the dilemma is my dad.
He is dead set on me staying in Virginia, and won't even listen when I talk about any out of state schools. He thinks New York is too far and too much for me to handle. When I try to explain all the perks and great things about NYU, he half listens and changes the subject back to in-state schools.
Here's the thing: I don't dislike Virginia, nor do I think there is anything wrong with the colleges here. It's just that none of the colleges in Virginia really interest me that much (at least not as much as NYU does). They seem okay, but not anywhere where I could see myself going. Another reason I'm choosing out of state, is for the experience. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with Virginia. But Iv'e lived here for eighteen years; why live here for another four years when I have the option of going anywhere in the country. Since I was in elementary school, New York has always been my favorite place to visit when we went on family vacations, and its the state that I could really imagine myself living in. In fact, most of the colleges I'm applying to this fall are in New York.
One more thing I should add is that I have an older sister who is also in college. She goes to an out of state school, University of South Florida. I know I shouldn't compare my situation to my sister's, but it just seems a little unfair to me that she got to go to a college that is thirteen hours away (by car), and I'm not even allowed to go to a college that is just five hours away. What could I say or do that would change my dad's mind or convince him that going out of state to New York is the right decision for me? Sorry for this whole essay of a question lol, I just wanted to include as many details as possible.
Synopsis: I live in Virginia and want to go to college out of state (New York). My mom is fine with it but my dad isn’t. What could I say or do to change his mind?
Agreed with above - NYU so expensive, why not add a few lower-priced out of state schools to your discussion list. Also add a non-urban one to see if that makes the discussion more appealing.
From your description, your dad’s objection doesn’t seem to be related to the cost of attending NYU but more to do with his sense of insecurity of seeing you off to NY itself. If this is the case, then you’d need to come up with a set of strategies that’d assuage his very concerns, i.e., demonstration of your maturity, your sense of dealing with potential dangers, etc. Perhaps even a list of things that you can promise to him that you’d avoid while living in NYC as a way to minimize his fears?
A parent is not obligated to fund a child’s education at that child’s “dream school.”
Make your peace with your father’s decision, find some good in-state and non-NYC OOS options, and roll with it.
And if you are relying on your parents to pay for your education, then you do not “have the option of going anywhere in the country.” Perhaps you will when you are an independent adult, and paying your own way for things.
I say do what the others advise here plus ask if you can also keep NYU on your list knowing that because of cost or other reasons you and yoru parents may decide it’s not your favorite school any more.
If you want to be out of VA and want to be close to NYC, non-NYU possibilities might be –
Sarah Lawrence 20 min from NYc and it also runs weekend buses to the Metropolitan Museum of Art
Vassar (On MetroNorth line to NYC -- easy day trip)
Bard (on Amtrak line to NYC)
Drew (on NJ transit line to NYC -- easy day trip)
Wagner (on campus on Staten Island)
Barnard (uptown where it's greener and calmer than NYU neighborhood)
Brooklyn College
Connecticut College (on Amtrak line about 2 hrs from NYC)
Schools in the Northampton area -- many families from NYC attend and there are buses and carpools possible to get to NYC occasionally -- Mt. Holyoke, Smith, Hampshire, Amherst -- they are all part of a consortium. If you are attending one you can take classes at the others
NYU is very expensive. If you like NYC, find a job there after you graduate. NYU has no campus. You are basically “on the street” every day. Please remember that you are not a tourist and NYC is a very complicated place. I personally don’t think it is a good location for undergraduate. I know Generation Z loves to stay in large cities. Please reserve your love for city until you start to work. (If you are from a super rich family, forget about whatever I said and get a good radar detector. You can’t use it in DC/Virginia. OK for all other states. There are a lot of unmarked police cars along mid-Atlantic/Northeast corridor. You can identify them very early. They use KA band.)
We are in northern VA, and two years ago my D applied to the three top VA state schools and NYU (among others). So I’m familiar with this situation.
As has been mentioned, without financial aid, four years at NYU costs a lot–as much as $300,000. UVa and W&M would be about $140,000. If you are eligible for need-based financial aid, UVa and W&M will meet your full need, while NYU might, but is very likely to not meet it each year by $10,000 or more (maybe a lot more). If you do try NYU’s Net Price Calculator, by the way, you will find, first, that it is a terrible NPC that asks for very little information, and, second, that after using it anyone who can’t afford to pay full price for NYU should probably see the results and decide to not apply.
I just looked, and USF only cost a few thousand more out-of-state than schools like UVa and W&M do in-state. So you probably have to get past the big financial downside of a place like NYU (which might be true for your family for any private college that didn’t either have great financial aid, or gave you a merit scholarship).
Sorry to be so discouraging! This is both the upside and the downside of living in a state with great public colleges. It’s hard for other schools to compete with the state schools in price (or often in quality), so a lot of people don’t go out of state who might want to. You will really need to investigate all your options to see what might work financially and personally to come up with some acceptable options.
It’s really common for students to have dreams about studying out of state, especially New York. NYU is a really common “dream college” for students because of the dream of New York living it sells.
As others say, the thing you really need to understand is why is your dad opposed to you going to college out of state? Money could be an issue, especially since you have such excellent public universities in Virginia. But since he hasn’t mentioned it, maybe it’s something else. Lots of parents have apprehensions about New York - there are a lot of stereotypes about living in the city, particularly based on NYC’s crime rate and public image from the 1970s and 1980s. Some of it’s not unwarranted - living in NYC can, indeed, be overwhelming! If you’ve always lived in the suburbs, he may be concerned about thrusting you into one of the biggest cities in the world for the first time as an 18-year-old college freshman.
So I think before you can think about how to potentially change your dad’s mind, you need to understand why he feels the way he does. Ask him, and seriously listen to his answer. Take his concerns seriously, and think about them in a mature way.
How about attending school in Washington, DC it is not NYC but it still has the big city perks and it is so close to Northern VA that your Dad might not consider it out of state.
First, can you get into NYU? Maybe the dream stops right there?
Secondly, vacationing in a state and living there are two different things. On vacations we are doing nothing but enjoying ourselves. Living somewhere means dealing with reality.
As everyone has mentioned the cost of NYU is extreme. Unless you are off the charts and are able to get a scholarship, it really isn’t worth it. As a NYS resident I would caution any young person about living here. This is the highest tax state in the nation which has driven opportunity out. You would be wise to look elsewhere.
To me the big question is why is your sister being treated differently. Why did they allow her to go out of state and not you? Are there maturity issues, health issues, or something else going on that you haven’t mentioned. Or they have decided that they made a mistake allowing her to go OOS and don’t want to repeat the same mistake with you?
For the people asking about why my dad let my sister go out of state and not me, I’m not really sure myself. Maybe even though Florida is farther away, my dad thinks Florida is safer than New York. I think he thinks of New York as some dangerous place.
– I also suspect that finances might be a part of the reason. With instate options like UVa, William & Mary etc. it can be hard to justify the cost of NYU.
–I can’t speak to your sister, perhaps he isn’t happy with her so far away, perhaps USF offered her some scholarship etc. In any event I suggest you be concerned with yourself. Recognize that parents are not obligated to pay for college and many don’t (or can’t). Try to be grateful for the gift of a 4 year college education that you are getting rather than resentful that your sister may have got something different (even if it cost a bit more).
–Know that NYU is one of the most expensive private schools in the country and is notoriously stingy with aid.
–If you go to college in VA you can do things to break up the expereince. Discuss with your dad that if you go to a VA school you would like him to support you in doing a program abroad or at a college in a major US city for a semester. You could also ask him to support you if you get an internship in NYC one summer (NYU rents dorms out for the summer) etc… Find some common ground where you can get out of VA for a while while having him pay in-state tuition for college (if money is the concern).
–You have the rest of your life to live in NYC. Get an affordable education and find a job in NYC.
About the cost, believe me, me and my mother are both aware of it. For the next few months I’m gonna be on the lookout for so many different scholarships. While my mom may not like the cost either she still loves the school and wants me to go there. So what I’m thinking is if the cost is the main issue, why wouldn’t my dad just tell me that from the get go? He also would’ve have a conversation with my mom about the cost, and then she would have told me to forget about it too. That’s why I don’t think the price of NYU is his main problem with it. I believe the root issue is he doesn’t think NYU is a safe place.