<p>I’m a 16 year old girl in 11th grade. All my life, I’ve been sheltered. I feel like my dad is being a bit too controlling and over protective. My dad won’t let me pick out anything. I can’t pick out my own clothes, shoes, food, etc. …I don’t even have the choice to even have a job or go to a college I want to go to. (My first choice college is the School of Visual Arts) I can’t hang out with my friends and apparently, I can’t get my permit since he thinks that I’m not ready to learn how to drive. Once he buys something for me, I HAVE to wear it. It’s his way or I’m wearing nothing. I’ve tried explaining to him that I’m old enough to make my own decisions but he just says that I don’t and that I’m just a selfish. spoiled brat. Do I sound like one?</p>
<p>There was one time where he let me pick out one pair of clothing (a pair of shorts and a shirt with a tiger print on it) and once I showed it to him, he started criticizing it and put it away and just pick out what he wanted me to wear. He thought that I was trying to be slutty even though it was the summertime at the time. I have no say of what I want to have, all he wants me to do is clean up the house, get good grades, and cook.
It’s not like I have bad grades, I have mostly B’s and a few A’s/C’s (4 AP classes, 3 honor classes, and the rest are regular classes) but I just feel like my dad doesn’t have any confidence in me and that I can’t be able to look after myself. I do love him but I just wish that he would let me make my own decisions from now on. He won’t let me hang out with my friends since I apparently don’t have any friends when I do. I know he’s just looking after me and he just wants me to be with him forever but I personally don’t want that. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and take care of myself. I’m not into having boyfriends (and I’ve never had one before) and I just want to be able to be independant and “normal” like any other girl. I’m a pretty shy but nice girl and I’m more focused on what career I want and I know what I want to be in life. (My intended major is Traditional Animation.)I know how to do basic tasks like clean, wash laundry, cook (Okay well I’m not THAT good at cooking), and I know what sizes I wear but he believes that I would be crying in the middle of nowhere if he sends me somewhere where he isn’t. He really hurts my feelings whenever he looks down at me. He’s also not into buying expensive things, he’ pretty cheap for example, I actually had to BEG him to pay for my ACT application fee which was only $35 but he kept on telling me how expensive it was and it took him almost the last day to pay for it while I just filled out the rest. I also wanted to take about 2 of my AP tests but he said that I didn’t need them and that each test was too expensive ($87 each). He says that if I want to buy anything that I want, I would have to get a job and pay for it myself but I told him that he wouldn’t let me have a job and he just ignored me and said that I don’t need a job. I would get a job on my own like at the mall but there are no buses that come in my neighborhood and the mall is only 9 minutes/2.8 miles away from my house. (I would walk but I’m kinda scared to since it’s kinda dangerous walking at night/during the day in a busy road.)
I have 3 brothers and he lets them do almost whatever they want…just because they’re boys! Whenever they do something bad, I’M the one who’s always getting blamed for their mistakes since I didn’t watch them or anything and I’m the youngest in the family! He doesn’t want me out of his sight and I can’t do anything without his permission and if he’s there. Can you guys please help me?</p>
<p>Oh I forgot to say, my parents are divorced. I live with my dad and I haven’t seen my mom in almost 3 years. She lives out of state but I do talk to her online sometimes. Me and my brothers have a great relationship with her. My dad really dislikes my mom and my dad is old school by the way. He knows that I don’t have a female figure in my life since I’m the only girl in the house and he thinks that it’s a problem so he tries his best to be like a mom to me. :)</p>
<p>I know that he’s against me going to my first choice college so I plan on getting as much college credits as I can in high school (I’m taking community college classes in the fall as a senior), get an apartment off campus with roommates after my first year, get a job/Federal Work Study, grants/scholarships, and take out loans. Everyone but him support my decision and since I live a few hours from Manhattan by train (BWI train), the train ticket isn’t expensive. I just want him to let me for once make my own decisions and I really want to at least pick out a college that I really want to go to.</p>
<p>Getting federal work study, many grants, and loans depends on your dad cooperating to fill out the financial aid forms. Possibly complicated by the fact that at some schools your mom will have to report finances as well, depending on the college. It will be very, very difficult to fund your college without his cooperation. I would suggest that you sit down with him and make a list of colleges to visit and consider that you can both agree on. Ask him to help you run the net price calculators for those schools and the FAFSA calculator as well.</p>
<p>Realistically… you are probably going to have to put up with the things that are bugging you now to reach your goals in the long term. The less you fight with him now, the more cooperative he may be when it comes time to (1) help with the paperwork for college, (2) possibly pay some of your college expenses, and (3) agree for you to go to a college where you do not live at home. </p>
<p>While I would agree that some of his behaviors sound very controlling and likely things my daughters would balk at, I also can see why he may have some concerns about your major/career choice. I think it is a tough field to break into… if one of my kids wanted that major, I would be having some serious conversations with them about finding a job in their field and their long term ability to pay back any loans they take out.</p>
<p>Here is one more thing… parents want to feel needed. Honestly, try a little honey instead of vinegar with him if you can. Let him know how much you appreciate what he does for you and how he watches out for you. He is going to have to let go eventually, and I am sure he knows that. If you can make him feel good about your relationship with him and like you appreciate him, you might have better luck getting him to compromise and help/say yes to some of the things you want to do.</p>
<p>Oh, my kids didn’t drive until they were 17. Both took driver’s ed that year, and got their licenses fall of their senior year of high school. The high cost of auto insurance AND concerns about their maturity/ability to handle a car safely played into that decision. Neither objected. Lots of kids do not drive until after 16 these days.</p>
<p>Is there any way you can live with your mom? Your father sounds far too controlling. Do you know of any adults who you could talk to and then they could talk to him? Like school counselors, friends, a pastor, or anyone like that?</p>
<p>Sounds like a father who loves you and is trying to protect you. It also sounds like you are a typical teen who rebels at parental controls. It could be better, it could be worse. You seem to have average grades for a college bound student- not spectacular. </p>
<p>There is no way anyone can prevent you from growing up. Physically your body just does it and socially, mentally, emotionally YOU are in charge of your behavior. Maturity can come from learning how to deal successfully with adversity. In your case it can mean learning how to cope with your life and yet learn things so you are ready for life beyond HS. Being a grown up doesn’t mean always getting to do what you want, btw.</p>
<p>No one’s childhood is perfect. Show your father your maturity in your choices. Get the best grades that you can, even if you dislike the classes. Do you have other relatives, such as aunts, uncles or grandparents to talk to about when you should be allowed to do things? </p>
<p>My problems with some of the same things involved finances. Couldn’t afford clothes. Had trouble learning the stick shift on our old car. Had limited funds for activities. You aren’t the only girl in HS who is not dressing like she wants to, or doing things she wants to. </p>
<p>Advice from other posters- listen to it. Discuss college opportunities with your guidance counselor to be sure you come up with realistic choices for your interests, abilities and future work. Use the “it takes a village” principle to add mentors.</p>
<p>@intparent: Well my parents are divorced and my dad has full custody over me and my brothers. She has her own life. Thank you for the reply! Well I don’t have a bad relationship with my dad, I actually have a pretty good relationship with him. He just doesn’t want me to grow up and stay “daddy’s little girl” forever. I’m sure my dad wouldn’t mind if I took out loans to pay off college and I’m sure he would at least help pay for my living expenses. </p>
<p>He’s not really against my major/career choice. He would just say that he doesn’t know anyone that’s an animator and that’s how he says. He’s just against my college of coice is because of the distance from Baltimore to Manhattan or any other city which is only 1-3 hours depending on what kind of transportation you’ll use. I’m not really too concerned or frustrated about the driving thing, I just want to get my license before I graduate from college. I’m sure he’ll learn to accept my decisions as tme passes or if I prove it to him. Once again, thank you for your feedback! :)</p>
<p>@Naturally: No, I can’t live with my mom. My dad has full custody of me and there would be no point into living with her since I’m about to be an adult. 
Yes, there are people that I can talk to and/or could talk to him. I would usually talk to my father’s dad about it and he fully supports my decision and he’ll explain why he’s like this and stuff. He just doesn’t want me to grow up but he’ll learn to accept my decisions as time passes. Thank you for your feedback! :)</p>
<p>@wis75: I have never seriously rebel against parental controls…I wouldn’t even think of it. It can be just a bit overbearing sometimes that you can’t even have a choice to pick out something that you’ll really like to do or say. Yes, I know that my dad loves and cares about me and I appreciate it but I just feel like it would be nice to make my own decisions.</p>
<p>People can prevent someone from growing up mentally and emotionally but not phsically of course. Being told what to do, how to do it, and/or being taken cared for and sheltered from the world isn’t the best way to get your child ready for life…although I believe that most parents would want the best for their children and keep them from the bad things of the world. I would rather pay and try to acheive my dreams than to do what my dad tells me to do and go the cheapest way out. I would regret it if I didn’t. Yes, there are people such as my guidance counselor, my grandfather, friends, and other family members who I can talk to and listen to me and help with talking with my dad. A few weeks ago, my dad did say that I could just transfer out in my junior year to my first choice college. Not that it isn’t a bad plan but for one, my first choice college lets me declare and work on my major in my freshmen year and 2, what’s the point of going to a college close by (besides for financial reasons) when you plan on transferring out of the place in the first place?</p>
<p>I really like it on how you shared a little bit of your personal experiences with my situation and thank you for your feedback! I really appreciate it! :)</p>
<p>My niece went to School of Visual Arts for a couple of years. It is extremely expensive. Did you use the Net Price Calculator on SVA’s website to see if you could afford to go there?</p>
<p>What are you doing now to further your career plans? Are you taking AP Art? Would your intended college require a portfolio and/or a demo reel?</p>
<p>You should look into other schools besides SVA. Perhaps there are good schools out there that would be more likely to give you scholarships. I think any visual art major (like musical theater) is “iffy” enough in employment prospects that taking out loans to finance your education is not a good idea. Your dad probably knows this already.</p>
<p>MY advice is for you to research colleges, learn about the FAFSA, and present your father not with your “dream” to attend one expensive school, but a PLAN to apply to many and select the best, most affordable option. He has to let go of you some time, but it will be easier if he has confidence in you and the viability of your plan.</p>
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<p>Schools do not care about that at all. The ones who want both parent’s financial information STILL want your mom’s input and expect her to contribute to your education. Now, that is not all colleges… you can usually tell by carefully reading the financial aid website at each college. Those that ask for the CSS profile or say they have a non-custodial parent form are the ones that will want this.</p>
<p>I am having trouble telling what you want from your posts… are you just looking to vent about clothes, driving, etc? Or do you want help in figuring out your college search and how to get your dad on board with it? You don’t seem to be responding to the repeated suggestions about running the net price calculator for the colleges you might be interested in… Mommusic is right about learning more about financial aid, choosing several colleges to discuss with your dad, and running the calculators with his help. He may veto some due to cost, safety concerns, etc. (as many of us parents on College Confidential have done in the past!)… that is why you should research and come up with a list of 5 or 6 to discuss with him.</p>
<p>You should look at this thread:</p>
<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/visual-arts-film-majors/244504-traditional-animation-vs-digital-animation.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/visual-arts-film-majors/244504-traditional-animation-vs-digital-animation.html</a></p>
<p>The conclusion seems to be that there is increasing worldwide demand for digital animators, and very little for traditional animation. Unless you are extremely skilled and willing to carve out your own career path, you might want to rethink your intended major.</p>
<p>I do have other choices of course (BYU, Pratt, RIT, etc.) and I have tried the net price calculator. I mean my dad can afford it, he’s just worried about my safety. I just want my dad to be on board on the college search rather then going the cheapest way out which is just me going to a local college that doesn’t have my intended major.</p>
<p>To Kylakyla – That’s a lot of stuff. Like Naturally said, perhaps a school counselor who can recommend a family counselor? Assuming your Dad won’t freak out.</p>