<p>Its a long story but I felt like venting on here anyway. My parents recently got divorced, which I have posted about before and my dad moved out this past Sunday and has been living with his new g/f, who I have not met. He has been keeping her a secret and they have been dating for about 8 months even though he told my sister and I that he and she are just friends. Today, I decided to call the # that was left by my dad, to her his g/f voice, I didn’t want to talk to her, I just wanted to see what she sounded like. Anyway, as soon as she said hello, I hung up, immature I know but I really didn’t want to talk to her. So about 15 minutes later she calls back and leaves a very patronizing message saying how I should not of hung up on her. Then my dad called about an hour later, and I told him how much it upset me that he lied to me about his g/f and then he proceeded to tell me that he was going to tell me in a month, which is a ******** excuse and that I was rude to hangup on her. Anyway, I told him how his g/f left a very rude message and I was very upset b/c of a whole bunch of other things as well. Then later the night, I call my dad to apoligize for what I said about his g/f because I felt bad. So I called his g/f and she picked up and I asked her politely “hello, is xyz there?” to which she replies rudely “who is this?” and I respond, “im abc, xyz’s daughter, may I please speak to him?” Then she proceeds to yell at me saying how rude I am for hanging up on her and If her kids did that she would kick their ass and started saying all this rude stuff and then all I kept saying was that I wanted to speak to my father and then she started cursing me out telling me that she was going to kick my ass. (keep in mind I am 17, she is 40!) Anyway, then she hung up on me, and I called back asking to speak to my father and she refused to let me speak to him and she kept threatening me. Then I must admit I got rude because she is very trashy and tacky and speakes terribly, and I told her how its not my fault she was dating my dad while they were married. She kept cursing me out and then my mom took the phone and she cursed my mom out and hung up. So then I called back to leave a message and she told me I needed a psychiatrist and that my mother raised two bums (meaning my sister and I). Oh by the way she is 40 and has 6 kids, and had her first one at 15, which says something and has been married a couple of times. So then about 1/2 hour later her 25 yr old daughter calls!!! saying that her mother called her and said that I was disrespecting her! and then I told her what really happened and she believed me and she told me she would tell my dad to call me. I basically told her I had to go because the situation was too ridiculus. Then at about 10:45pm my dad calls, and I asked him did he hear everything she said and he said yes and then he refused to talk about it all he said was “I know, I know, lets just put this aside” That’s what really hurt me, his g/f threatened me and he is basically taking her side. He’s taking his g/f of 8 months over his daughter of 17 years. I am so mad at him, I hate her she is disgusting she is the type of person that my family would not associate with. I don’t know why he is with her he is well off my mother had to pay him half the value of our house which was $800,000, so he can afford an apartment. Anyway, basically he is choosing her over me which is sick and it feels like he is stabbing me in the heart. Anyway, I just wanted to vent, oh yea she threatened me repeatedly and said she’d call the cops on me. She is absolutely crazy. I just wanted to add that my dad is coming over tommorow to pick something up and I don’t know what I am going to say to him because I am so angry at him for picking his g/f over me.</p>
<p>i say disown your father.</p>
<p>I’m sorry :(</p>
<p>Call the cops on her first. Tell them she threatened to kick your ass. And even better if you had the whole conversation recorded on your ipod. Next time you call her house, do that. Record the whole thing, and the minute she says something threatening have your mom call the cops on her and get a restraining order.</p>
<p>It’s illegal in most states to record someone without their consent. </p>
<p>Don’t speak to your father. Ignore him. Wait a couple of months/years and he’ll break up with her and go back to you.</p>
<p>Threaten her back. :o</p>
<p>I don’t have anything better to offer, but I don’t think you should listen to any of the advice so far.</p>
<p>“half the value of our house which was $800,000”</p>
<p>What does your dad do that makes that kinda money and gets him in such nasty company?</p>
<p>^ That’s what I’m wondering she is this complete trailer trash ugh too many bad words to explain her. The thing is a love my dad a lot and I hate being angry at him, but then again I feel like I don’t really know him. My theory is that he is sponging off of her despite all the money he is, which is what he kind of did to my mother. Supposedly they met at a seminar and became friends and then dated. The whole experience feels surreal as if it didn’t happen (i wish) but its not going to go away and when I had that final convo with my dad I felt like he was a completely different person, then what he was two days ago. She is disgusting she she is so unarticulated, rude and ghetto trash. It’s odd b/c my dad was always somewhat racist, yet he is dating someone that he used to be racist toward? It doesn’t make sense. I don’t want to isolate my dad but I hate her w/ all my guts, I spent 3 hours crying today b/c of her. I think he is just using her.</p>
<p>^^^ That’s what I was wondering. Dad and his g/f sound like trailer park material so as soon as I saw the home value I looked at the location, CA I figured, well NY is close enough in the home-value sweepstakes… </p>
<p>Maybe Mom earned all the money? Maybe money isn’t really a proxy for class like we think?</p>
<p>LOL Softball are we on some kind of wavelength here??</p>
<p>Oh, and my advice now. Focus on you, not on your dad, and not on his g/f. </p>
<p>Take care of yourself, and sometimes maybe even distract yourself by doing other things. Your dad’s in a fog and it will lift eventually. Just try not to make things worse for you or for him. You will survive this.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about your dad’s apparently poor choice of a girlfriend. However, what you can do is maintain a relationship with your dad because doing so will help you get things like go to college. We see a lot of students posting here who are concerned about college because they are estranged from their fathers, who refuse to pay. Meanwhile, the students don’t qualify for need-based aid because their fathers have money and the colleges won’t give students need-based aid just because their parents refuse to pay for college.</p>
<p>My advice is to start seeing a psychologist or social worker who’s experienced with working with teens from divorced families. That will give you support and a place to vent. You are understandably angry and hurt. Seeing a therapist will give you a way to get the support you need while not burning bridges with your dad.</p>
<p>Your situation is very painful, and I wish you the best.</p>
<p>My parents are divorced, too.</p>
<p>My mom has been going out with this person that she met in HS for about five years. One day I just came back from my dad’s and he and his son were living with us. Keep in mind this was a COMPLETE stranger and I never spoke to him in my life. He moved out and moved back in a few times because they’d break up every month or two. About a year ago, he cheated n my mom with two women from Lousiana and Pennsylvania. He travels for work because he’s some sort of craftsman or something. My mom took him back after a few weeks and then about a month later it turned out that he was still talking to BOTH of the girls. Two days later, my mom got back together with him and he moved in AGAIN. Now he’s been living in my house off and on for the past four months. They’ve been breaking up and getting back together every two weeks or so now.</p>
<p>It’s ridiculous. People in junior high don’t even do this crap. The guy smells like **** and he spits on the floor in my house and in my yard all the time and even in the SHOWER. That’s what I wake up too every morning when he takes a shower… that disgusting sound of him coughing up god knows what and spitting it in my shower. He pees on the seat and burps and farts all the time. He’s so immature. He reads slower than anyone I know. I think he’s really mentally ■■■■■■■■.</p>
<p>Then last night my mom was making dinner and she said it would be done in an hour so I got a yogurt out of the refrigerator and he’s like, “You humiliate us!” I can’t believe he had the nerve to say that. So I just blew up on him and told him that he smells like **** and needs to stop spitting in my shower and he has the mind of a two year old.</p>
<p>Just the way he talks I think his mind is like… messed up. Yeah, because I get a yogurt out of the refrigeration I’m SOO humiliating. wth…</p>
<p>That’s my rant of the day. :)</p>
<p>Wow. I thought my friend had it bad. Cheating is a really bad thing to do . To softball I would stick with your mom, support her and be loyal to her. Ur dad is lost in his own private idaho and really sitting in the 7th circle of hell. This woman knowingly cheated with your dad, she is not for a family at all. WOmen and men who cheat are not pro kids or family. Love your dad but tell him what you think an dfeel about his actions. Too many people don’t hold the cheaters accountable. Take care of yourself and your mom. YOur dad has already seeen fit to take care of his self at the expense of everyone else. YOu can’t possibly suck up to this woman to keep your dad. YOur dad and this woman - this infantile relationship they have is a losing one - you can just tell your dad that you love him, that you will see him but you will never support what he did and you are not going to be spending time with this woman - I mean she helped break your family apart - you don’t have to be rude but by no means areyou obligated to be friends with or support such deceitful behaviour and plus it is cruel. My friends dad did this and my friend and her sister sat their dad down and said basically “you blow dad. It’s either her or us. You can’t have both. Figure out your stuff the right and honesdt way.” They meant what they said. They loved him enough to draw the line. He came home in two months and he and their mom worked together and the stayed married. They are older now, and their dad told them last year that he was GLAD they gave him an ultimatium. He was through his problems and glad he had not ruined his marriage and their lives to boot. He was proud of them for having courage and integrity. You know that if you were married and did the crap these dad’s are doing, he would kick your buhookie. Big time. Everyone knows it is WRONG to cheat.</p>
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<p>Then the government apparently thinks it’s above the law.</p>
<p>The government=federal law. It’s the state laws that prevent it. </p>
<p>The government does it with the pretext of National Security. I’m sure that if you taped a terrorist meeting or something they wouldn’t care. It’s one thing to record something of high importance in terms of security or something like that, but it’s something else entirely to record your stepmother yelling at you.</p>
<p>To peices of advice:</p>
<p>To softball:</p>
<p>Your dad has essentially thrown his personal relationships away. You have to bring yourself to isolate this guy from your life and just totally forget about him. I will entail breaking the empathetic part of your brain, but you just have to do it. You don’t wanna grow up with daddy issues all the time. If you get rid of him now, when he comes crawling back in 20 years you can just kick him off of your doorstep again.</p>
<p>It’s stories like these that really make me think that religion can be extremely beneficial. Maybe you should visit your local religious place to get advice and spiritual strength. (Disclaimer, I’m not religious)</p>
<p>To Jonathan:</p>
<p>You need to beat that guy’s ass bigtime. Chances are he is too stupid/poor to hire a good lawyer, and you could probably get away with it.</p>
<p>Next time you see **** on the seat, wait for him to go into the bathroom again. Wait for him to finish peeing. Grab his head, and push it down into the toilet. Soak his hair in urine so that he smells his own **** for a week. This is called punishment. Tell him that this is YOUR house, and if he doesn’t like the rules, he can GET OUT.</p>
<p>The next time he spits all over the floor, trip him and spit on him multiple times. Spit all over his hair so that he smells your saliva for a week. Tell him that this is YOUR house, and if he doesn’t like the rules, he can GET OUT.</p>
<p>The next time he acts ■■■■■■■■ after your mom breaks up with him, take a gallon of milk or something that will stain and drench him in it. Tell him he might as well start a food fight in the elementary school cafeteria while he is at it. Oh, and don’t forget, tell him that this is YOUR house, and if he doesn’t like the rules, he can GET OUT.</p>
<p>You need to set some rules as far as the house goes. You need to tell him that he is a foreigner on your property. He has no rights, no ability to protest and complain, and most of all he cannot act like an unskilled ass off of the street. You need to lay down the rule of law, and to do it you need to scare this guy off and totally isolate him from your mom, who is clearly stuck in 2nd grade. Make this guy extremely mad. Get him so worked up that he will never come back to the house. And if he doesn’t like it, he can SHUT his mouth and GET OUT.</p>
<p>When you tell him to GET OUT, do it a la Rush Limbaugh. (Watch this video):<a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUe7tGLUM64[/url]”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUe7tGLUM64</a></p>
<p>To Ilovesoftball44: I would do 2 things: a) get a counselor or psychiatrist right now who can talk you through some of this stuff; b) immediately put a lot of distance between your dad and you. If he asks you why you are doing so, tell him “I love you dad, but your girlfriend is so destructive that it’s pretty clear at least for the coming months or however long you go out with her that it’s going to be her or me for you. I am not trying to ruin our relationship, i am leaving you free to do what you need to or want to do. But I can’t be close to you when she’s involved.” Ilovesoftball44: you might offer to him that if he wants to spend time with you and/or your sister that it be alone, away from his girlfriend. </p>
<p>Be prepared to be hurt. And angry. If you can stomach it, give your dad some slack for just a few months at any rate. He may just be going through a turbulent time for a bit and will straighten out. Another thing: do not fight your mother’s battles. Your father cheated on your mother and you have every right to be and should be angry about that. But make sure its your own anger, not your mother’s that you express to him.</p>
<p>Try not to close the door on your dad completely, if that is possible, but respect yourself enough to have nothing whatsoever to do with his new girlfriend who sounds like a complete disaster.</p>
<p>But remember what I said. First get a counselor.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard for you guys to believe when you are living in such sad conditions, but these things DO pass, and the parents usually end up “seeing the light” which means, they come to realize that their kids are so much more important than these “significant others” and they end up doing the right thing. Try to have patience and wait it out…But maintain your dignity ALWAYS despite what the adults may say or do.</p>