<p>I have to agree with finding a therapist. Do look for someone who specializes in work with teens and is not phased by their behavior. Dd had some problems in school, which began with her desire to stand up to bullies for her friends. Unfortunately she took the blame and she spiraled down. This continued for a few years, until we found her self-medicating (very bad). We looked and looked, and finally found a therapist who stayed eye to eye with her. Totally quiet session upon session (she was not going to participate), anger, rolling eyes–you can imagine. But slowly she came around. She is now stronger, more confident, found to need meds for depression, and, as the school puts it, one of only a handful of students who was able to turn around, and has become one of their very best success stories. They had nothing to do with it. It was therapy, it was medicine, it was the constancy of our staying the course with her thru thick and thin. It was tough, but she made it thru.</p>
<p>There you go she is negative therefore no one wants to be around her. Which ultimately results in her believing everyone is a loser. I would be swift to change her outlook on others and life in general. From what you have told us a good friend she can talk to or maybe your interaction may help mend her attitude. Also her grades will continue to fall and she will eventually give up if she has no ambition. I know you are trying to be the best mom you can be but she needs you now please act fast before it is too late</p>
<p>I think her attitude is just a shell that she uses to protect herself in situations where she feels insecure and/or frightened. She is probably depressed and lonely and needs help dealing with the abuse she has endured. I would get her into counseling ASAP if she were my child.
I have no expertise in this area, just giving my opinion as a mother.</p>
<p>Even though the bully is gone, it sounds like he did real damage to your daughter and that it is affecting her life, her self esteem, the way she sees the world. Her whole hostile attitude seems to indicate that she doesn’t feel safe, even now. She is angry and fearful of people, thinking that maybe she’ll get targeted again; fearful that maybe she already is being targeted, starting to be afraid even to the point of paranoia. Running from school to school won’t help, as you have concluded. You can’t hide from yourself. I agree that your D needs to talk to a professional in order to help her get back control of her life, and to learn how to trust people again so that she can develop friendships and feel accepted as a good person who deserved better than she got at the hands of a nasty and destructive person.</p>
<p>If she is fine in sports,music, volunteering, babysitting and with teachers, but still has the problems you shared with us, she still has issues that would benefit from the right outside help. </p>
<p>Maybe this really is just a long adjustment period after scares and disappointments. Who knows? But this is an important period in her life. Someone convinced me when they said, “if she had allergies, you wouldn’t make her suffer.” Mine had three wheels on the rails, but that comment convinced me how important it was to deal with that fourth one.
Best wishes.</p>
<p>Honestly, this sounds alarmingly like a very dear friend of mine who has had mental health issues that began at your D’s age. Bullying was a part if it, but the issues were always there. Bullying just brought it all to the forefront. She also had a terrible time in school and never felt she fit in. She also was, at times, able to work. But beyond the surface, she was in deep trouble. She is now 40 something and has never really been independent. She has finally only recently, found the right mix of meds, therapy and family support. She also knows, finally, what mental health issues she’s dealing with-and there are several. She has described very similar situations as your D’s rages and other actions.</p>
<p>PLEASE look into therapy ASAP, and keep looking until you find one you like and trust. Set it up so that you meet with with the therapist either with or without your D. Your D sounds depressed, at the least, as well as having continued issues over the bullying and stalking. Her giftedness is likely to give her some level of ability to hide the worst of her issues as well as give her some measure if disdain for those she considers less intelligent. A good therapist will catch on to that.</p>
<p>Good luck. I hope she gets to a safe enough feeling place soon that she gets stable.</p>
<p>And if you wait, after 18, you may not have the chance to meet with the therapist, once his or her professional relationship with your daughter begins. Or even get updates. Unless she gives permission.</p>
<p>In some states, that age is 13. Just to prepare you…but family therapy may be an option as well.</p>
<p>Maybe consult with Jon Lovitz and PLA.</p>
<p>Think seriously about therapy for your D and soon. Your alarms are going off for good reason. She does great at volunteer work and things which she truly enjoys where the stress level is low, in fact it is a stress reliever. She gets along with outside people and unleashes on you (the unfortunate release valve). She’s managing but I would guess within a year you’ll hit a more critical point as shown by her already slipping grades.<br>
IF there is a problem such as depression (especially if it is determined she needs meds of any kind) it won’t get better. The last thing you want is to wait until she’s about to go to college and she’s out of your care.</p>
<p>so sorry for your troubles. I agree with the other posters that your daughter needs professional help. Even if she is not diagnosed with anything, it will be an outlet for your daughter to talk to someone neutral and try to resolve her issues. As a parent, we often get into these fruitless, circuitous conversations, trying to reason and help them think logically. I think it sounds like no matter what you say, your daughter will have a retort. Perhaps its her way of getting you engaged or getting your attention. Perhaps its her way of unconsciously getting back at you for what she went through earlier on. Whatever it is, she needs to see someone asap. Don’t wait or it might get worse. Good luck.</p>