Oh, @emsmom - what upsetting news! I hope the diagnosis is wrong. Everyone’s already said what’s true, we do what we can and we make the best decisions we can out of love for our children. None of us are perfect and none of us know which decisions we make today will look unwise tomorrow. My only advice would be to urge you to take this wake up call as the first step towards healing your relationship. Tell your daughter honestly how sorry you are to have built barriers between you two with your focus on college, tell her how much you love her and treasure the time you have with her now whether it’s during stormy weather or calm. I’ve read so many times about people who only began to “live” and truly appreciate their lives after a major medical event. Most of us live our lives in a blinding fog. The perspective you have now is precious, hold on to it.
Thank you for reminding us to keep things in perspective. I will keep your daughter in my prayers.
All you can do at any one moment in time is your best, and what you thought was best for your daughter was best at that time. Today is a new day and you need to focus on different things. Try to live in the moment. Enjoy your daughter and don’t look back at the past. Love and enjoy your daughter today.
I’m sure you are covering all the bases, but I’d have a neurologist take a look at your D also. Check to see if she’s actually had any strokes/run a brain MRI.
You are a good mom and want the best for her. Always.
I am so sorry, this must be a horrible shock. I hope the days ahead provide clarity for you and your family, and wisdom for your doctors.
The mistakes we make are real, and I won’t minimize your regret and pain by saying it’s okay. We all wish for do overs, and no amount of fresh perspective will make the pain of regret subside right now. Hang in there. Some of this is just shock. It will get easier to bear.
Surround yourself with people who are willing to share your anger, grief, and confusion but also your victories and perspective. Cast aside the know it alls and the ambulance chasers. Don’t give up hope, and don’t take #%<|** from doctors. Get the answers you need, explanations you want. Our best wishes are sent to you. From people who have been living on the “after” side of before/after for 16 yrs.
As others have stated- don’t be hard on yourself. You gave her your best parenting and ALL parents will have do-over thoughts. Consider this- you treated as a normal child and gave her that upbringing. If you had know years ago what you now/will know- would you have done any better? No, you likely would have been scared and not let her do all sorts of things, have had all sorts of normal experiences. You know now and can adjust expectations, just like all we parents do when we discover the path they choose (or life hands them) is not what we expected. This is the real world.
I’m so sorry.
This is devastating news, and you are allowed to be devastated. And angry. And sad. And fearful. And hopeful. And loving.
And you’re allowed to wish you had had a crystal ball and knew the future, so you could have eased up on your daughter.
As you and your daughter try to figure out the best way forward, be easy on yourselves.
I’m so sorry. As others have said I think all parents have regrets about one thing or another.
Chiming in with others to send my best wishes and support.
Regret is a most unhelpful and potentially damaging emotion.
Your daughter and the rest of your family and your friends need you to be healthy and well too, so you can continue to do good in this world.
Have you gotten yourself a good therapist yet? Oxygen mask. You. This is important!
Hugs!
I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s hard not to have regret for things in the past, but moving forward is all we have. My D was in a serious car accident two years ago, breaking her spine. While she is now miraculously mobile and not paralyzed, it really changes your perspective on your dreams and hopes for your kids. Wishing you and your D strength and hope.