<p>Here’s my essay idea. I would try my best to give it a hopeful and insightful vibe rather than a depressing one:</p>
<p>I attempt to write something compelling about being a loner who doesn’t want to be a loner but is one nonetheless. I was thinking I could try to explain how I sit in a classroom working on homework or doodling at lunch break, by myself, and why the other people in that same room, and the people in other rooms, and the people sitting outside by themselves, who are doing exactly the same, are doing so, and about why we don’t attempt to be friends with each other or anybody else at school, even though all of us (unless one or more is a true introvert) are probably feeling the same way (lonely). I’d end the essay with a possibly cheesy (but very true) account of my desire to change once I am in a new school and a new place. Not a desire to start being fake in a different way that would enable me to have a hundred friends who I didn’t know, but a desire to try to combat every social wall that presents itself and tries to interrupt my natural ways. In other words, to try to “be myself” as much as possible.</p>
<p>I don’t know about it though… I think maybe the average admissions essay reader wouldn’t be the type to understand the topic (or find it interesting and intelligent, rather than depressing, even if I try not for it to have that vibe). And it wouldn’t really say why I was a good candidate for acceptance, I guess…</p>
<p>I don’t know… I can’t think of a super interesting little moment of my life that I can reflect upon and explain myself in the process. This is what I can think of: Ten years of being an actor playing a boring role for 180 days of school per year. The role of a guy who only talks when forced to. The role of a guy who tries hard not to blush when somebody says “OH MY GOD HE TALKED THAT’S LIKE THE FIRST TIME I EVER HEARD HIM TALK,” but of course, makes no reply. He tries not to blush because he’s content without friends. Yeah - he’s fine being a loner. That’s my part: Guy who very rarely speaks. Never cusses or expresses a strong opinion when he does. Is content without friends. Gotta pretend you’re the “in your own world” type to pull that off. </p>
<p>But really who is he? He’s freaking lonely. He wants a friend. He thinks every night, before going to bed, about what he would have done that day if he wasn’t in a shell so thick… Who at his school would he have liked to be friends with? What girls might he have tried to ask on a date? What people would he argue with?</p>
<p>But he’s also not depressed, and not hopeless. He has no regrets, because he likes who he is… this product of so many years of something bad is something he thinks is really good, and he is looking forward to his future very much.</p>
<p>Kind of got in the zone right there, I guess I’ll be lucky if anyone reads beyond two sentences.</p>