<p>hello everybody.</p>
<p>I am chiming in today to unload myself a little bit.</p>
<p>Do you know a children’s story about a barber and a king with donkey’s years? </p>
<p>Those who don’t know the story is, a king has donkey’s ears, and the only person who knew the secret was his barber, who was told to keep it quiet or else be killed.</p>
<p>The barber held it as a secret for a long time, but it was such a burden and he had to unload himself somehow. So he would go at night to a reed field, and shout “The king has donkey’s ears”. Comes fall, and some village kids made a flute out of the reed from the field, and when they try to play the flute, it would shout “the King has donkey’s ears” (a bit of a variation depending on which version).</p>
<p>Anyway, I feel like this barber. I have to share a secret with you. Don’t tell my husband.</p>
<p>Last six months, I have been planning and executing on the plan to throw a surprise birthday party for my husband. This is SO unlike me to do anything so conventional, he has no idea that I would be capable of scheming anything like this. I am the kind of a woman who is totally blaze about the idea of celebrating anniversaries, birthdays, or commercial Hallmark type events if you know what I mean. We got married in a courthouse, and spent $100 to take out a few fellow graduate students for lunch to mark the occasion (that was 26 years ago, and you could have a nice lunch for 10 on campus with that kind of money). </p>
<p>Besides, I have it on writing that if my H ever spring anything like this on me, that would be a ground for divorce. But, HE does not have this in writing, so, here we go.</p>
<p>Last year was a tough one for him also. I believe it’s much tougher for a spouse than the patient herself. The patient gets to be the center stage primary character with all the care and attention. The spouse’s role is much rougher but thankless. So, I wanted to do this for him. I planned last September since I was inviting international guests and they needed much longer “warning”. Then I meticulously collected email addresses one at a time for all meaningful people in his life - from the graduate school, his family overseas, his previous jobs, etc. </p>
<p>The whole thing was like a spy operation. I couldn’t just tell him "give me email addresses for XYZ from your days at Bell Labs, etc. That would look very suspicious. I had to “casually” inquire “Oh, do you remember so and so? Are you still in touch with him? Um… I wonder how they are doing after all these years”. And this had to be done VERY infrequently not to rouse his suspicion. I had to contact long lost friends and professional colleagues to ask them about who I should invite: I don’t know all the important characters from his past. The spy operation went on for months before I managed to get a complete list of people I should invite. Then, of course, there was an issue of paying for the party since I am doing it at a local hotel banquet hall. We share all credit card accounts, and everything is in joint account. I had to recruit my S1 to pay the deposit from his own individual account not traceable to my H. Now, I have to pay $12K three days before the party, and I don’t know yet how I am going to manage this without triggering an electronic notification for that kind of money transfer - I will figure out something…</p>
<p>It’s not going to be on his actual birthday. I had to shoot for a weekend when my two kids spring breaks overlap. </p>
<p>All in all, it would be much easier if I were to have an affair or have a gigolo on a payroll :)</p>
<p>Since I started this plan, I had a cancer recurrence, a failed clinical trial, and non stop chemo. But I am really glad that in a few weeks, I will have this occasion. It will be such a happy event. There will be 80 people from various junctions of his life. If my current treatment indeed continues to work, the actual party date will be a few days after my last treatment (I hope this will be the case!). </p>
<p>Hugh… you are my cyber reed field. I am so relieved to get it off my chest. You have no idea how difficult it has been for me to keep this kind of a monumental secret from him. We share everything. We tell each other when we barf, sneeze, cough, and perform some other bodily functions of more cathartic nature :)</p>
<p>Do NOT tell my H!</p>
<p>Thanks for listening.</p>
