my essay is egotistic? (help - 150 words)

<p>I just finished my 150 word EC essay for the common app. The comment I got was that it was very egotistic about my involvement in my activity.</p>

<p>I don’t want to come off that way at all! :(</p>

<p>I’d really appreciate some readers to tell me what they think, and if my passion came through.</p>

<p>thanks!</p>