my final essay... come check it out.

Ive posted this essay before. But I finally completed it and edited it… and its been sent to Stanford EA. But if anyone has any suggestions:

“Wang Yu, guo lai, ni de qi yi ge ming zi!” my aunt screamed at me from two rooms over.
My time had arrived. I ran into the room where everyone was waiting.
All of a sudden, the room erupted in cacophony. Mandarin Chinese and heavily accented English filled the room. After twenty minutes of this madness, I heard that my cousins had chosen Kathy and William as their new American identities.
I stood there, too young to be wondering if I was going to assume a similar identity. Instead, like every other six year old, I was thinking about cartoons. G.I. Joe, Tom and Jerry, and many generic Chinese cartoons were at the top of my head. However, instead of asking for Tom, Jerry, or Joe, I asked for my favorite cartoon character, Rai ke, which was the American name Rick with a heavy Chinese accent. My auntie opened the English dictionary and searched for “Rai ke.” Not surprisingly, that was not to be found. So, she started to look through the dictionary, searching for similar-sounding names.
After using the Chinese Ping Yin spelling and much searching through the dictionary for something with a “ke” or a similar ending, my auntie read the name “Lake.” Since I was only six, I immediately became attracted to anything that was remotely related to what I wanted. My auntie, tired of looking through the dictionary, asked me if I would like to take “Lake.” I was thrilled to be named “Lake”. It was only a day later that I found the meaning of lake: “a body of water, bigger than a pond, smaller than a sea.”
On my first day of school, I realized that perhaps I should have made a different decision. Not only was I unable to speak English, but I was also named after a very large puddle of water. Remarks like “Lake Tahoe” or “River” or questions like “Is your brother or sister called River?” filled my elementary and middle school years. I felt so ashamed of who I was that for several years during middle school, I even thought about changing my name. I wanted to be able to speak perfect English, celebrate Christmas under a glowing tree, eat bagels for lunch and have a typical American name; essentially, I wanted to be American.
As I grew older, I began to enjoy the way people often couldn’t figure out what to expect from me. Perhaps it was also because I learned to enjoy my own unique culture more, that I felt like I no longer needed to assimilate into the masses. For the first time in my life, I enjoyed eating “long-life” noodles, wearing red underwear on my birthdays, and having random good luck charms in my house. I found that I was no longer ashamed of these things as I had been before. I started to look at things not only from the perspective of an American, but as a Chinese and an immigrant as well. I have to thank “Lake” for much of this realization. “Lake” allowed me to keep my own unique identity by preventing me from simply assimilating into American society, where I might have lost my self-identity. When all is said and done, I will eventually forget the jokes and alienation that “Lake” had brought me when I was a child, but I will never forget the way “Lake” has kept my identity as an immigrant and most importantly, as a Chinese-American.

<p>What EXACTLY are you trying to say about yourself here?</p>

<p>Overall, I think it's good. If 10 is the best, then it's a 7.5</p>

<p>Man, Quit Trying To Tell A Story And Just List The Facts. Nobody Wants To Read An Essay That Is Too Wordy And Too Complicated</p>

<p>EncomiumII - I'm simply saying that my name helped keep me as an individual and not assimilated into the general American society.
"When all is said and done, I will eventually forget the jokes and alienation that “Lake” had brought me when I was a child, but I will never forget the way “Lake” has kept my identity as an immigrant and most importantly, as a Chinese-American."</p>

<p>gatechboy- uhh... ok.</p>

<p>What was the prompt? I liked it, but I was wondering what in the hell the question was that you were attempting to answer.</p>

<p>gatechboy... I don't know where u got your essay advice from, but you're clearly wrong. It's way more interesting to tell a story than it is to stick to the facts.</p>

<p>and you're a bit slow, if you can't follow the story line.</p>

<p>discombobulated- this essay actually fits the topic for almsot everything. Im sending this to every single school ( HYPSM,Columbia,Penn) but i initially wrote it for Stanford - "What is something that someone said that is really meaningful to you?" and you can take it as either the first sentence, or the list of stuff the kids has said to me instead of Lake. and for HYP its just common app which is wide open. and Columbia is... i think overcoming a challenge or something.. and this fits. and penn is like an experience or wtvr. and it fits also. so it fits for everything.</p>

<p>Remember- essay prompts are wide open to how you want to answer it.</p>

<p>guo lai, ni de qi yi ge ming zi
correction: guo lai, ni dei* qu* yi ge ming zi
pretty boring and typical immigrant essay?</p>

<p>Well, I thought it was a pretty good essay overall, just change the hanyu pinyin as wukong pointed out. Basic chinese, my friend. But good job nonetheless.</p>

<p>People have gone through cancer, abuse, and other unusual circumstances and you're stressing over being named Lake.</p>

<p>i read your original one on the old board... and i thought it was a lot better. doesn't sound like you're making a mountain out of a molehill, and is a lot more personal..</p>