my first practice essay. please grade!

<p>topic: Do small events lead to catastrophes or are great events initiated by other causes?</p>

<p>mistakes and all:
“Big things come in small packages” is an applicable adage when considering causes and their effects. Although episodes may seem insignificant, these often overlooked encounters may prove catastrophic. Such episodes and their catastrophies are demonstrated in the novel Lolita, as well as in the sinking of the Titanic.
In Nabokov’s Lolita a man sexually obsessed with young girls takes a seemingly uninteresting teaching job position at a college. Upon taking this position the man, Humbert Humbert, finds a room to rent in the house of a widow. Unknown to Humbert, the widow has a young daughter whom Humbert immediately finds himself attracted to. This attraction is so great, Humbert end up plotting her mother’s murder, kidnapping the girl, using her as a sex slave, and eventually is convicted of a murder. It is incredible that Humbert’s simple action of taking a job would lead to his disturbing lifestyle and finally his incarceration.
Perhaps as horrible was the sinking of the beautiful ocean liner, the Titanic. Although awful because of the sheer number of passengers who died, its true tragedy lies in the completely avoidable mistake which caused the disaster. Before its maiden voyage in April of 1914, two sailors were in charge of stocking the crow’s nest with all necessities. Most unfortunately the two men forgot to pack binoculars. The ship’s fate seemed sealed as sson as it left the dock with the much needed seeing aids. Because the were unable to see the massive, impending iceberg without enough time to turn the boat, history was made in the middle of the cold Atlantic that night.
It is because of “meaningless” actions that tragedies occur. There is no way of predictiing which small decisions or mishaps will end up shaping our destinies, only that they most certainly do.</p>

<p>Short, intro is awkward. 6-7/12</p>

<p>thanks for reading! besides the intro and length, what do you think of the general writing skill?</p>

<p>Your writing and usage is good, just work on that intro :)</p>

<p>You’re easily capable of a 12/12, just keep working at it.</p>

<p>I would say the first example is kinda weak. Isn’t Humbert pretty pedo before he even moved to America? I remember him hiring underaged prostitutes back in Paris. So his moving in with Haze is not a major contributing factor of his lolicon-ness(if that’s a word…)</p>

<p>i don’t believe that they check the accuracy of the examples or give lower grades to people who use inaccurate examples…</p>

<p>i’d love just a few more opinions…</p>

<p>7-8. Too concise for me. Need a better intro, a better conclusion, and maybe one more short example.</p>

<p>I’m not sure I could’ve written even this much… I don’t like the topic. :(</p>

<p>I don’t like the first example. When I read the assignment the first thing on my mind is the causes of WWI and WWII, I’m surprised you didn’t write that. And the essay is short. I give you a 7.</p>