My first year at college challenged me in ways I never would have expected.

College Life
1

I really should be studying but I need a break.

So, I’m currently a freshman at Boston University. My major is Behavior and Health, which is a program designed to prepare one for graduate Occupational Therapy programs. My transition to college was wonderful, I made more friends that I’ve ever had in my life, loved my classes, felt smart and competent, and was probably the happiest I’d been since elementary school. I got a 3.85 GPA, things were stellar.

Then, second semester hit. I had a lot of free time first semester that made me anxious, so I decided to take on a lot more. I started volunteering in a research lab, got a second job, and joined a sports team. I greatly underestimated the challenge Anatomy would pose for me, and after the first test, which I did well on, I started to feel extremely overwhelmed. I was studying everyday for that class, seriously, but still not doing well on the succeeding tests. I felt incompetent and inferior to my peers, was crying ALOT, and felt extremely depressed.

Oh, but that’s just the beginning. One day, I was sitting in a class and people were talking about anatomy around me, and I just got very upset and emotional and started tearing up. This was a small seminar, about 20 people in the whole class. I was also supposed to make a presentation that day.

Earlier that day, news got out that a student, a freshman, committed suicide by jumping off the ninth floor of a building. I felt shocked and saddened but, BU being such a large school, never imagined that I would know the person. Well, during that class, my friend and roommate called me and then texted me to call her, saying it was urgent. I quickly asked to leave the room, called my friend, and she told me the news: it was our friend. I broke down and had my first public mental breakdown ever. It was arguably the worst day of my life. I don’t know what if I was only crying about my friend, or anatomy, or missing my brother, or feeling incompetent, or what. But I felt absolutely horrible. I had an anatomy test a few days later and didn’t do well, worsening my distress.

Three weeks later, I almost started to feel better. The school held a memorial for my friend, I went, felt a sense of closure, and wanted to finish the semester on a strong note. Then, literally the next day, I received an ominous text from my roommate, ran to my room (I had been on a run and legit sprinted a mile back), walked into the room and found she had attempted suicide. I went into such a furious rage. I screamed at her like I’ve never screamed at anyone in my entire life, yelling things like “was it beautiful to you!?!!” She ended up okay and is back now, but I still feel so angry at her and I can’t quite explain why. My group of friends seems broken, I’ll likely have to retake anatomy if I don’t perform well on the exam this week or my grade won’t be high enough for OT school, and I just feel pretty lost. BU is a great school, it really is, but I just can’t believe what this past month has been like. I mainly just needed to tell my story and get it off my chest.

I knew undergrad would be tough, but not in this way. I don’t even know what I’m more upset about, my roommate, my friend that’s gone, or my grades. I wish the best of luck to all of you entering college, but keep in mind the challenges you may face.

Thank you.

2

Sending hugs. That’s more than anyone should have to deal with in such a short span of time.

3

Oh, just to give you a sense of time, I found out about my friend’s death on March 31st. This has all taken place since then.

4

You need counseling. Immediately. Please go to the student health center tomorrow. You can’t deal with this by yourself. Is your roommate getting help? Keep in mind that she has some type of mental illness to try what she did. It’s not her fault.

I can relate. My nephew ended his life in August, and even in hindsight, nobody saw any signs. He would have turned 21 five days from now.

5

Meh, I’m a pretty self-sufficient person, my parents have been helpful, I’m dealing with it. I just want to go home and regroup.

6

Even the most self-sufficient person in the world can benefit from counseling.
Trust me, I’m speaking as someone who has been on my own, more or less, since high school. I have lost several friends to suicide. I highly, HIGHLY recommend counseling.

7

It just sucks because I never really got time to mourn him or deal with it, I just had to move on and start stressing about school, them my roommate did her thing, so I had to stress over that, then school was still going on, and all three of those things are huge stressors. Ugh, life. I just, man I thought life was difficult in high school.

8

Reread what you wrote. If this was someone else’s quote, would you honestly be able to say, “They’re dealing with it”? I don’t think so.

9

to be honest, I don’t really have time for counseling. My parents don’t like the idea of it and next semester I need to keep up with all my extracurriculars and work hard in physiology to try to reclaim myself as a competitive applicant for grad school. I just want people going into college to realize that it’s the beginning of being on your own in more ways than one.

10

Your health- mental and physical- MUST come before any and all other obligations. There is no point in school or ECs if you’re not healthy enough to participate in them.

And to be blunt, it’s not your parents’ health and they don’t live in your head. Whether they approve of it or not is really irrelevant unless they’re threatening to cut off funding or something.

I will elaborate a bit more. I am speaking as a PhD student who has battled physical and mental health problems since high school. You are essentially useless in your day-to-day and long-term endeavors if your body and mind aren’t up to par.

11

No really. Get counseling. Of course you have time for it. You don’t have time to NOT do it. And I’m sorry.

12

But I don’t really feel mentally unstable…could I be mentally unstable and not know it? Like I’ve had mental health issues before but I feel pretty solid right now @romanigypsyeyes

13

You don’t need to be mentally “unstable” to seek out counseling. And yes, it is entirely possible to be experiencing mental health problems and not realize it. One can often be numb after a series of tragedies like this.

Again, I recommend counseling even if you think you’re mentally healthy (and you may very well be!). This is a LOT for anyone to process let alone someone in their first year in college- a time of large changes and new challenges.

14

@Tkat97 I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, and that you are dealing with so much stress. Counseling would help :slight_smile: You are amazing! I hope your roomie gets some support over the summer as well.

15

Thanks both of you. But, just wondering, is this rare and strange or does this sort of thing happen to a lot of people during college? @romanigypsyeyes @dfin2013

16

Rare but certainly not unheard of. It’s rare to find anyone who isn’t touched by a suicide in some way, and sometimes that happens to be in college. Unfortunately, college is around the same age that many people start showing and/or experiencing symptoms of mental illness.

17

And in some ways it doesn’t really matter if your experience has been rare and strange. The important thing is that you have support in dealing with your emotions and reactions. You can do this!

18

I’m sorry for your loss OP. Hugs to you.

You sound like a very strong person and someone who likes staying busy. Keep in mind, however, that your classes may become increasingly difficult. Try not to take on too much. Maybe scale back and then add things gradually.

Grief and stress have a way of sneaking up on people. It’s better to be proactive and go to counseling now, even if you’re feeling ok. Your mental health and well being are more important than your extracurricular activities.

19

probably a good idea

20

@overtheedge^