<p>My d has been gone about five days, and since she left, she’s called us an average of 4 or 5 times a day. She’s not unhappy at all – in fact we’re surprised by how excited she seems to be about everything. But she’s calling for all sorts of reasons: to ask advice about a problem she had with her schedule; to tell us about a neat teacher she had; to ask for a phone number that we know she could easily have gotten elsewhere; and so on. </p>
<p>I don’t mind, really, esp. since our cell plan gives us unlimited calling within the network. But I worry that her constant connection may keep her from making connections at school. </p>
<p>Has anyone else had this experience? Is this normal in any way?</p>
<p>(My son, by contrast, didn’t call us for at least a week after he went off to school a few years ago and actually seemed to avoid our phone calls.)</p>
<p>I would not worry too much, especially if she sounds excited and happy. it is still the early days; the calls may drop off as school work and social activities pick up.</p>
<p>I would steer her to other resources for things she can get the answer for herself, in a gentle way of course.</p>
<p>Our D calls us at least nightly to fill us in on the day’s happenings. She has also called during the day when the voicemail quit working on her cellphone, when she couldn’t remember exactly how to do her laundry (although we went through all the particulars at home), etc. We see it as her just keeping the attachment that makes her most comfortable while she is trying to navigate this new world she is in. Kind of like ‘touching base’ when she feels the need. Maybe these calls are providing your D with a sense of security right now, thus allowing her to adjust as well as she has. If she seems happy, I personally don’t think they are doing any harm. I think as time goes on, those calls will get less and less. We found that with our older D.<br>
I read something once that said, “Let them hold on as long as they need to - it will prepare them to let go when they are ready”. (The original quote was more eloquent than that!). Many may not agree with that philosphy, but it seems to hold true with my kids.</p>
<p>both of my boys called a lot, emailed a lot and im’d a lot when they first went to school…both were a little blue, yet very excited about being at school…i remember telling one of them that for the first week or two, they couldn’t imagine themselves being so far away from home, and then the next week or two, they wouldn’t be able to imagine being home again…and that was about how it worked out. they were both a bit “needy” at first, but quickly came into their own in their new environments. i knew they had settled in and adjusted when the phone calls became less frequent…enjoy the moments now–be glad she’s happy!</p>
<p>My S has also called several times a day for the same types of reasons, as did his older brothers when they first left the nest. This one is my shy kid, so I’m actually relieved and excited to hear the upbeat tone in his voice when he talks about his day and kids he’s met, rather than me sitting here wondering if he is in his room alone and unhappy. As long as the calls are positive, I think it’s fine. The calls will lessen as time goes on, but my older boys have remained good communicators for which I am very thankful.</p>
<p>I think this is another manifestation of normal.</p>
<p>We aren’t big phone people, I think my kids are 2 of the few who missed out on the cell and text messaging craze, BUT, we are big e-mailers, and D IMed or e-mailed a couple of times a day through most of her first year. It gradually slowed down, and now we go for over a week, then have a barrage of e-mails over some nonsensical topic.</p>
<p>Its wierd, we get on the phone with her, and no one has anything to say, then we can start e-mailing a few hours later with lots to say.</p>
<p>Oh, this is perfectly normal for many kids. I have a friend whose son called her 6 times a day when he first left for college. Mine didn’t call much at first but as time went on called for various reasons or to ask about what to do in certain situations that arose. If your D sounds happy then all is fine. She may just miss the connection to you or is not sure about how to do some things that she has never had to do before. I’ll never forget when my son had to do his first load of laundry and getting the call on “what do I do again?” Too funny!</p>
<p>I think that its not only normal, its wonderful, to hear from them. The calls are perky, happy, silly, right? It’s only time to worry if they are complaining, whiny etc.</p>
<p>My D called a lot in her first year, but yet it was sporadic, like 5 calls one day, then nothing for the next 2 days, and it was usually silly stuff, like “hey mom, my friends think I’m really sarcastic and they can’t believe I got it from you, can you say something really sarcastic to Anna on the phone”. haha. Or the “I’m waiting for the bus and it’s freezing here, please tell me its cold there too”. I loved it. Every moment. So enjoy!!</p>
<p>My freshman D is calling often as well. So far, except for one semi-weepy “I miss everybody” call, they have all been upbeat. She calls or texts several times a day. The texts are usually hilarious, sometimes w/a picture. One was of goats all around campus one day. She thought maybe they had ‘escaped’ from a farm, but it turned out they help keep down the grass mowing and weed control efforts. She thought this was the craziest thing she’d ever seen. Mostly she just hurriedly wants to tell us of something new, exciting and wonderful to her. I am thrilled to be able to see this new world of hers thru her eyes and voice. She is so happy and eager and loves her classes, etc. She is very far away on the west coast, and I am expecting a minor meltdown maybe Octoberish, once the novelty has worn off and she is at the peak of her workload. But for now, all is good, and her voice not only brings me a smile but makes me laugh out loud. Although, I came downstairs this morning and there was a text msg waiting for me from her. My heart jumped when I saw 3:30 a.m. (making me forget for a moment about the 3 hr time difference!) It simply said, “Just wanted to let you know I got home safely.” Yeah, um…first thought was, safely??..FROM WHERE!! 2nd thought was ‘HOME’!!! ‘It’ happened. Three weeks and Seattle is ‘home.’ But, that does make me smile.</p>
<p>I see the connection as being positive in terms of her wanting to share her enthusiasm and keeping you posted on her daily events/activities, etc. I don’t know if it’s a male vs. female trait, but my S calls approximately once a week, and it’s usually for a reason (to ask a question, relating some personal news, etc.) whereas D usually calls daily (and frequently more than once) just to inform us what’s going on and to vent (if there are any issues or questions to be discussed). H doesn’t usually get involved in the discussions - it’s more of a mother-daughter connection/discussion.</p>
<p>I like this a lot. I think my daughter is a pretty independent kid and that once she finds friends she won’t call as much. (At least I hope so!) But for now, I really like the calls and am relieved that they are within the realm of normal.</p>
<p>Like nikrud, I am fully expecting a meltdown at some point – and just pray that it is “minor.” I got an e-mail from my son (studyiing abroad this year) and he reminded me not worry about his sister if she seems unhappy. (“Remember how miserable I was during my first semester and how much I love my school now?” he wrote.) Actually, I don’t remember how miserable he was since he wasn’t communicating very often back then. But it helped me put things in perspective.</p>
<p>Also, the only complaint that I have (and it’s more to myself than anyone else) is the phone calls from D’s 6 weeks in Paris. D and I were talking on the phone, and meanwhile the bill was adding up - she would always call me 'on location" wherever she was telling us what a great time she was having. She was just having such a wonderful experience, and she wanted to share it with us. She would call and ask us to come over, because she really wanted to take us on a personal tour of Paris, etc.</p>
<p>I have friends who have kids (males) that are freshmen who don’t want to have anything to do with their parents. They try to act independent and want to do everything by themselves, and their behavior may appear to be somewhat distant and rude. These are kids who couldn’t wait to leave home to go to college and just want to have the freedom of being away. I’m very grateful that I have a D who is comfortable with sharing her personal experiences. We have an excellent repoire, and I’m also very supportive.</p>
<p>I’ll just say that a million years ago when I went to college, my parents would not take my calls after the first week. It did a fabulous job of making me feel alone, isolated and abandoned and created a huge disconnect between us for many many years. I believe to bloom where we are planted, we have to put our roots in “water” for a bit before they are sturdy enough to make it on their own.</p>
<p>Our daughter calls a couple of times a day also. Usually just to chat and ask what we are having for dinner. Once she said she was having a sad moment and once she asked me to look up a word in the dictionary for her - she did not want to have to climb out of her top bunk - HUH? Can we define lazy?</p>
<p>I also am still waiting for the meltdown and praying it does not come.</p>
<p>My son called as a freshman almost every day for weeks and nearly every call started “I hate”. Calls often came late at night. There were some serious housing/suitemate issues but even after that got resolved he still communicated very frequently (if not by phone, then by email or IM). I never even got a chance to miss him!</p>
<p>This year as a sophomore I’m still getting daily calls and/or emails but much more positive. He’s obviously got some separation issues - I pray for the day when he feels secure enough to forget to share with mom. Then I can finally start complaining that he never calls - but I think he’ll still stay in frequent touch. I’m just his security blanket, I guess.</p>
<p>Remember when our kids were toddlers and they’d run off to play, come back to us and hug our legs or smile at us for a second, then run off again? Sounds a lot like that - happy in their new environments but still wanting just to “check” that Mom & Dad are still there.</p>
<p>Mileage varies. First year, D called every day or two for the first week and then calls fell off exponentially to about once a week, a rate which has been pretty steady since then. D holds most problems close to her vest and doesn’t vent much until she’s either solved them or is stuck. Partly her temperament, partly she was raised to be independent and self-reliant to a reasonable degree.</p>