I’m so sorry. I hate to hear that others are in this situation. Is she also a freshman?
I really hope things get better for her.
I think the point they are making is - from the list mentioned is the one but frankly, there are kids at every school - especially early - that are in this boat - and just because a school sounds great (as would Tufts to most) is no guarantee.
There’s another thread with a UNC person wanting out.
And we’ve had Ivy and everything else.
Especially early on - for many - it’s tough.
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D23 just told me today somebody from one of her classes is transferring to their state flagship after the first semester. Sometimes things don’t work out at the first choice. D23 transferred out of her first high school after freshman it just wasn’t the right fit for her. I hope things improve or your child finds a place that they prefer. If the transfer process moves forward just make sure the school guarantees housing for transfer students. Some do not. Best wishes moving forward.
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I wonder if the political climate on some campuses is making things especially challenging?
I don’t now.
Neither of my kids campuses are political. One is gone but I’ll assume it’s not this year either.
I think it’s more common on the more elite schools…or maybe the LACs and some elite publics.
My son’s school had a rep…just based on location and he’s like there’s zero politics…and my daughter’s school…is a social school…
I just think - you start out - you know no one, kids start to click with certain kids and then you’re alone and feel left out.
Both my kids had it. So many have it.
So many get better but not all do.
It’s very common…I’m sure at schools of all sizes, pedigrees, and environments.
It’s a lot more kids than you think…even at Tufts.
These kids are away from mom, siblings, and the comfort of home for the first time ever in most cases.
And for many kids, the reset which sounded so great a year ago (“I can be a theater nerd instead of a robotics nerd!” or “I can drop my jazz dance group with all those awful girls and find nicer friends”) means having to start from scratch- which is great- but if you’ve been swimming in your own lane all through HS, it’s harder than it looks to reinvent yourself.
One of the reasons I encourage kids to stop texting their parents, stop checking their HS friends posts, stop LOOKING DOWN when walking across campus is that it is very hard to approach someone who appears totally absorbed in what they are doing. Even if they are only looking at pictures of their dog.
Just stop with the phone! Once a kid has made connections IRL, the rest comes easy. But while everyone is still “that guy I sit next to in chem lab” or “that woman I see at lunch picking through the mesclun just like I do” taking the first step of a conversation is hard. Even for the extroverts!
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Have heard of students having issues at many different schools, large & small, especially as freshmen, but almost never due to politics.
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Do you have students in college right now? It has been especially difficult for some lately because of the current political and social climate. While the majority of students may not be affected and yours haven’t been, I would not discount this as an issue for more and more kids.
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Agree. I think some kids are impacted without even realizing the severity. Especially freshman who have no basis for comparison. I just discovered the thread with the title “College Response to Terrorism in Israel” with more than 48k views. This is clearly a significant issue.
THis is a good point. I’m kind of surprised that more schools don’t go out of their way to grab transfers. It can be a good way to get real talent.
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When my kid was a freshmen, I reminded them that every other freshmen was basically in the same boat. I also told them that if they were walking into the dining hall with a group and saw a kid on their own, to invite them to join.
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Absolutely. Everyone is in the same boat and learning how to make friends is a great life skill. There are so many times I’ve had to reach out – and most of the times it was worth it.
Notre Dame is a really fabulous school and kind student community, and I think the transfer rates are favorable.
The last common data set shows 212 of 794 admitted or 27%. That’s the most recent. The year before was similar - 277 of 1076.
But they have a gateway agreement with the local Holy Cross. And it’s hard to tell how many of the students are in the program as those students, with a 3.5, are assured admittance.
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That is all true. However, my daughter was accepted as a transfer student and seriously considered it. Until we looked more seriously into the housing situation for transfers, which was not good. There is no guaranteed housing for transfers. At least there wasn’t back in 2021. And all of Notre Dame‘s social life revolves around the dormitories so if you cannot live there, it’s going to make it even more challenging to make connections with other students and integrate into the school population.
The Gateway transfer is a big issue as well. Those students all spend that first year together at Holy Cross and they are allowed to join clubs and use facilities on Notre Dame‘s campus so they definitely have a head start socially over other transfers.
Now that your son has been home for winter break, how’s he feeling about transferring?
I’m wondering because my son—who is also at a NESCAC school and had a somewhat similar experience socially (plus a bit of home sickness)— has become more serious about transferring after getting to spend a month at home. My son really enjoyed his academics but it pales compared to the possibility of attending a school with his friends.
I hope you had a good break together, even with the looming decision.
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The issue is his hs friends may be evolving and branching out. My son and his best hs friend went to the same school, were in the same college but not major at school, and barely hung out.
College is not meant to be hs.
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I agree that college is not meant to be HS. In this instance though, my son is the one who left and has made some other friends but it’s still not a good fit. His two best friends from HS are enthusiastically trying to recruit him to their school.
It seems like it could be a better fit, but like the OP, we’re trying to let him be in charge of the process in all ways, and just serve as a resource.
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Where did she end up transferring?
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Vanderbilt
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