<p>teriwitt - Thanks for your insight. Your perspective is very valuable! I think you are absolutely right - especially my friend - she would not want euphemisms.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the great postive, proactive ideas. I love the photo album idea and also DelicateArch and HIMom’s ideas concerning her work. I think that would be the kind of thing that would not only keep her busy and active but also make her feel better about leaving her work in good hands. The teens she works with are really “her kids” now so leaving them in a good space is important. (I have to find out about this Livescribe pulse pen - this is the second time in two days I’ve heard about it - sounds great!)</p>
<p>I’m in the same situation - not your’s, but your friend’s. I also have terminal cancer. My perspective is somewhat different. When my friends come over I expect them to do the same thing they did before I was sick. Hang out, talk and have some laughs. They can hang the crepe later. If any one of them came over with a book on dying I would show them the door. But they know better. And like others have mentioned, my greatest emotion is guilt that I won’t be there for my wife in her old age, or for my children for whatever I could have done for them.</p>
<p>I am so sorry for you and your friend’s news. Know, however, that doctors are not that good at predicting time. It can be longer, it can be shorter. My Aunt was given 6 months, went on some holistic treatments and was around for 5 years. It was not liver cancer, but sometimes it works that way. On the other hand, a neighbor went much faster. Cherish each day and be a great friend.</p>
<p>Thank you for taking the time to post on this thread. I hope that you continue to enjoy your life, and that you continue to have the comfort and joy of loving friends and family.</p>
<p>Oh, I don’t think anyone was suggesting the OP bring the books to the friend (or even suggest that the friend tell the terminally ill person what they ‘read’ in a book)… heck I’ve never even done that, other than providing a copy of Gone From My Sight to the family.</p>
<p>What I do think is helpful about many of the books is the imparted knowledged that everyone handles this differently, and the best thing you can do is to listen to them, in order to hear how they are, and how they wish to interact (or not) with others. Everyone is very, very different.</p>
<p>My Dad was diagnosed with cancer over 3 years ago, it was all over his liver and is untreatable; except for palliative care. It has slowly spread, yet other than losing about 10-15 pounds, he is pretty much able to function. He is in his mid-80s, so there are limits, but after havig 3 hospice recommendations that he ignored he is feeling better emotionally.</p>
<p>It became clear this summer that he was going to the doctor for every little thing in case it was something important he was feeling, afraid of missing something the way he feels he must have missed the early symptoms of the cancer. In a blunt conversation with the oncologist he was told to only take the meds he wants to take (so cut the cholesterol meds and drink grapefruit juice if that’s what he wants to do) and the medical testing and treatment he wants and just enjoy life. That sense of fear has evaporated and he is doing well.</p>
<p>I also heartily recommend any of Bernie Siegel’s books. When my best friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, SHE sent the book to me for me to read. It is quite a life affirming book that applies to anyone’s life, whether you have cancer or not. </p>
<p>One thing that the book mentioned is that one good thing about the disease of cancer is that it gives a person time to finish unfinished business in his or her life. That can be a real blessing…and not available if you were to die of a heart attack.</p>
<p>Interesting and inspiring to see how Ted Kennedy spent his last days:</p>
<p>"WASHINGTON — The once-indefatigable Ted Kennedy was in a wheelchair at the end, struggling to speak and sapped of his energy. But from the time his brain cancer was diagnosed 15 months ago, he spoke of having a “good ending for myself,” in whatever time he had left, and by every account, he did.</p>
<p>I posted previously about a company that offers webpages for those who are very ill. Ironically, I got an email from them today. It is a different company that that mentioned by other posters. I don’t know how it compares to the other one, but this is the one my former colleague used when she was dying of a brain tumor.
[Create</a> a Free CarePages Website - Patient blog, photo gallery, emotional support - CarePages.com](<a href=“http://www.carepages.com/create-patient-website]Create”>http://www.carepages.com/create-patient-website)</p>
<p>Update - I had an emotional visit with my friend on Wednesday night. Lots of tears but smiles as well. She is so candid about the whole situation, never afraid to use the words “death” and “dying.” She loved the idea about a Caring Bridge page (or other alternative - thanks jonri). She is such a writer she thought it would be a great outlet for her as well as communication vehicle. We talked a lot about how to carry on her work and she’s starting by creating a “Legacy Statement” kind of like an expanded vision statement would be for a company. Once she has that we are going to talk about how to make sure that Legacy stays alive. </p>
<p>I also delicately approached the idea of organizing friends to help her (thanks, Owlice, for all the suggestions). She didn’t protest like I thought she would (she’s a very independent person). I think it’s another aspect of her being realistic about the situation. </p>
<p>Both of her sons were coming to town this weekend so that will be sure to be of comfort. Thanks to all for the ideas and kind thoughts.</p>
<p>Baymom,
Sending a hug to you. I know how hard it is to visit a dying friend. At the same time, it’s a very precious time and an honor to be allowed to be so intimate with someone during such a time. I treasure the time I got to spend with my dying friends.</p>