pinned up against a wall, calloused hands enveloping my neck, pushing tighter and tighter until I collapse. i asphyxiate, try to catch a gasp of air as i see my life endangered right before my eyes. i look at the murderous face in front of me and try to cry out in agony, not from being strangled but from realizing that its that of my own father.
unfortunately, this isnt another excerpt from one of Anne Rice’s new macabre novel. Instead its a page from the autobiography of my life.
My life as I knew it would change forever the night my father decided to do away with me and my mother. It was the climax of a childhood filled with pain and abuse. It was a scary night. I remember the eerie silence as I felt a dark figure creep towards me in my light slumber. It was close to midnight, leaves were rustling outside and a cool breeze was blowing in from my window. Suddenly i felt a rush of power jump at me. Shocked by the suddenness of the situation, I yelled for my mother. Soon enough my calls were answered with my mother rushing into my room.
She was trembling, terrified, and she had a look in her eyes worse than death itself. Clutched in her hands was the phone, it took a few seconds for her to spring into action and dial “9-1-1”. All the while, I hopelessly struggled against my father who was much bigger and stronger than me.
I remember praying to G-D as my mother tried to rip my dad’s hands of my neck, but to no avail. He quickly slammed her into the wall and re-assumed the position of trying to murder me.
The police finally arrived.
He let go. Yet, I felt even more excruciating pain when he did. Ironically, I felt worse when he let go.
Sirens. Questions. It all led to nothing.
My father was placed under house-arrest. My mother and siblings directed to a shelter for the night.
I continued to cry, scratching away at my eyes, hoping that I could rip them out along with the daunting images they held.
An ambulance arrived. The EMTs couldnt provide me any succor. No one could. Not even G-D himself could resuscitate me. I knew that the fingerprints on my neck would disappear after time, but it was the emotional scars that were permanently ingrained in my mind.
I couldnt be more wrong.
I went to the shelter
There were books there on an old dusty shelf that seemed to be unnoticed by many.
Frayed and tattered, the books I encountered provided a newfound sense of relief I knew I couldnt find elsewhere
Dickens, Dostoevsky, Chopin
Among the yellowed, moldy pages I encountered the likes of Edna Pontellier, Sydney Carton and Rodion Raskolnikov who would unknowingly give me a newfound sense of appreciation. I was able to relate and feel the same pain that Carton did when he evolves into the selfless martyr who must die at the hands of a guillotine. I discovered that I should not partake in the same Nihilism that so enraptured the life of Raskolnikov. Most importantly, I realized that I must control myself and especially this rude awakening in my life and prevent myself from obtaining the same fate as Mrs. Edna Pontellier.
Although what I read was fiction, it gave me something to relate to. That day I realized that Ive been taking to many things for granted. It prompted me to have a rebirth of my respect for education, learning and for once in my life I felt thankful for the knowledge I had. I realized it was the most valued thing under my belt. It all made me realized that I was blessed to have a loving mother and sister who provided enough love that would inevitably erase all the scars I allowed myself to receive from my father.
My life is too short it seems. Two great things I learned with this powerful experience is that life is fragile, delicate and can be snatched away in a second. Second and most importantly, is that life is also limitless and as a result one should never give up, quit, or even forfeit. Applying these principles to myself I find that I want to become knowledgeable of the world around me not just for my sake, but for that of others as well.
I PLAN TO SUBMIT THIS TO HARVARD EA, I know that its kind of personal, but i dont mind showing the world a slice of my life. so here it is, thanks in advance if you help me edit it!