<p>Where to begin? This is the first place I will be telling my anonymous academic biography in its entirety so get ready because it’s going to be pretty painful to read.</p>
<p>I started out as one of the top of the crop kids in elementary school. Straight A’s, gifted and talented program, avid reader, a million extracurricular activities and naturally I was the teacher’s pet. Oh and of course, I had perfect handwriting and got a perfect score on every standardized test. Middle school was weird. My dad passed away and I was very self conscious of my acne and weight and for some reason, I did horrible in math (especially algebra) and for some reason the perfectionist in me couldn’t conceptualize that so instead of trying harder, I just gave up in not only math BUT all my classes. The internet was the coolest thing around so I spent most of my time making friends from random chatrooms and editing my AOL profile in hopes for male attention or someone from the outside world thinking I am “cool.” I became very depressed and started having issues with my relatives and self image.</p>
<p>My mom figured that because I wasn’t in the best school district, I wasn’t doing my best academically and she wasn’t ready to admit that my skipping school all the time was due to my depression and lack of self confidence so we up and moved to a more prominent neighborhood and a very well known, affluent school district that was well, majority caucasian and very conservative. My acne got really bad and I had poor posture and would always come home and read and/or hangout with the school goths/rejects but the hierarchy of school and my depression going untreated spiraled into skipping school all the time again. I kept flunking out of classes since I never did my homework and Sept 11 didn’t help since I come from a Muslim background and the racism got progressively worse. I got a ticket for truancy and decided to go to a charter school catered to people with drug problems, behavioral issues or girls that were pregnant but it served horrible for me because it was a “go at your own pace” kind of school and due to a lack of structure and instructors I never was able to finish any coursework. I would doodle all day or make extensive to do lists in my notebook promising that I would begin my “perfect life” tomorrow but that never came.</p>
<p>I realized too late that when all my peers and classmates were graduating I was still stuck at a 10th grade level so I transferred back to my high school and though I was so behind and all my friends were seniors, the motivation of wanting to graduate got me into taking night classes and tough courses in high school. I aced all my classes and the teachers loved me, I still skipped school a bit for mental health days but it wasn’t excessive and I kept my grades up. However, when I was 18, I still had quite a few credits to take to graduate and I didn’t want to graduate when I was 20 so I quickly got my G.E.D. and in an effort to start “fresh” I went to NYC all by myself to start going to a community college there in an effort to eventually transfer to NYU or Columbia.</p>
<p>I really wanted to pursue journalism or sociology at this point and all throughout high school, I wrote a very popular blog on Xanga dealing with social issues, racism, poverty and politics. It was very controversial but it was the only thing that kept me going. Throughout high school I also got very attached to guys I dated and would talk to them for hours every night and due to my constant lack of sleep, I was too tired to ever go to school or do my homework. I would also get suicidal when I was dumped because I got SO attached and put these relationships before anything else in my life. I was also aware that my mental health was getting significantly worse so I thought the move to NYC would be an asset to independence, freedom and a new start.</p>
<p>I was 18 and my mom gave me money but no emotional support or guidance. I spent the summer in Philadelphia with a boyfriend while traveling back and forth to NYC looking for an apartment via Craigslist all by myself. I finally enrolled in a community college there and found an apartment last minute but my roommates were very abusive and crazy so I had to move out halfway and being stranded, I moved with an older man who had an available room. I was doing extremely well in all my classes but towards the end, all the tension with my job, my previous roommates, constantly getting lost and being alone in NYC, getting raped by a guy I met randomly and living with the crazy old man drove me insane.</p>
<p>I ended up not taking any of my final exams and flunking out again in all my classes, I never bothered reaching out to my professors or the dean at this school because I was too tense and embarrassed. I moved back home and started fresh at a local community college and got excellent grades and joined the Honor’s Society as well as took all the Honor’s courses. I started making friends for the first time in my life but I was able to balance my academic life with my social life. I also started drinking but it didn’t affect my grades. I ended up acing almost all my classes with the exception of one C and a few B’s and got into GWU’s school of arts and sciences. Since I had already gotten in, my grades at the community college started to slip and I was starting to skip class and not do homework again but luckily my professors still decided to pass me for whatever reason and I took that for granted.</p>
<p>As soon as I got to GWU, I fell in love with DC and was almost 100% positive that I would major in political science and go onward to law school since I was so logic minded and very good at writing, reading and public speaking. However, I kept partying and making friends with people who would ultimately hurt me or screw me over. I was raped again during my first semester at GWU and sought counseling and was given a mental health withdrawal in my courses that I was flunking but did manage B’s in my other two courses. I was put on Klonopin and Zoloft for my depression but my mother immediately had me taken off it since she doesn’t “believe” in mental health disorders. </p>
<p>I again had roommate problems not just then, but consequently every year while I was in school. I am not a hostile, angry or aggressive person. In fact, I am quite the opposite, I am very cool tempered, nice and passive but I felt like everyone wanted to take advantage of that and the sad part was I was too scared to ever stand up for myself. I started partying and concentrating on guys all the time and all the fights with my friends, being hurt and taken advantage of by guys and others caught up with me and I ended up gaining weight, binge drinking, skipping class, neglecting homework and was put on academic probation. Also, every semester when I tried to start fresh, I would get a very basic and easy writing assignment but not knowing where to start would cause me to clam up and pull all nighters barely croaking out the first sentence to my essay. I would get too scared to admit this to anyone since I pride myself as an avid writer so I would just skip every class and as usual, end up flunking out but somehow it just wouldn’t phase me.</p>
<p>I also got very lazy but it was out of my control in some weird way. I wouldn’t pay bills on time, I wouldn’t check my emails, I would just lie in bed all day and think while not showering or eating and sometimes I called the suicide hotline because I didn’t know how to go on. The real world and the consequences of my actions didn’t phase me and I lived in some daydream la la land. The weird thing is I am so well put together and well spoken in person but it never played out in my actions. Professors, counselors, and advisors reached out to me but I had no idea what was wrong with me and why I was so lazy and “unmotivated.” I still partied on weekends and all the people who kept fighting with me and hurting me caused me to become overly sensitive and start having low self esteem again. I ended up being put on academic suspension in Spring 2010 and moved home. I lost my scholarship and all my bills were sent to a collection agency so I just got done paying that all off about a few months ago. I have been working as a server since I moved home but recently left that to become an administrative assistant to build my resume. The weird thing is, even though I have severe social anxiety I thrived in the retail and hospitality environment and couldn’t do the office job thing because I found it boring and mundane and never did any of my work. They let me go and now I am unemployed, living at home and 25 years old.</p>
<p>I started googling my social anxiety, depression, “laziness” and what not and realized I might have ADHD. I emailed my college advisor asking her how to potentially regain admittance into GWU while also emailing the Disability Support Services and how I can get tested and get proper help. A lot of forum reading has led me to believe I am a chronic liar (no one knows about me flunking out), I may have ADHD, manic depression and severe anxiety/post traumatic stress. I have a 1.2 GPA at GWU but took a Biology class at the local community college during my suspension and aced it though it was very tough to study for and concentrate in. I attempted a Chemistry class the next semester but I became too overwhelmed with my demanding server shifts.</p>
<p>I am also not sure if GWU is the best city for me anymore, DC and its people and that school scare me and it is not for the faint of heart, it has a very aggressive feel to it and I am too hypersensitive to thrive. I am also not eligible for any kind of scholarships or financial aid at this point and my credit is a wreck due to my bills going to the collection agency. I started volunteering a coordinator for high school activities and as a teacher to elementary school students for an after school program and I took up reading a lot again. This has helped me mature a lot and gain insight in where I want to go in life. I have recently decided I want to potentially pursue medicine or engineering but I am horrible at math. However, this may just be anxiety related.</p>
<p>I don’t think law school or majoring in political science is right for me anymore either. I want to go into an industry that makes money and is demanding like medicine or engineering but I am horrible at math though it may be anxiety based. I also feel like no matter how hard I work, my GPA will barely make it above a 2.0. I wish I could start all over with a positive attitude, tougher skin, more tenacity, patiences, better social skills, better people reading skills and a whole lot of confidence.</p>
<p>I don’t know what to do and have been applying to a million jobs everywhere and have yet to hear a callback. You really need a college degree to amount to something in life and the economy is only getting worse. Everyone my age is gainfully employed, starting their career, getting married, having kids and I have absolutely nothing going for me.</p>
<p>Please help!</p>