<p>Therapy suggestion–look for somone who practices “cognitive therapy”</p>
<p><< First, supportive counseling helps ease the pain of depression, and addresses the feelings of hopelessness that accompany depression. Second, cognitive therapy changes the pessimistic ideas, unrealistic expectations, and overly critical self-evaluations that create depression and sustain it. Cognitive therapy helps the depressed person recognize which life problems are critical, and which are minor. It also helps him/her to develop positive life goals, and a more positive self-assessment. Third, problem solving therapy changes the areas of the person’s life that are creating significant stress, and contributing to the depression. This may require behavioral therapy to develop better coping skills, or Interpersonal therapy, to assist in solving relationship problems.>></p>
<p>But your D should realize that her problems are not " all her own fault", her present school may not be a good academic or social fit for her, nevertheless, she can learn how to make the best of it. Some worthwhile people can be found almost anywhere.</p>
<p>I talked to the Vice Principal and she was sympathetic and recommended a name of a counselor. We also talked about my D being bored with her classes. She was supportive of my D changing English and that it could be done schedule wise. I talked to the English teacher and he is open to my D changing into the Honors class. We are going to have a conference with him tomorrow.</p>
<p>The English teacher commented that even if she changed into the Honors class that she might find the same social problems that she is having in her other class. In fact he has had other comments about her particular class. I am aware that changing classes would not change how she is adapting socially but I think that she would be happier if she was more engaged and challenged.</p>
<p>Well, it’s a start. My D is trying and I am too. Hopefully she will become more content with the school she is in now.</p>
<p>Glad to see you had some progress today, deb. I know that we could drive ourselves crazy listening to all of the different, and sometimes conflicting, perspectives here. They are so worthwhile, but we do need to sort through and do what feels right for us.</p>
<p>That said, I do think that there is great life lesson in working with the situation one is in and finding out how to make it work for us, rather than looking too soon to jump ship. It certainly also does seem that she needs a bump up in several of her classes. Might she not find more kindred spirits the more Honors/Advance classes she is in? Maybe you already addressed that, but it seems to me this could be a big part of her problem finding the right social niche on a day-to-day basis, or even just the one or two close friends.
I hope the changed English class will not only improve her academic engagement but maybe payoff, together with some time with a counselor, in the social realm too.</p>
<p>I know there is something to be said for “blooming where you are planted” and all, and attitude does make a difference in success in high school. But what you say about your own experience in HS along with that of your daughter, reminds me very much of my now 23 year old daughter’s high school life. It was very difficult in her grade to fit in; most of the girls were highly social and were athletes while my daughter is more introverted and artistic. They formed their friendships very early (like elementary school) but the meannesses became more pronounced in high school. She had dear friends in the next grade down, but few in her grade. </p>
<p>The GOOD news is that when she went to college, my daughter was suddenly among a whole HUGE group of like-minded people, and she loved college about as much as anyone I have ever known. She made true and lasting friendships. I am just trying to encourage you to know there is life after high school, and though I think a lot of the suggestions here are good, if it isn’t ever GREAT in high school, she will ultimately be okay. In fact, if you read thread in the College Life forum, you often find people who are not as happy with college because they were so happy in high school!</p>
<p>My D (now a junior at Rice) had a high school sophomore melt-down. She was at an elite girls’ prep school here in town and managed to get into a destructive three-way friendship (2 other girls). Someone was always on the outs, it seemed. She was miserable and is overly-dramatic by nature. A lot of her imagined social problems were in her head, but they seemed very real to her. She is an artist, and her voice teacher pointed out that she was happiest when she was around kids with similar commitment to music. Interlochen was suggested. This was the first time I even considered boarding school, and I was not really in favor of it. However, when she and I visited on a visiting weekend that spring, it was clear that it was a haven for artistic young people. The talent was amazing. She auditioned, was accepted, and the experience truly changed her life. At Interlochen, there was no such thing as “different” because ALL the kids were unique and, frankly, different. Many of the boys were gay (ballet dancers, etc.) and they were able to be totally open. Conversations at breakfast resembled something out of a sitcom. As you walked across campus the sounds of various instruments being practiced drifted across the paths. My daughter has told us that we gave her the most incredible gift imaginable by sending her to Interlochen. This is just our story- every family is different and every kid is different.</p>
<p>I can understand your d’s feelings - I spend a semester chaperoning the Model UN club when my d was a junior in hs. It was an eye-opener, the “vibes” among the girls when they got together. All were very intelligent, sharp, and nice individually, but as soon as they got together, there was a ton of subtle communication within the A-list social girls group that made other girls feel like they were definitely missing something and uncomfortable. The looks, the murmers between certain groups… if your d is sensitive (like my d was) it can be incredibly tense, feeling like you’re being “talked about” and criticized. I don’t think it’s just your school, though being smaller there are less escape routes, so to speak. As others have said, I think helping her find a group of like-minded girls/guys, with an activity in common to keep them connected… If it’s a smaller school, it might have to be found outside school.</p>
<p>P.S. I agree that switching to Honors will probably help. My d’s reaction to these social “vibes” in her freshman year was to withdraw and not apply herself in classes. The teachers all thought she wasn’t very bright, so I had to push to get her promoted to Honors. Made a huge difference in her outlook, and though she still didn’t always fit in with the main group socially, she had a sense of pride and self-worth that carried her through high school. Now a freshman in college, she’s still very independent, though is very happy and has a very nice bf (gasp!)</p>
<p>What does D do outside of school? An art class, photography, volunteering, something where she can be with kids with a common interest. My oldest is bored with the immaturity she finds at school the pettiness over hair, shoes, etc, when she sees the world and all its problems. Sometimes taking people out of their comfort zones is what we parents have to do.</p>
<p>Invite the entire sports team over for a pizza party, organize some event to get them all together</p>
<p>Are you in a city? Often there are guest lecturers, and being around adults can get a teen through the same ole stuff in highschool</p>
<p>Like several others have mentioned, your d. might find her niche outside the school (job, sports, volunteer work, etc.). Sometimes finding that connection outside of school, helps with the relationships at school as well. In a small school, when things get tough (or nasty), having an outside committment, can be a good outlet. It also takes some of the pressure off to fit in at school, allowing relationships to form more naturally at a slower pace. Let us know how the year progresses!</p>
<p>Thanks, all this advice is great. My D and I had a conference yesterday with her English teacher. Although he would be sad if she would transfer out of the section she is in now, he totally agreed that if she was willing to take the work load on, that she would be better off in the Honors section. He talked to the GC and it works out with her schedule and he and the GC are fine with her transferring, she just has to tell the GC and her schedule will be changed at the end of this semester.</p>
<p>I didn’t talk too much to my D after the conference, I wanted her to make this decision on her own. She is really bored in English now and Honors does not sound like it would be an overwhelming amount of work. </p>
<p>She was worried about a person in the Honors section but the teacher was aware of the situation and told her that he would work with my D to figure things out. The person in question is not someone who is harrassing my D, but someone who is very dramatic and would want to pull my D into her issues. I am sure that everyone has had a person in their life who at some point their relationship would be a toxic one. My D is trying to get out of these toxic relationships so that she can forge friendships that are mutual.</p>
<p>Thanks for all the great suggestions on outside school activities. She’s involved in an outside music commitment and we have been searching for other ideas. </p>
<p>I wish we could but I just don’t see boarding school as an option. We are in the very familiar situation of the middle class. Too much money for aid, not enough money for it to be comfortable. I have an older child applying to college and we are having a hard time figuring out how to pay for that. I have to admit that I was intrigued by the comments on the parents forum about boarding school. At this point I’m afraid to bring up boarding school to my D (who I am sure would jump at the suggestion) and then not be able to deliver.</p>
<p>I’m going to revisit the suggestion of dual enrollment in the spring. My H is not thrilled about the idea of his baby going to school with college kids (mostly boys! LOL!) but I think that it would be a great idea.</p>