<p>Topic: Is the world changing for the better?
World is changing for the better. Though some argue that pollution, crimes and environment got worse as the time wen by, in the society, people have seen many transformations that improved their ways of living. This is evident in literature and in history. </p>
<p>Native Son by Richard Wright demonstrates the racial prejudice in 1930s Chicago. The protagonist Bigger commits a serious crime- considered unthought of back then. He kills a white rich girl. In addition, Bigger not only sees whites as “superior” but also as a “force” that restricts him and prevents him into doing things he would like to do. Only Max, Bigger’s lawyer, is able to comprehend Bigger’s mind. He emphasizes the outside social influence that has caused Bigger to kill a white girl. However, white jury fails to sympathize with him and eventually, he is executed. However, the world is changing for better, because now, America’s political system promotes justice and fairness. Furthermore, American’s perspective on African Americans changed as shown in the Obama’s presidency. More diversity is celebrated in our society than ever before. </p>
<p>Not only through literature, but through science and technology, world is changing for better. For example, the ability to clone animals and plants increased food production. Also, this furthered the knowledge of scientists by providing them with facts that improve their understanding in human anatomy. Using this knowledge on science, people are also able to donate more abundant food to third world countries and are able to cure diseases that were once considered incurable. </p>
<p>Thus, although the changes in the world can be overwhelming, the advantages they brought such as more diversity and scientific discoveries improve human’s way of life. </p>
<p>Feel free to leave ANY HONEST comments!
Thanks!!</p>
<p>for the second paragraph, you can elaborated more on the second portion, the part where you talked about how the current political system promotes justice and fairness and how the Obama presidency might have changed people’s view of african americans. the line “only max, bigger’s lawyer… kill a white girl” is kind of irrelevent to the topic under discussion, a digression that could’ve been left out.</p>
<p>“not only through literature, but trhough science and technology, the world is changing for the better.” I see several problems with this sentence: one, it should be “not only… but also”, and two, “through literature… the world is changing for the better” doesn’t make any sense. i think what you want to say is “as conveyed through examples in literature, world is changing…” or something like that.</p>
<p>“the ability to clone animals and plants increased food production…” cloned pork! must be expensive. your next sentence that start with “also” is sort of awkwardly phrased. </p>
<p>wouldn’t “knowledge OF science” sound better?</p>
<p>“more abundant”?</p>
<p>leave out “are able to” before “cure”</p>
<p>the advantages they brought <em>comma</em> such as more diversity and scientific discoveries <em>comma</em> have improved human’s way of life</p>
<p>Honestly, I have to give it a 5-6.
It’s written very awkwardly. It seems like your writing voice hasn’t fully developed yet.
Keep practicing! Take AP English Language if at all possible.</p>
<p>wait… 5 or 6 out of 12?? I got 8 last time…=(
=(( thats really bad…
thanks though…
Oh, and I am taking ap language & composition, but, it’s just that I can’t write an insightful and well written essay in 25 minutes…haha. I’m bad at writing…!!!</p>
<p>Personally, I think this one is better, but I’m not so sure…
Please let me know what you think…(be honest too!)
Thanks for reading!!</p>
<p>Topic: Do we need other people in order to understand ourselves?</p>
<p>Oftentimes, we need other people in order to understand ourselves. In literature, Nora and Holden both go through internal and external changes from others and these are shown in A Doll’s House and in Catcher in the Rye.</p>
<p>A Doll’s House by Henrik Ibsen represents the transformations of feminist’s minds. The protagonist Nora’s purpose in life is to please her husband and obey her duties as a wife and as a mother of two children. She sacrifices her pride and forge her father’s signature in order to save her husband’s life. Instead of thanking her for saving his life, he denounces her by saying never to come back because she has no right to take care of her children. He claims that he is ignoble of her because she has ruined his reputation. From hearing this, Nora realizes that she has been living a life that is filled with lies and betrayal. Through her husband, Nora decides to live her own life and leaves behind her husband and children. Even though this may come to readers as being abrupt and irresponsible, she has finally found herself through her husband’s actions.</p>
<p>Secondly, a book by Catcher in the Rye, the main character Holden goes through exploring and promoting innocence and childhood through his sister, Phoebe. He calls the adult as “phonies” and what he desires to do is to “save” the pure and innocent children from falling into a pit filled with corruption and adulthood. His sister prevents him from running away by riding a carousel symbolizing childhood. His sister influences him to start over his life and at the end of the book, it indicates that he is planning on attending another school. Whether his sister had a huge impact on Holden’s life or not, she led him to acknowledge that he should go with what he believes. </p>
<p>Through two novels, Nora and Holden became to understand themselves better when other people influenced their thoughts. For Nora, her husband played a role of reminding her life’s purpose and Holden’s sister played a role of giving an advice to look back on his life.</p>
<p>^ I would give this essay an 8. One of the reasons why I think that is that apart from a few grammar lapses, your essay seems okay. However, I think that you need to provide more commentary in your essay. For example, in your two examples, you are pretty much narrating those examples with little commentary at the end. In general, I think you need more DEPTH in your essay which would be adding maybe one or two more commentary to each example. Also try to upgrade your vocabulary if you can. Hope that helps!</p>