TL:DR: College student struggling on what to do with life, but does not want to upset family.
To start off, I want to say that I apologize for this really long post.
I had a rough childhood when I was young. I never knew what I truly wanted to be when I grew up until 7th grade when I got involved in the school musical. Ever since then, I’ve always wanted to be in the entertainment industry. I had an entire plan of going to college in New York or Philadelphia to pursue majors such as music technology, music business, and etc. The problem is I come from a family that wants their kids to be in practical and big money-making jobs.
As a result, I gave up my plans and I went to community college (which I am grateful about going to). Even though it was a nice way to introduce me to college academics, I was kinda rushed by advisors to pick a specific major so that I can transfer to pursue a bachelors.
At first in my second year of college, I majored in communications because I thought it would combine both the entertainment industry and business (which is my main alternative) together. However, I changed into business (specifically marketing) just immediately around two days at the beginning of the year because of certain classes, it made social media not fun, and I was afraid that it would not make enough money. Also, I was taking a few business classes ever since senior year at high school, so I was too used to being in business.
After taking specific business classes, they were literally some of the hardest classes I took. I usually get good grades, but some of these I had to take twice and/or barely pass with a C. What made it worse was that in January 2020, that was the first time I actually thought of wanting to die (but I am not suicidal anymore, so please don’t worry about that). As a result, I ended up getting my associate’s degree a semester late.
I am about to be in my senior year this fall and I am currently doing well grade-wise and even have a scholarship. However, at this point, I have been so unmotivated with academics. It’s like post-secondary education was never something I should have done in the first place. My unmotivation and depression is so bad that classes that do involve the arts do not even make me happy.
The coronavirus just proved my negativity towards college more since I had 1-2 years of college without the fun. But yet, returning to school on campus is just a horrible thought now. I might have around 1.5 to 2.5 years to finish, but it felt so long getting the associate’s already, this can feel long too. I also might not even be fully happy during graduation because I will feel salty about putting myself in this situation.
I’ve never been the best person when it comes to making big, adult decisions (mostly because I come from a Asian-American immigrant family and other personal reasons), but I really need help. It’s like I know the best solution in my opinion is to drop out and work a full time job, but I cannot go for it because it would disappoint my family. Most of the men in my family are college dropouts, including my father who died last year; and most of the women in my family, including my mother, never went to college. That being said, I do not want to break my parents’ wishes, but I don’t want to keep giving up my happiness and self either. What should I do?