I too have raised my daughter by myself since she was four. For the longest time it was just the two of us and my heart was fulfilled knowing that I was doing everything that I could for her to help her have a well adjusted, peaceful, and happy life. She is now a junior in college with hopes of going away to graduate school once she finishes her bachelor’s degree next May. (2018)
I will be honest it was very strange for me since my whole world revolved around her. Since she is an only child we have a very close mother and daughter bond. It’s difficult in the beginning but we get used to it. I like having the freedom to fully dedicate time to me. I have complete flexibility in my schedule where I can do things spur of the moment. I love that. I eat when I want and do things according to my own schedule. I am currently working on healthy lifestyle changes and becoming more fit. That is my first goal. I love spring and the longer days so I will definitely be more outdoors. I’m trying new and healthier cooking recipes. I read books. I’m thinking of taking some art classes. I’ve come to realize that now is the best time to take good care of myself and be the best version of me. I want to keep learning so I am thinking of registering for some night classes. I haven’t traveled at all so I am going to research and plan some nice trips when dd comes back in May. She comes home every few weekends anyway because she loves her own room and home.
Life passes by too quickly. I can choose to be sad or be happy. Every night I go to bed being thankful for what I have and every morning I wake up with the hope of what I will experience in this new day. Don’t live life with regrets. Live life to its fullest and do everything that you have dreamed of doing. Stick to a daily routine and schedule some fun time. You don’t want to live to regret not doing anything for yourself. It’s never too late to start something new. Move forward one step at a time even if its tiny steps.
On the worst days (and there still are bad days, even though my children are out of college and so I’ve had an empty nest for almost six years), I remind myself that it is normal for children to grow up and leave home and continue with their own lives and that I’m fortunate that my children have been able to do so. On the not-worst days, keeping busy (working more, reading, watching TV and movies that I want to watch, taking care of the house) helps. I was married when my children were at home but their dad left, initially part time and eventually full time, the day after my younger daughter started college, so I too have been without companionship during my empty-nest years.
Do Pilates. That is my plan. At this point, I’ve never even taken a class but I want to do it and maybe get good enough to become an instructor in my golden years.
Another single Maryland mom here. It’s hard, as everyone has said. My D left for a small LAC about 200 miles away in fall 2015. Initially, I did a lot of traveling, mainly weekend trips. I also took over leading a movie and dinner group, and joined a book group. I started volunteering, mentoring at-risk youth. This didn’t completely fill the gap, of course, and I found myself watching more TV than is probably healthy.
And then at the semester break this year, my D decided she didn’t want to go back to the school. So she’s back at home, going to school locally and working part time. And oddly that took some getting used to as well! We are almost never home at the same time, though, but it is nice to know that for whatever short amount of time it will be, she’s under the same roof again.
Yes, as much as we love our kids, it IS an adjustment when they leave and when they return. Schedules change both times and flexibility is important and can take time to find a rhythm that works for everyone. Be patient with yourself, you will figure this out.
@Barbalot …tell us more about your movie and dinner group. How often and with who? We do that every so often, but it would be fun on a more regular basis…something more set.
@barbalot I would love to start a movie or dinner group here in VA. It would be nice to have a travel group. One of my former coworkers used to plan a yearly trip that would be all ladies. (single or married) Their husbands were not interested in traveling so these ladies toured different cities or countries together for a week each year.
The movie and dinner group I do is through Meetup, which is in most areas now. Anyone can start a group on the online site for any interest. I took over a monthly group for women over 40 when the person who started the group abruptly decided to close it.
We usually go to the same independent movie theater on a Sunday afternoon each month and then out to a nearby restaurant afterward…where the conversation veers off the movie pretty quickly. It takes a little more effort than I anticipated since it’s hard to gauge exactly what movies will be at the theater when and how the large the group will be for a restaurant reservation. But we do have a lot of women in my demographic, which is nice.
I was not in exactly the same position as you because I had 3 kids and a husband. But the empty nest was definitely an adjustment. I think the key is finding an activity that you enjoy. I went back to playing tennis, just one day a week at first and now I am playing 4-5 days a week on 3 different teams. Tennis clicks all the boxes because it is active and social. Pickle ball is becoming popular here in California and is also quite social. You might try group fitness classes such as yoga, pilates, etc… I also have an “empty-nest” dog. I have made friends with other people walking their dogs and we have taken the dog to various dog events such as Yappy Hour and baseball games.
You have spent 18 years raising your daughter and taking care of her, now it is time to take care of yourself. Other than working, you now have the time for other interests, you aren’t going to be as ‘dialed into’ your D’s life. Establish an exercise routine, while you can do it at home, why not join a gym or a Y and take group exercise classes? Both to motivate, but also a great place to meet people. Do volunteer work, or join a local book club, again not only for the benefits to others, but also to socialize. If you are so inclined, date, not saying you need to find someone, you obviously can stand on your own two feet quite well smile, but rather, for companionship, people to talk to, etc, and like with dating when young, the journey is the big thing, not any particular end point. I am not single, so I have my wife, but my son and I shared a lot of things friends do as well, things like sports, or just chewing the fat. I can obviously do some of that via text or phone, but it is different doing it with someone in person, and I still haven’t quite filled that void, even though my S graduates this year and is heading to grad school.
At this point, I’ve never even taken a class but I want to do it and maybe get good enough to become an instructor in my golden years.